INTERVIEW
THE SHOP FLOOR OF A SMALL FACTORY WORKSHOP. TWO MEN - ONE IN A DUSTCOAT, THE OTHER IN A SUIT WALK SLOWLY THROUGH BENCHES AND INDUTRIAL MACHINES; DRILLS LATHES. ETC...ALSO MEN WORK AT BENCHES....WORKING; HAMMERING, WHATEVER.
MAN IN DUST COAT (SMITH)
Aye, when I started up this business, I was a one man band. Used to do everything myself. But things develop, and eventually I had to get people in to help me. I'll tell you, best thing I ever did. Oh, hang on, I’ve got an itch on me back. You know right between the shoulder blades where you can’t reach.....(CALLS AT SOMEONE) Stan, Stan, scratch me back for me, mate?
AN OVERALLED PERSON WALKS OVER AND SCRATCHES SMITHS BACK.
SMITH
That's much better, cheers mate. So, Derek, I can call you Derek, can I? I like to run an imformal ship, here.
SMITH IS HANDED A CUP OF COFFEE.
DEREK
Yes, Derek's fine.
SMITH
So, young Derek.(TAKES A MOUTHFULL OF COFFEE) Oh, hang on...George, do us a favour, would you mate?
GEORGE COMES OVER AND BLOWS ON SMITHS COFFEE.
SMITH
As I was saying. When I started employing other people, I had to have the best man for every job.
SMITH STARTS WRIGGLING AROUND.
SMITH
Where's Fred? Fred, work your magic me old mucker.
FRED APPROACHES SMITH AND SHOVES HIS HAND DOWN THE FRONT OF SMITHS TROUSERS AND GIVES A SHARP TUG.
SMITH
Underpants you understand. Got a tendancy to wander off on their own, know what I mean?....So, Degs. Do you think you'd fit in here?
DEREK
Well I don't really know?
SMITH STARTS WRIGGLING AND CRINKLING HIS NOSE UNCOMFATABLY.
SMITH
Sorry Derek, mate. Oi, Basher....come 'ere.
BASHER COMES OVER PICKS SMITHS NOSE, LOOKS AT IT, THEN WIPES IT IN SMITHS COAT.
SMITH
Cheeky bugger! Right Derek, how are you with your hands?
DEREK
Well I'm actually a trained typist; seventy five words per minute.
SMITH
That's ideal, I've been wanting someone with nifty fingers for ages.
DEREK
So, I'd be working in the office then?
SMITH PUTS HIS ARM AROUND DEREKS SHOULDERS.
SMITH
You see, to me, the end product is everything. The ins and outs of the production side of things doesn't really concern me. But the delivery of the end product is the most important thing of all. And that, Derek, is where you come in.
DEREK
Really?
SMITH
You concern would be that things are rounded off nicely. When the job is done, there's no messy business after.
DEREK
Great, when do I start?
SMITH
Oh, in about half an hour. You'll probably get some overtime today, (SMITH HANDS DEREK A TOILET ROLL) I had a curry last night!
ENDS
