JERRY
I noticed that you were distinctly uncomfortable in the presence of those men.

GEOFF
Well I was taken aback; you don't expect those sorts in a place like this.

JERRY
Gays are just people like you and me you know.

GEOFF
Not like me! Besides, it's not like I have a problem with homosexuality per se; it's just this... this 'ass sex' that bothers me.

JERRY
Why? What business is it of yours what people do with their free time? Even with their ass?

GEOFF
There's poo up there. That's all I'm saying on the matter.

JERRY
That's a ridiculous argument. For a start many straight couples have anal sex as well.

GEOFF
(NOW FRUSTRATED)Okay, I'll prove I'm not anti-gay then by saying that these people are equally depraved. Happy?

JERRY
Not at all! By that logic you should equally be afraid of straights as you are of gays.

GEOFF
I can't go through my whole life assuming every normal person is a sodomite Jerry, but I think that I'm pretty safe assuming the same thing of the 'shit stabbers'. It's disgusting. Would you crap in your hand and masturbate with it?

JERRY
No!

GEOFF
Well there we are then. That's exactly the same as 'ass sex'.

GEOFF
If that's what you think then I'm seriously worried about your anal hygiene. Anyway, what about the vagina? I mean, that's where urine comes from.

GEOFF
(LOOKS AT JERRY IN DISGUST) Ask anyone Jerry, anyone, and I think they'll agree that pee isn't nearly as bad as poo. (PAUSES) I will concede that the thought of that is disgusting though. Ugh - I don't want to sleep with a woman ever again.

JERRY
(SCOFFS) Again?

GEOFF
Oh piss off.

JERRY
You, my friend, are a homophobe.

GEOFF
Yeah, well at least I'm not gay. (PAUSES) Like you. Gay.

So nobody's even slightly interested? Offensive? Gag-lite? Trying too hard? Dull? Obvious? Unrealistic? Lacking in punch/zeal/originality? Too short and useless to have even been posted?

No?

Quote: Agent Cooper @ June 21 2009, 1:35 PM BST

Offensive? Gag-lite? Trying too hard? Dull? Obvious? Unrealistic? Lacking in punch/zeal/originality? Too short and useless to have even been posted?

No?

View original

All of the above, imo.

Knew someone would say that... who's dull and obvious now eh???(??????)?

Comedy derives from context, which is lacking. But taken purely as a witty banter, it is not exactly Noel Coward, is it?

is

Does urine really come out of vaginas?

I agree that there isn't a context. Could work in character based dialogue once those characters are established.

I don't think it's offensive in that the bigot it the twat of the duo, so that's fine.

Not too sure on originality but liked the switch to vagina piss. And the fact that it allowed me to write that previous sentence. And the crapping in hand and wanking bit.

And I liked the juvenile ending - it fitted with character.

The dialogue seemed to flow quite nicely and sounded realistic enough. I think you should change the title to "A stab in the dark". Any sketches that don't feature Gordon Brown are a breath of fresh air on here. And I really think it's a subject worth further exploration. e.g, once the anal has started, does that mean no more oral for the rest of the evening? Or would a quick gargle solve that one? It's a f**king minefield isn't it.

*tee hee* gay men do bum sex! *titter*

HAVE bum sex, you mean.