DRAGONS' DEN SKETCH

V/O
25 year old Lawrence Ellison is coming to the Dragons Den looking for a £20,000 investment in return for 5% of his business.

LAWRENCE WALKS TO THE CENTRE OF THE ROOM LOOKING VERY NERVOUS.

Lawrence
(BIG DEEP BREATH)
I'm here today…to ask for £20,000 in exchange…

Deborah
It's alright, just take your time Lawrence.

Lawrence
Thanks. I'm looking for an investment of £20,000 for 5% of my business.

Peter
Well, tell us what your business is first.

Lawrence
Oh right, yeah, sorry I forgot to do my pitch. (HE UNZIPS HIS TROUSERS AND DROPS THEM TO FLOOR WITH HIS PANTS). For the last three years I've been working in the sex trade as an escort to wealthy women looking for a young guy with more than just a great personality. I've got a weekly turn over of £2,000 but I need further investment to expand my business.

Duncan
No, just no, you don't need the money Lawrence, you're just wasting our time.

Lawrence
I do need you're money, I could make so much for you I just need a little cash injection.

James
Well, what would you spend the £20,000 on?

Lawrence
£5,000 for new flashy suits, I really need some clean socks as well. £10,000 is for safer premises where I can wash between clients and the rest is for Viagra, pumps and other instruments to help me make more of your investment.

V/O
Lawrence begins to look as though he's lost the Dragons' interest.

Theo
Well, tell us what kind of profits you make in the average business year.

Lawrence
This is the thing, I'm just about making enough to feed myself at the minute, that's why I need your help.

Theo
You're obviously not doing things right because you should be making a lot of money with a product like that. Have you ever thought about seeing male clients?

V/O
Lawrence begins to sweat as Theo finds holes in his business.

Lawrence
Uhm, no I can't say that I have.

THEO WALKS OVER AND STANDS BEHIND LAWRENCE AND STARES AT HIS BOTTOM.

Theo
Look you can instantly expand your business two fold and don't forget about you're hands and even you're mouth. If you're prepared to diversify you could quadruple your income.

JAMES MAKES MOTIONS TOWARDS LAWRENCE

James
I never like to invest in a product until I've tried it, do you mind Lawrence?

Lawrence
Well, I desperately need your investment so I suppose not.

Peter
This is ridiculous can we cut to the chase, please?

Deborah
Yes, I think we're ready to make up our minds now Lawrence. I'm out.

Duncan
I'm gonna save everybody's time and say I'm out too because It's just not something I'm looking to invest in at the minute.

Peter
As this is just outrageous, I'm out.

Theo
Well, I don't think that Mrs Paphitis would like me to invest £20,000 of our children's inheritance in something like this…but if James was prepared to put in half of the money for 10% then I would be interested, what do you think James?

James
I'M IN!!!

END

It didn't work for me. It just isn't that clever, making it rude for no reason...if that makes sense.

I like that you got their catchphrases in though. Maybe that could be substance for a sketch, where they only say their catchphrases - or they're like the kids toys where you pull a string and they say their one line...

PETER: "Hi, I'm Peter"
DEBORAH: "You're insulting my intelligence"
THEO: "Why should I invest my children's inheritance in you?"
DUNCAN: "That's absolutely ridiculous"
JAMES: "Let me tell you where I am"

Could a sketch work around something like that? I don't know, just an idea...

Quote: Charisma @ September 3 2009, 11:33 AM BST

It didn't work for me. It just isn't that clever, making it rude for no reason...if that makes sense.

I like that you got their catchphrases in though. Maybe that could be substance for a sketch, where they only say their catchphrases - or they're like the kids toys where you pull a string and they say their one line...

PETER: "Hi, I'm Peter"
DEBORAH: "You're insulting my intelligence"
THEO: "Why should I invest my children's inheritance in you?"
DUNCAN: "That's absolutely ridiculous"
JAMES: "Let me tell you where I am"

Could a sketch work around something like that? I don't know, just an idea...

View original

Thanks for reading it. I don't think things necessarily have to be clever to be funny, but each to their own. Your suggestion doesn't really fit in with my concept of a rent boy offering them 5% of his business/future earnings but I shan't protest too much.

The dragon's den f**kers are funny on their own. This sketch isn't nearly nasty enough!

Quote: Godot Taxis @ September 4 2009, 3:34 AM BST

The dragon's den f**kers are funny on their own. This sketch isn't nearly nasty enough!

View original

Well f**k you! I'm out!

Quote: The Giggle-o @ September 3 2009, 11:41 PM BST

Thanks for reading it. I don't think things necessarily have to be clever to be funny, but each to their own. Your suggestion doesn't really fit in with my concept of a rent boy offering them 5% of his business/future earnings but I shan't protest too much.

View original

I really liked the concept. Thought it would be funnier if the Dragons played it without any indignation. When they ask if he would go with males I thought you could really expand on that....cats, dogs blah blah.

I thought the idea behind this sketch was very good.

But the execution let it down...badly.

The only line I thought was funny was the

V/O
Lawrence begins to sweat as Theo finds holes in his business.

I think there are lots of opportunities for great one line gags with the idea. Have another bash at it.

For a start, I'm of the school of thought that believes that Dragon's den can no longer be considered worthy matter for comedy and should therefore be placed upon the shit pile, alongside strike it lucky and Noel edmonds...Putting that aside, your take on it was absolutely appalling, unbelievable at every step and just not funny. But saying that, at least you tried.

Didn't work for me, sorry.

Quote: LIME5000 @ September 4 2009, 1:15 PM BST

But saying that, at least you tried.

View original

Thanks mum!
Ok well I wrote it abruptly at 3 in the morning in about 5 minutes, there's my excuse! I shall give it another bash, then you can all really lay in to me.

If you work hard at it, really go for it, put everything you can into it. Then I'm sure we'll all see that and reward you for it.