Hi All

Submitted the script for this to "DM's are Open". They didn't make it. I made it myself:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcaK4QjhFas

Any feedback on the script, animation, voices, sound, editing, and anything else welcome.

Kind Regards
Yac

Hi Yacob. I watched this the other day when it popped up on my YouTube feed.

I liked the sketch, it was fun and silly. There's something unnerving about your animation style, feels like it almost distracts from the sketch. But then again, it's your style and vision and I don't think you should change anything.

How long does it take you to make a sketch like this? What program do you use? Once the models are rigged up is it a case of just puppeteering them about and adding the voices? (as well as a load of skill of years of honing your craft!).

Yay, someone here watched it .

Thanks Lee. Personally I think the characters looks rather cute, but other people I showed this to found them creepy (my eyes might be broken). I've now shown this to people in TV Land and they seem to like it, which is nice.

To answer your questions: It took about three months to make, but I'm learning how to make things quicker. The animation was done on Blender with a tiny bit of help from Photoshop and the police logo on the banner was made with Bing Image Creator (and then a bit more Photoshop again). Once you've made the characters and given them movement you've done most of the work, but there are a lot of small things to tweak afterwards (e.g. making sure body parts don't clip through things they shouldn't).

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 3rd May 2024, 9:42 AM

Yay, someone here watched it .

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A novelty these days it seems.

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 3rd May 2024, 9:42 AM

Thanks Lee. Personally I think the characters looks rather cute, but other people I showed this to found them creepy (my eyes might be broken). I've now shown this to people in TV Land and they seem to like it, which is nice.

View original

I can see how you might think they're cute, they're round and soft. It's not like we're looking at a Tim Burton character model. I think there's just something about the way they move that's surreal. Glad to hear the TV people liked it, that always helps.

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 3rd May 2024, 9:42 AM

To answer your questions: It took about three months to make, but I'm learning how to make things quicker.

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Whhaat?! Loads of respect. The one time I put effort into an animation, it took me a few days and my eyes were bleeding by the end.

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 3rd May 2024, 9:42 AM

The animation was done on Blender with a tiny bit of help from Photoshop and the police logo on the banner was made with Bing Image Creator (and then a bit more Photoshop again). Once you've made the characters and given them movement you've done most of the work, but there are a lot of small things to tweak afterwards (e.g. making sure body parts don't clip through things they shouldn't).

View original

I think I've asked you that question before. But thanks for answering. I can see a lot of love and effort goes into your sketches. Keep it up. I'll like and subscribe and all that good stuff to support you fella 👍 and then when you get to Pixar you can be like, hey I remember a little monkey fella who would like to work on the next movie I can bring in 😁

I always enjoy your videos, Yacob.

I loved the first half of this one, but I thought it got a bit untethered for the second half. Also, the voice of the father was so wacky it was actually a bit hard to tell at first whether he'd mispronounced the word, I wasn't sure what I'd heard until he explained it. For me I'd have played it a bit more straight, and let the oddness of the situation rather than the oddness of the characters be the focus. But still, great concept and some nice lines.

I liked the animation, especially the bushy hair.

Love the animation, but not the script.

Quote: gappy @ 4th May 2024, 2:33 PM

I always enjoy your videos, Yacob.

I loved the first half of this one, but I thought it got a bit untethered for the second half. Also, the voice of the father was so wacky it was actually a bit hard to tell at first whether he'd mispronounced the word, I wasn't sure what I'd heard until he explained it. For me I'd have played it a bit more straight, and let the oddness of the situation rather than the oddness of the characters be the focus. But still, great concept and some nice lines.

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Thanks gappy. Other people have specifically brought up liking parts in the second half (the ransom note meaning different things and the punchline) so it may be a case of different people liking different things. I went a bit wacky with the Dad character because I was worried about the cartoon being too dark, but maybe I went too far with it - I think with the next thing I make I'll play things a little straighter. Listening back, I probably should've made the difference between "pieces" and "pizzas" a bit more blatant (that line was a pain to record by the way because of all the laughing I had to do) but hopefully the joke is clear enough nonetheless (I say "hopefully" because I've uploaded the cartoon now and sent it to people so there's no going back ).

Quote: beaky @ 4th May 2024, 2:38 PM

Love the animation, but not the script.

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Thanks beaky. What didn't you like about the script? Too dark? Too silly? Just plain not funny enough?

Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 3rd May 2024, 9:42 AM

Yay, someone here watched it .

Thanks Lee. Personally I think the characters looks rather cute, but other people I showed this to found them creepy (my eyes might be broken). I've now shown this to people in TV Land and they seem to like it, which is nice.

View original

The mouths reminded me of those 'Charlie Says' adverts which I always found pretty creepy!
Overall it worked, though not sure why his son would be 'in pieces'/upset after he'd been taken for a day out?

Thanks a plate. I think the son is upset with his father and the trip to the cinema isn't enough to rectify that. When the son sees the father again, he'll still be "in pieces".

I don't see the see the similarity with "Charlie Says", but - as previously mentioned - my eyes could very well be broken.

Thanks Yacob, I enjoyed that. The animation and use of the eyeballs and eyebrows is excellent and the voices are agreeable and something like Rik Mayall would do. There was a lot of dialogue so the script could have been shorter but overall it worked. The voices could have been clearer as I struggled to hear what was being said a few times. The plot was confusing because I had assumed the son would be in pieces because he was going to see a sad film but even more confusing is putting someone in pizzas and not using Pizzas as a fast food joint the son will be in later. The pieces/pizzas joke is lost a bit because people aren't usually cut up and put in pizzas. Overall it feels like your hard work on the visuals is not being given due credit with the scripting and audio.

A few ideas are:

Sound effects (photographers, people coughing, escaped pigeons...) and dramatic background music that emphasises important moments.

It should end with the dad being dragged off with a cane around the neck (or something similar) One last sight gag to end on.

I like your style of animation and humour and think it's Terry Pratchett creepy not Stephen King creepy. Willo the Wisp and Charlie Says inoffensive style humour which has an appealing charm. The best part was the way the dad keeps talking about his business and it reminded me of 'That's Reeves & Mortimer' when Vic & Bob were plugging quality merchandise from the Reeves & Mortimer range and more recently when Tim Key is plugging British Gas on an episode of This Time: With Alan Partridge.

Thanks for watching and your thoughts, Definitely Tarby. For the record, comparing a mere mortal like myself in anyway to Rik Mayall is sacrilegious!

Secondly, the 'people' in the crowd are pigeons who've flocked together and settled into human shapes (Clearly).

Very good . Well done that man .