FX: SOUNDS OF BUSY RESTAURANT

WAITER:You are ready to order, madame?

WOMAN:Is your chicken organic?

WAITER:Er non, is free-range - from Provence.

WOMAN:And the salmon’s not wild?

WAITER: No, madame.

WOMAN:And the lamb?

WAITER:The lamb? Let me see. The lamb is …

FX: SOUND OF SHUFFLING PAPERS

WAITER:Yes, I ‘ave. From West Wales.

WOMAN:You wouldn’t know the farm?

WAITER:The farm?

FX: SOUND OF MORE SHUFFLING PAPERS:

WAITER: … The farm. Ah voila, Strawberry ‘ill, it sound agréable, non?

WOMAN:Ye-es.

WAITER: And ‘is age … (TRIUMPHANTLY) Five month!

WOMAN:Five?

WAITER:And ‘is name …

WOMAN:His name?

WAITER: Is,‘ow you say? – Jean, John. John’s anniversaire is twenty-second March, so ‘e would be six month … (MENTALLY CALCULATING) Today! … If ‘e was alive.

WOMAN:Today?

WAITER: ‘E will be tender, madame. Excellent with mint sauce and a green salad. You fancy Jean, madame?

WOMAN: Er non, no, just the salad for me, thanks… .

WAITER: Et for monsieur.

MAN: John sounds good to me, mate. He come with chips?

Ha!
I thought this was well-written. It made me smile, certainly, but maybe I'd've liked a stronger punch? It all worked fine as it is but I feel it all could've come up a notch. But it's just relatively gentle, I suppose. Hmmm... for me, I could see it as part of a play, perhaps, rather than a stand-alone sketch.

Quote: James Williams @ March 11, 2008, 1:16 PM

maybe I'd've liked a stronger punch?

View original

Yes, well I always struggle with punchlines, and I know this one isn't right, but believe me I've tried.

Any suggestions?

I didn't get it sorry!

Quote: James Williams @ March 11, 2008, 1:16 PM

Maybe I'd've liked a stronger punch.

View original

No trouble, James. Come round my gaff and bring some bungee cord, a tarp and two grand in non-sequential bills.

Oh, and sorry - the sketch was lost on me. Is it to do with a demanding customer or is there some significance to the name John?

Quote: David Bussell @ March 11, 2008, 2:30 PM

Oh, and sorry - the sketch was lost on me. Is it to do with a demanding customer or is there some significance to the name John?

View original

There is a significance to the name John in the States, but I wasn't thinking of that here.

I was trying to write about food snobbery, provenance etc and how people lose track of what they're actually eating, but obviously didn't hit the mark, with you at least.

Quote: John Kelly @ March 11, 2008, 3:03 PM

I was trying to write about food snobbery, provenance etc and how people lose track of what they're actually eating...

View original

Mm, that's how I read it.

Quote: John Kelly @ March 11, 2008, 3:03 PM

I was trying to write about food snobbery, provenance etc and how people lose track of what they're actually eating, but obviously didn't hit the mark, with you at least.

View original

I supected as much. I'm obviously not on my own in being confused though. If you can do without the 'John' bit I think it's a lot clearer anyway.

While I'm at it, why bring in a third character at the end there? Wouldn't it be funnier if you stuck to the woman and have her, after all her snobbery in regards to the lamb, order it with a side of curly fries and baked beans?

Haha, that might be a better punch - similar to that guy in Little Britain though. "And a packet of Monster Munch and a carton of Um Bongo."

Quote: James Williams @ March 11, 2008, 3:25 PM

Haha, that might be a better punch - similar to that guy in Little Britain though. "And a packet of Monster Munch and a carton of Um Bongo."

View original

Don't know that character. Damn your eyes, Williams!

Quote: David Bussell @ March 11, 2008, 3:24 PM

I supected as much. I'm obviously not on my own in being confused though. If you can do without the 'John' bit I think it's a lot clearer anyway.

While I'm at it, why bring in a third character at the end there? Wouldn't it be funnier if you stuck to the woman and have her, after all her snobbery in regards to the lamb, order it with a side of curly fries and baked beans?

View original

Oh God, the idea of the lamb having a name was what I really liked. I know they say kill your darlings, but I'd be really reluctant to lose that.

As for the third character, I generally agree that it's clumsy to have extra characters coming in unnecessarily. I just feel she'd then be going out of character to change her order like that, but you may be right. And it might well get a laugh. I'll think about it.

Well it made perfect sense to me on first reading. It's a nice idea. It's well written, and it's also obvious that she is with her partner. You maybe should have mentioned this when setting the scene, e.g, A COUPLE ARE ORDERING FOOD IN A FRENCH RESTAURANT. the lamb's birthday line sounds very funny, coming from a french waiter. It's hard to believe that something as good as this was written by the same guy who wrote the sketch about Gordon Brown.

Not bad, but for for a low key punch I'd amp up the rest of the skit.

The lamb was baptised, it went to it's death surrounded by it's friends, it had a beutiful funeral etc before being butchered.

I think a skit, that contrasts an OTT holier than though attitude, with a nice simple line about chips is a winner.

Quote: DIKTURNIP @ March 11, 2008, 3:49 PM

It's hard to believe that something as good as this was written by the same guy who wrote the sketch about Gordon Brown.

View original

What one must remember is that for shows like Treason and NR a certain style is required. I'm still in the process of trying to learn it but John clearly knows what he's doing. I don't think sophisticated subtlety is on the menu.

So bear that in mind when reading his political stuff.

Different words for different herds.

Good stuff. I liked it. Although this part threw me off a bit:
WAITER: … The farm. Ah voila, Strawberry ‘ill, it sound agréable, non?