A MAN IS WALKING THROUGH A RUNDOWN ZOO WITH A BUCKET AND A LADDER, HE'S SMOKING A ROLLY.
A ZOO KEEPER STOPS HIM.

ZOO
Ah you're here to clean the windows in aviary. Take the first left after Marmoset village, then straight through the petting....

MAN
Nah mate I'm here to rape the giraffes.

ZOO
Very funny, now after the petting zoo it's....

MAN(SPEAKING VERY SLOWLY)
I'm hear to rape the giraffes. Are you deaf or summat?

ZOO
If you're being serious that's disgusting. Why would you want to rape such a majestic creature?

MAN
Oh bloody hell this is worse than Duddley Zoo. Ok a giraffe is a wild animal, with no concept of human language or social norms. How on earth can it consent to having sex with a homo sapien?

ZOO
But why are you having sex with it in the first place?

MAN
I work for channel 5. We're trying to compete with the BBC for natural history programs. But how can you compete with the national treasure that is David Attenborough?

ZOO
So you have none consensual intercourse with zoo animals?

MAN
Well David is well into his 80s. Where as I'm an exporn star with a 12 inch wang. It's the one place he can't compete. Do you want to do the voice over?

ZOO
I do not.

MAN
Never mind I'm going home anyway.

ZOO
Seen the error of your ways? You beast?

MAN
Nah f**king Bear Grills beat me to it.

BEAR GRILLS WALKS ON IN RIPPED CLOTHES COVERED IN SCARS.

BEAR
Ha! I just bummed your polar bear for the discovery channel.

Probably me being daft but I had to Google bear grills.

i though it was quite funny but being shorter would have made it funnier. The core joke made me snort (in a good way).

Quote: sootyj @ April 3 2009, 10:01 AM BST

A MAN IS WALKING THROUGH A RUNDOWN ZOO WITH A BUCKET AND A LADDER, HE'S SMOKING A ROLLY.
A ZOO KEEPER STOPS HIM.

ZOO
Ah you're here to clean the windows in aviary. Take the first left after Marmoset village, then straight through the petting....

MAN
Nah mate I'm here to rape the giraffes.

View original

's funny, but I think this bit is all you need.

maybe a bit of a reaction or non-reaction from the zoo keeper...maybe an "oh" and "you wanna take the second right then..."

waddaya think?

ducky x

I think both versions work equally well.

I like yours and I'd say make that your sketch and keep it.

Good to see you moving away from the dog rape stuff finally.

Quote: David Bussell @ April 4 2009, 6:22 PM BST

Good Shame to see you moving away from the dog rape stuff.

View original

Quote: David Bussell @ April 4 2009, 6:22 PM BST

Good to see you moving away from the dog rape stuff finally.

View original

Yes but was it anygood?

I was planning a series of 4 of these suckers.

It reminds me of how I think and write. I liked it, my kind of silly. It could possible use a trim in some small places (but who wants to trim small places?)

I liked it, but I'm a sick twat anyway so my opinion doesn't count for much.

Maybe if the zoo keeper reacted somewhat stronger it would enhance it?

Also I would have done the Rhino instead.
You need at least 6 people to hold down a Giraffe.
Rhino's are more accomodating and they don't seem to mind it much.

Someones obviously never bummed a sloth. Seriously, they just lay there.

My girlfriend isn't a Sloth!

Soots, this is good. Maybe too long, but the bear grills ending is a nice pull-out, if not worded perfectly. Reword it, personally. Same content just more elegant.

I mean this with the greatest respect, so please don't think it's intended in anything but a complimentary way, but you're not just a one-trick topical-sketch pony, as I've been trying to tell you for ages.

Unless someone has been caught bumming a giraffe in the news, then I take it back.

Feedback from the estimable Slagg truly a Delmonte moment.

N.B. I write topical cos that's all the people want to buy or film.

Now if a reputable, possibly Welsh production was to offer to produce it....

Hell I'd loan them the step ladder.

Quote: hey_nonny @ April 4 2009, 7:25 PM BST

Also I would have done the Rhino instead.
You need at least 6 people to hold down a Giraffe.
Rhino's are more accomodating and they don't seem to mind it much.

View original

I think what you mean is they have the horn, so's easier.