Okay so I have been messing about planning a sitcom and so far have this, I was wondering if anyone thinks it is any good/has potential? Thanks!

Title: The Job Parrets
(Plays on the initials TJ and the supermarket name Parrets which plays on the bird parrot and the employees of the shop are always immitating each other, stacking shelves and so on)

Characters

TJ:
Age: 23
Height: 5"9
Looks: Slim, dark short hair, white, slight stubble.
Character: Cool, slightly geeky, slightly girly, compassionate, kind, funny
Single: Fancies Maryse
Best Friends: Tommy, Maryse, Steph
Long running: Don't know what TJ stands for, fancies Maryse but doesn't want to ruin friendship by trying to find out if she likes him, always gets joked about being smaller than everyone else

Tommy Doan:
Age: 24
Height: 5"11
Looks: Toned, black afro, black, no facial hair
Character: Cool, funny, fit, sporty
Dating: Steph
Best Friends: TJ, Maryse, Steph
Long running: Plays football for a local Sunday team

Maryse Daniels:
Age: 22
Height: 5"9
Looks: Slim, long straight blonde hair, white
Character: Cool, funny
Single
Best Friends: TJ, Tommy, Steph
Long running: Teases TJ a lot

Steph Tomas:
Age: 24
Height: 5"10
Looks: Slim, medium length dark hair, white
Character: Cool, mature
Dating: Tommy
Best Friends: Tommy, Maryse, TJ
Long running: Packs Tommy's lunch every day

Dom Travol:
Age: 27
Height: 5"11
Looks: Slim, messy dark hair, white, stubble
Character: Serious, mature
Married
Best Friends: Nev
Long running: Likes literature and art, looks down on the other employees, Manager of Fruit and Veg Department

Nev Jones:
Age: 47
Height: 5"10
Looks: Slightly overweight, messy dark hair, white, stubble
Character: Serious, mature, pervy
Single
Best Friends: Dom
Long running: Pervs on customers

Mrs Robinson:
Age: 67
Height: 5"10
Looks: Frail, old, short curly grey hair, white
Character: Grumpy
Widow
Best Friends: n/a
Long running: Hits on TJ's wall when he is too noisy, shouts at TJ when she sees him, moans all of the time, laughs/takes pleasure in any problems/accidents TJ is involved in

Settings

Parrets Supermarket Fruit and Veg Department:
Characters there: TJ, Tommy, Maryse, Steph, Dom, Nev

The Dog & Parrot Pub (D&P):
Characters there: TJ, Tommy, Maryse, Steph

TJ's Flat
Characters there: TJ
Sometimes: Tommy, Maryse, Steph
Outside: Mrs Robinson

Other Notes

TJ narrates the show
I have something big planned for when we actually do find out what TJ stands for.
The episode always finishes either at the pub or TJ's flat with TJ reminiscing the events of the show.

This really tells us nothing at all about the show, apart from it's set in a supermarket. It's hard to give feedback on a location description and list of character-traits.

Write a scene or two and post them up for some real feedback.

The one thing I would say is that it's already seeming a tad parrot-heavy.

I must admit it's hard for me to tell at this stage whether your idea has legs - it's the way characters interact with each other which makes or breaks sitcom. Try writing a few scenes then post them in critique.

Good luck.

Quote: I'm No Superman @ May 17 2009, 11:42 PM BST

Title: The Job Parrets
(Plays on the initials TJ and the supermarket name Parrets which plays on the bird parrot and the employees of the shop are always immitating each other, stacking shelves and so on)

View original

Maybe I'm missing something but I really don't get this? The title makes no sense (even when you explain it, which you can't to a new audience in this way). How does it play on the initials TJ? I think I'd prefer your user name ie I'm No Superman as a title. But hopefully I am missing the obvious and someone will put me right.

I read the new scene and it's an improvement but as Lee says you're still not giving us enough to go on. Is there any chance you could post say two minutes of dialogue without narration? The narration may work over a 30 minute episode but at the moment it's getting in the way of any real interaction.

Jx

(Plays on the initials TJ and the supermarket name Parrets which plays on the bird parrot and the employees of the shop are always immitating each other, stacking shelves and so on)

Building a big expensive set like a Supermarket on stage (if that's where most of the action is?) may put potential producers off. Shoppers would require loads of extras too.

Quote: hey_nonny @ May 18 2009, 7:39 AM BST

(Plays on the initials TJ and the supermarket name Parrets which plays on the bird parrot and the employees of the shop are always immitating each other, stacking shelves and so on)

Building a big expensive set like a Supermarket on stage (if that's where most of the action is?) may put potential producers off. Shoppers would require loads of extras too.

View original

Maybe they could just borrow Dale's.

Quote: hey_nonny @ May 18 2009, 7:39 AM BST

(Plays on the initials TJ and the supermarket name Parrets which plays on the bird parrot and the employees of the shop are always immitating each other, stacking shelves and so on)

Building a big expensive set like a Supermarket on stage (if that's where most of the action is?) may put potential producers off. Shoppers would require loads of extras too.

View original

Set it in one of these small supermarket offshoots, like Tesco Express. That set wouldn't cost much to build.

5"9 isn't short, taller than I am.
Why are they all so tall?

From the set-up I think you could turn it into something interesting.