In a display of moral integrity not seen in Britain since the days of Best,Law and Charlton, serial thief and part time Housing officer, Dave Edwards of Collingwood Avenue, Bromley, promised to imprison himself if he wasn't caught before Christmas.

Talking to our Home Affairs correspondent, the modern day Raffles said,

"It only seems right. Over the last 3 months I have stolen six Playstation 3 consoles, twenty three PS3 games, including Warhawk and Football Manager 2008. I have also lifted at least four HD ready Sony televisions and over one hundred high quality DVD's including the ever popular,'It's a Wonderful Life'.

"The police seem unable or unwilling to do anything about me. I'm a public menace and truly believe it would be better for everyone if I imprisoned myself over the Christmas period. If nothing has been done, I shall lock myself in my bedroom from Sunday the 23rd of December until Tuesday January 1st when Charlton take on Colchester at the Valley. I believe it is my civic duty. If the police can't catch me I'll do their job for them."

Mr Edward's altruistic behaviour appeared to have the full backing of his wife. Talking in the kind of accent not heard in London since Dick Van Dyke's 'Bert' in Mary Poppins, Jane Edwards said,

"Oh yes this is not the first time my husband has done this. He done it last Christmas as well. It was a shame as my sister came over with her four teenage sons and I know they would loved to have seen their Uncle Dave but he's a man of principle.

"It is difficult on our kids though, they really miss him. Sally and Tom are only 4 and 6 years old. I tell them daddy is working when he's actually upstairs in the loft. I do insist on him taking up the television and playstation though, after all, they have them in real prison's now don't they.

"He doesn't let himself get away with anything. Last year he imprisoned himself for two weeks for allegedly attacking a coast guard with a spear. He would have got away with it as well as no-one reported the incident but as he said to me at the time, 'I know I have done it love'.

"It was a shame as it coincided with my mother coming down to stay but that's life I suppose. It's never easy living with a modern day saint."

My stuff appears to be ignored at the moment, so I am forced to critique myself.

Good in parts Kent Pete, [indeed at times I pissed my pants] but it's not really a sketch is it,.... and if you must be so critical of other writers, why the f**k should we comment on your stuff, know what I mean son.

Sorry KP. I didn't read it properly, but I read enough to think that it doesn't read much like a local radio news report - as a result I lost interest. Spoof stuff works best when it fits the format being spoofed (like The Day Today, or Spinal Tap)

I think Badge has a point. If you're going to spoof local radio you might want to consider writing it as such, ie newsdesk segment, interviews, reporter to camera etc. Presenting it that way would certainly make it easier to digest. As it stands, I'm not certain what it is I'm reading. Is it meant for radio, TV or print even?

Short news spoof on a TV sketch show.

See, that's what I'm talking about - it says local radio in the title. Either way, you need to adjust your formatting to make it palatable. You've got some good stuff in here - the spearing the coast guard bit especially.

I think this works well if it is read as a if in print, sort of Private Eye stuff. Actually the guy would make a great character in a novel so I liked it in that context.