Hi all, new to the forums and this is my first post so if I mess up somehow, sorry in advance. Other then that I don't bruise easily so no need to be gentle with me 
OK...I've written a pilot for a sitcom and was wondering if anyone could provide me with feedback and critique
Please find a link to the first few pages for your viewing pleasure. Thanks.
Hello Mr Gambit.
I got about 5 pages in, but I couldn't find anything funny - be it visual or dialogue. I usually bail out when that happens.
Plus, there's a million sitcom scripts being written by first time writers (and maybe second time writers) about student life. I can only think this is down to the "write what you know" mantra. It's best to aim for something that hasn't been done before.
I read a lot of it and think it's fab and different. I'll read more when I have time
Hi and welcome to BCG!
I read the first half dozen pages or so. I have to say that I couldn't get into it. There was nothing that made me want to keep reading. I didn't find any of it funny so as a sitcom for me it didn't cut it. I hate students anyway, even when I was a student.
But hey, bushbaby writes some cool stuff and she likes it so it's probably "horses for courses", mate!
Only a Producer/Commissioner can tell you no.
Frankie xxx 
Personally I didn't find it funny. I only read the first few pages, and it did not feel like comedy at all. Look at something like The Inbetweeners for its pace and rate of gags in scenes. Also the characters seemed relatively dull and didn't make an impression. But that's just me - I suppose comedy is objectional.
Kudos for actually writing though, keep working on it! I hope it works out!
Quote: Jamesy @ September 8 2010, 7:29 PM BSTI suppose comedy is objectional.
Yes, most of mine is pretty objectionable.
In regard to the script, I have to agree with Jamesy and others. Lots of swearing doesn't make something funny.
I think a good way to start is to rip off your favourite show and learn by example.
I'd like to add to Ben's comments about 'writing what you know'. He's right; there are more 'student' scripts doing the rounds than stars in the solar system. A lot of people have been students at one time in their lives, but it doesn't mean you have to write a script about that.
When you were a student, there was probably a really skanky pub you used to visit, or a corner shop, with a characterful owner. Maybe it's a family business, but the son has higher ambitions.
Good writing is good observation. Look beyond the grim confines of the flat and you might cut through the mire of student scripts.
Hi everyone and thanks for the feedback it is much appreciated. Having been looking though the forums on here to help improve my writing skills etc and here's a updated draft for student union. Please feel free to give feedback on wether its better then the original post and any other pointers you have. Noticable changes are I think the begining is a little more flowing and quicker then the original, a name change and alot less swearing. Other then that I was thinking of maybe changing the name of the sitcom, as frankie rage and ben mentioned most people are writing about students or hate students so calling it student union may put them off reading/watching??
Anyway, Please find a link below: -