HITLER ENERGY BILL by Mikey J

INT. HITLER'S WAR OFFICE. DAY.

HERMANN GOERING WALKS INTO THE OFFICE AND DOES A GERMAN SALUTE TO HITLER.

GOERING:
Heil Hitler.

HITLER:
Ah, Herr Goering. How's the Final Solution going?

HITLER PERFORMS AN INVERTED COMMA GESTURE WITH HIS FINGERS UPON SAYING THE WORDS "FINAL SOLUTION."

GOERING:
Not good, Herr Hitler. We've had to close down the gas chambers.

HITLER:
What? Why have you had to do this?

GOERING:
It's the rising cost of energy, you see. A huge gas bill came in this morning. I don't know how we're going to pay it.

HITLER:
Bloody credit crunch. How are we supposed to commit genecide if the energy bills keep going up? It's getting ridiculous. Any suggestions?

GOERING:
Maybe we should lobby the government to help people pay their energy bills.

HITLER:
We are the government, you idiot. (BEAT) Oh, everything seems to be going up in price these days. What is the world coming to? It's bad enough giving six million prisoners free bed and board. It costs a fortune to keep them fed, what with the rising cost of food.

GOERING:
Surely, it can't cost that much to feed them. You only give them bread.

HITLER:
Have you seen the price of a loaf lately?

GOERING:
Okay. Point taken.

HITLER:
It's no good. We're going to have to educate them on how to save energy. I visited Auschwitz the other day. I saw one of them boiling a full kettle. He was only making a cup of tea for himself, the electricity-wasting bastard.

GOERING:
Yes, I know what you mean. Yesterday, I caught one of them leaving a light on. He wasn't even in the room.

HITLER:
I know, I know. Just imagine if they all did that. It all adds up, you know. Have you got any more suggestions that'll save us money?

GOERING:
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. We can save money by replacing the gas with a renewable form of energy. All we need to do is install some wind turbines.

HITLER:
Wind turbines? What are we going to do? Blow the Jews to death?

F/X: TELEPHONE RINGS.

HITLER ANSWERS THE TELEPHONE.

HITLER:
Hello? No, I don't bloody want car insurance! (HANGS UP PHONE) (TO GOERING) Bloody Indian call centres. Makes you wonder whether we're persecuting the right race.

END.

Nice angle, Mikey. Funny idea, well written. Hope there are no Indians in the audience though.

Decent idea and sketch Mikey.

Well written. Wish I could write my sketches as well as this.

But surely if he's strapped of cash, he'd want to save money on his car insurance? Prob a moot point.

Quote: Mikey J @ September 6 2008, 4:56 PM BST

Bloody Indian call centres. Makes you wonder whether we're killing off the right race.
.

View original

Am I the only one made a little uneasy by this line?

Possibly a quibble, but the Nazis did not use natural gas in the gas chambers. (Presumably because of health and safety considerations.)

And would Hitler and Goerring really have addressed one another as Mr? (Try "Mein Fuhrer" and "Reichsmarschall Goerring")

Quote: Timbo @ September 6 2008, 5:33 PM BST

Am I the only one made a little uneasy by this line?

View original

No.

No - it was a hard-hitting line. But then I personally feel queasy at Holocaust jokes too. Taste aside, it's still well written.

Assumed you were going for the Hitlerity Prize: --> https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/9075

Thanks peeps.
I've had the idea for ages, but was too scared to write it for fears of reprisals. OOER!

Well written. Wish I could write my sketches as well as this.

eH? I've seen MUCH better sketches than this penned by you, Rob0.

But surely if he's strapped of cash, he'd want to save money on his car insurance? Prob a moot point.

Bugger. Yeah, you're right.

Bloody Indian call centres. Makes you wonder whether we're killing off the right race.
Am I the only one made a little uneasy by this line?

Yeah, I suppose it is a little offensiv, but I'm trying to attack the call centres, not the nation.

Possibly a quibble, but the Nazis did not use natural gas in the gas chambers. (Presumably because of health and safety considerations.)

Yeah, I suppose, but this is my sick mind.
What did they actually use?

And would Hitler and Goerring really have addressed one another as Mr? (Try "Mein Fuhrer" and "Reichsmarschall Goerring")

Yeah, I SHOULD have addressed Hitler as his preferred "Mein Fuhrer"

Thanks Mikey. But your current affairs sketches seem to follow through properly, whereas mine tend to be a couple of decent ideas roughly coupled with some strained jokes, with no real rhythm. But I aim to improve on this.

And yours clearly work for an audience, as demonstrated by the regularity of your NewsRevue credits

Anyhow, before this becomes some perverse comedy love-in, a thought to "lighten" it up (if that's possible) could be:

HITLER:
Hello? Yes, I do want to save money on my car insurance! OK, well send it in the post.(HANGS UP PHONE) (TO GOERING)
Bloody good, those Indian salesmen. Quoted me happy all right. In fact, take them off the list.
END.

Or something less rushed and funnier, using the fact he's happy with saving some DeutschMarks.

Also rather than "Holocaust" would be inclined to use "Master Plan"/Plan

Hmm not a bad idea a rejig of the old, why did Hitler kill him self gag.

(he got his gas bill)

Dark sketches need to be punchy, and this ain't it's really a bit long.

And it doesn't really add anything to the original.

Wind turbines is a good angle.

Myabe, annoy them to death?

Quote: Rob0 @ September 7 2008, 12:10 AM BST

Thanks Mikey. But your current affairs sketches seem to follow through properly, whereas mine tend to be a couple of decent ideas roughly coupled with some strained jokes, with no real rhythm. But I aim to improve on this.

And yours clearly work for an audience, as demonstrated by the regularity of your NewsRevue credits

View original

Many of my sketches start off as a couple of ideas, and that's that. Then, when I write, more ideas tend to flow out.
I didn't even have a punchline when I first started writing it. Nor had I thought up the wind turbines and saving energy (kettle/lights on) ideas.

I think it all takes practice.
I used to think up sketches when I was at school, so I've been doing it a looooong long time.

Quote: Rob0 @ September 7 2008, 12:10 AM BST

Anyhow, before this becomes some perverse comedy love-in, a thought to "lighten" it up (if that's possible) could be:

HITLER:
Hello? Yes, I do want to save money on my car insurance! OK, well send it in the post.(HANGS UP PHONE) (TO GOERING)
Bloody good, those Indian salesmen. Quoted me happy all right. In fact, take them off the list.
END.

Or something less rushed and funnier, using the fact he's happy with saving some DeutschMarks.

Also rather than "Holocaust" would be inclined to use "Master Plan"/Plan

View original

Yeah, that sounds like a good ending. But is there such a thing as a "good" salesman from those bloody call centres? They're annoying.

I just went for the shock ending as I needed to end it with a bang, considering it had quite a few gags which could have been punchlines.

Quote: sootyj @ September 7 2008, 3:24 AM BST

Hmm not a bad idea a rejig of the old, why did Hitler kill him self gag.

(he got his gas bill)

Dark sketches need to be punchy, and this ain't it's really a bit long.

And it doesn't really add anything to the original.

Wind turbines is a good angle.

Maybe, annoy them to death?

View original

Yeah, I know it's an old gag really, but I felt it was a good idea to use in the current economic climate.

No

A Yacob Wingnut post! This is a rare thing!

The sketch didn't feel me with joy. It made me feel a little uneasy too.

Yeah, admittedly it is one of those marmite type sketches, and very controversial.

I've edited the sketch a bit to have him saying Final Solution instead of Holocaust.
And I've slightly toned down the punchline.