I was talking about Tittybanbang to a friend and she was saying how great it was I said that it wasn't and that those sketches would be easy to write so I wrote this

SKETCH O1

SCENE 1. INT. THE HOBBITS FOOT PUB . NIGHT

TWO MEN ARE SITTING IN A BAR WITH THEIR GIRLFRIENDS

DIANE:

I'm dying for the loo

DAWN:

Me too, I'll come with.

THE TWO LADIES GO TO THE TOILET

DAVE:

I wonder what they talk about in there?

ANDREW:

I wonder

CAMERA FOLLOWS THEM TO THE TOILET DOOR AT FULL SPEED TO THE TOILET DOOR

DAVE: OC

Hmm, I wonder

SCENE 2. INT. THE HOBBITS FOOT PUB LADIES TOILET. NIGHT

TWO CUBICLES ARE IN SHOT WE SEE THE LADIES FEET, NO ONE IS SAYING ANYTHING

SOUND EFFECT:

Plop

SOUND EFFECT:

Fart noise

DAWN:

Ahh

DIANE:

Grunt!

SOUND EFFECT:

Fart noise

SOUND EFFECT:

Squeeky fart noise

CAMERA STAYS ON THE CUBICLES, NOTHING IS HAPPENING

SOUND EFFECT:

The rattle of toilet rolls, followed by flushes

SCENE 3. INT. THE HOBBITS FOOT PUB LADIES TOILET. NIGHT

THE LADIES HAVE COME BACK FROM THE TOILET

DAVE:

What do you ladies talk about in there?

ANDREW:

Yeah ladies, what do you talk about?

DAWN:

nothing

DAVE:

ANDREW:

(DISSAPOINTED )Oh

The End

Not totally sure where you are going with this one to be honest.

Well I don't find the sketch funny as a script but there is a huge audience out there for toilet humour/fart gags and so called lads-gags, etc. and similar, so if it were 'produced well' it could easily be on TV (IMHO) and funny for some of the mass audience out there...

But just about any shit could be frankly, as can be seen nightly if you flick around the channels...

If I understand right, the intention was to knock out a lazy, crude piece of writing in an effort to emulate a lazy, crude sketch show. In that sense, 'mission accomplished.'

While I do agree with the above comments I also thought it was interesting to get away from the cliché of what women usually do in a toilet. In this case they’re not doing hair, chat and make-up but instead using a toilet for what it’s intended for. Farting noises work. Don’t ask me why, it just does. It’s a staple part of British comedy and because it’s women doing it it’s even funnier and as much as I don’t like it, it still made me laugh against my better judgement.

It needs trimming though. The way it came across I thought the sketch needed ending at the rattle of toilet rolls or even sooner,

Pretty good twist. End it when you've established that they have not slipped away for a girly chat.

I don't like the crudeness and would dispense with the farts and just have rattling toilet rolls and flushes. But farts do get laughs!

Here's another one I did as a follow up less crude and a bit geeky.

SKETCH O2

SCENE 1. INT. THE HOBBITS FOOT PUB . NIGHT

TWO MEN ARE SITTING IN A BAR WITH THERE GIRLFRIENDS

DIANE:

I'm dying for the loo

DAWN:

Me too, I'll come with you.

THE TWO LADIES GO TO THE TOILET

DAVE:

I wonder what they talk about in there?

ANDREW:

I wonder

CAMERA FOLLOWS THEM TO THE TOILET DOOR AT FULL SPEED TO THE TOILET DOOR

DAVE: OC

Hmm, I wonder

SCENE 2. INT. THE HOBBITS FOOT PUB LADIES TOILET. NIGHT

TWO CUBICLES ARE IN SHOT WE SEE THE LADIES FEET, NO ONE IS SAYING ANYTHING

SUDDENLY THE CUBICLES MAKE THE NOISE OF "THE TARDIS" THEN FAID AWAY A FEW SECONDS LATER WE SEE STILL FOCUS ON THE EMPTY AREA THEN THE CUBICLES APPEAR AGAIN CUE TARDIS SOUND EFFECT.

SOUND EFFECT:

The rattle of toilet rolls, followed by flushes

SCENE 3. INT. THE HOBBITS FOOT PUB LADIES TOILET. NIGHT

THE LADIES HAVE COME BACK FROM THE TOILET

DAVE:

What do you ladies talk about in there?

ANDREW:

Yeah ladies, what do you talk about?

DAWN:

nothing

DAVE:
ANDREW:

(DISSAPOINTED) Oh

The End

Thanks fo the feedback it was just a bit of fun really, not something I'd submit to be honest.

I liked bothversions. Its probably a girl thing who don't understand it.

See if you can come with another 4 for recurring scenes.

Incidentally I don't find Titty Bang Bang remotely funny - butthen I'm a bloke.

Like David (as I'm sure we all do), both versions are likeable although I still think the sketch with the farts edges it. As for the recurring scenes, well, Catherine Tate has already done it and I thought it was pushing it a bit. Or was that just Catherine Tate?

FATUOUS FLATULENCE

A pub.
Sam and Eric sit there drinking.

SAM Are you all right Eric?

ERIC Not really Sam. My girlfriend left me.

SAM Oh no… Why?

ERIC No idea. (farts loudly)

SAM Did you do anything she disliked?

ERIC Not that I can think of. (farts louder)

SAM Do you have any annoying habits?

ERIC (farts so loud he trembles) Don’t think so.

SAM Sure?

ERIC Well there is one. (farts so loud they both tremble) I pick my teeth.

SAM Women eh.

Eric farts so loud the pub shakes.
A girl enters, rushes over.

GIRL Eric! I’m coming back. You’re forgiven.

ERIC (farts) No!

GIRL Yes and I’ve bought you a present.

She gives him a toothpick. They walk out and she shits herself.

Me and my friend made this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKI4MyWVcwk

thanks guys

First you said you'd just found this, then you said you wouldn't post it again. Why must you turn this forum into a house of lies?!

I never said I wouldnt post it again. I am sorry if I have offened you Mr Bussell. Just though that people on this web site might like to see my video.

Quote: David Dawson @ February 28 2011, 1:52 PM GMT

I never said I wouldnt post it again. I am sorry if I have offened you Mr Bussell. Just though that people on this web site might like to see my video.

View original

Okay, that one's on me - you only said you wouldn't "cover yourself in glory". I apologise for my faulty memory.

Ok no worries. Been checking out your web site and videos some pritty funny stuff you got there.