This is a short sketch. It wasn't as out of date when I wrote it.

int. home office - day

A slow overweight 50 year old man with a large, brown beard and sunglasses sits cross legged at a desk slowly chewing bubble gum and reading the back of an Eminem CD. On his wall we see many posters off rap artists.

Beat.

As the man slowly turns the CD over, he drops it behind the desk.

The man moves his desk away from the wall to retrieve the CD, he sees a small, dark tunnel in the wall with no end in sight. He has never spotted this before, but he does not look enthusiastic or even surprised.

He mumbles something inaudibly, then sticks his chewing gum on the desk behind him and slowly starts to walk through the tunnel.

We see a big flash of light.

int. bathroom - day

The POV of someone washing his hands in a sink.

He picks up a hand towel and looks in the mirror. It's pre-2009 Joaquin Phoenix.

You're going to have to explain that -I'm being a bit dense.

Same here.
The pedant in me says you can mumble something inaudible but you can't mumble inaudibly because it would be mute and not a mumble.

On first impression, the primary theme of Shpadoinkle's 'Asshole: Origins' is the bridge between 'a slow overweight 50 year old man' and 'a large, brown beard and sunglasses'. The brown beard and sunglasses being available for purchase at a fancy dress shop near you. It could be said that 'A small, dark tunnel in the wall with no end in sight', is the defining characteristic, and subsequent absurdity, of 'Asshole: Origins'. It is not so much 'Asshole: Origins' that is part of the collapse of titter-chuckle but rather the use of a pre-2009 Joaquin Phoenix. One gradually realises that the subject is interpolated into a sketch that includes Fart-art as a surrealistic tool; the tool in turn, extracts comments such as, 'I'm sorry. What the f**k was that all about?' - this obviously is the author's primary intention. On the other hand, 'Asshole: Origins' could have been written as the result of a wager.

Quote: Morrace @ June 10 2009, 9:34 PM BST

On first impression, the primary theme of Shpadoinkle's 'Asshole: Origins' is the bridge between 'a slow overweight 50 year old man' and 'a large, brown beard and sunglasses'. The brown beard and sunglasses being available for purchase at a fancy dress shop near you. It could be said that 'A small, dark tunnel in the wall with no end in sight', is the defining characteristic, and subsequent absurdity, of 'Asshole: Origins'. It is not so much 'Asshole: Origins' that is part of the collapse of titter-chuckle but rather the use of a pre-2009 Joaquin Phoenix. One gradually realises that the subject is interpolated into a sketch that includes Fart-art as a surrealistic tool; the tool in turn, extracts comments such as, 'I'm sorry. What the f**k was that all about?' - this obviously is the author's primary intention. On the other hand, 'Asshole: Origins' could have been written as the result of a wager.

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Well that goes without saying.

I've often written things as part of a wager - usually after I lose bets that I can shag 6 German Shepherd dogs in under 4 minutes. It can't be done, even when you've got a hair-trigger like me.

I love the way you add dogs.
Just in case some of us thought you were bothering Germanic animal workers.

Quote: sootyj @ June 11 2009, 1:45 PM BST

I love the way you add dogs.
Just in case some of us thought you were bothering Germanic animal workers.

View original

If only, I'm working up to that.

I can't connect the punch to the rest of the sketch.

It's a bit predictable.

I know the whole Phoenix rapper/Letterman story yet this fails to make any sense to me. What's funny about an old Phoenix being transported back in time to his old self? Is the joke that as a middle-aged man he's still a bearded rapper? Is that really such a leap as to be amusing?

I probably didn't make it clear enough. Basically it's supposed to be a 'Being John Malkovich' type thing. I gave it that title just to give the impression that it was more topical than it actually was.

I got the Being John Malkovich bit, but for some reason I mistook Joaquin for the dead Phoenix, rather than the mad one. Put a whole different spin on it for me.

Can you explain Eminem's involvement? Also, what was the Letterman story??