Hi

I would love some feedback on my sketch,I have shown friends and the say it needs to be shortened and also the Professor character goes from being pretty normal to surreal so there is incongruity there which needs to be changed. I agree with them on both those points my problem is I don't know which route to take with the Professor I could make him a Jobsworth (like David Brent) or an idiot (like Angelos Epithemiou) or just a total nutty professor who doesn't make much sense.

Also most important, can you tell me if it offended you because I don't want to alienate 40% of my audience.

Please also let me know which jokes you found most funny and which you didn't like so I can take them out for the re-write, If you think any of them would get a groan please let me know because I am not a fan of those types of jokes.

The sketch:

In an room a man is sitting in chair looking vacant with feet up on desk. (I am not sure yet what type of character I should make him for the rewrite) A student enters the room looking anxious.

Student; Professor, I hope this isn't a bad time.

(professor is startled and quickly stands up to welcome the student with open arms)

Prof; Not at all my child.... pull up a pew.

The student looks a little confused, and sits down across the table from the professor.

Student; Thank you, .... I got my dissertation back and I have some issues with the marking.

Prof; Ah yes your dissertation, history of evolution wasn't it.

Student; You see I went to Wentworth college in Kent .....

Prof; (interrupting) Wentworth lovely collage! I performed an exorcism not too far from there.

Student; (a bit confused) You see I was taught at college that the world was formed over billions of years of solar sculpting...

Prof; (pause) Go on.

Student; (remaining respectful) but you have put here that it was created by our lord and saviour in 6 days.

Prof; (confident) Yesss, he was contracted to do it in 5, but he took a day off due to a light interstellar shower, (shrugging) typical builders huh.

Student; (bit frustrated) Right but that's not what I was taught.

Prof; (reclining into chair, laid back and gesticulating) Yes there are a lot of theories flying around but you can be confident in my knowledge, My PHD in Evolutionary Biology and Theology was awarded by the top village Shaman.

Student; Shaman?

Prof; Yes a two week intensive course in Zimbabwe. The shaman baptised me a biologist and a priest and all I had to do was lick a Technicolour toad. It was a revelation, I saw god, ... Long white hair and white beard, in an Adidas shell suit on his way to bank a handful of 50's

Student; (credulous) So you did both Evolutionary Biology and Religious Studies?

Prof; (confident) Yep, I had a near death experience that made me want to revaluate my life.

Student; A near death experience?

Prof; I was working in a retirement home.

Student; Right. (willing to give him a chance) so what should I have put down for my dissertation then?

Prof; Well I know for a fact that the God created everything; first he created the Earth ... well actually he stole it from Buda who was using it as an exercise ball, Buda is very self-conscious of his weigh.... Then he set the route for the sun but forgot to make it pass over Scotland. Finally he whipped up a great recipe for the sea, but ruined it by adding to much salt.

Student; So you don't believe in Darwinism then? He said that the human body will adapt to help suit the challenges of the environment.

Prof; (inquisitively) what so in the future, all kids will be born with mute buttons?

Student; (looking a little deflated) No

Prof; Anyway my Shaman made it pretty clear that I didn't come from an ape.
Student; Well I'm pretty sure you came from Homo Erectus.

Prof; (looks embarrassed) Look I only go to Homo Erectus for the cocktails.

Student; No that's not what I meant, what I meant was... (deflated) oh never mind. (a thought springs to mind) Anyway scientists have found a cave man frozen in a block of ice in the north pole which is over a million years old.

Prof; (looks confused) The ones that have the stone cars with a hole in the bottom to push the car along?

Student; (Starting to give up) That's the Flintstones, it's a cartoon.

Prof; Well yeah all they had back then were cartoons, remember there were no fancy computers.

Student; (accepted that this is going to be tough) Right.... Also I am not happy on how I have been marked on the Jurassic Period. Didn't a meteor impact cause the extinction of the dinosaurs.

Prof; That's one theory...also some say it was the release of the McDonalds Dino Burger.. Very Tasty. I was told that Jesus performed his greatest miracle and put them in a blender to make fossil fuel so each and every human would be self reliant and never need to fight. Then he put it all in one convenient place called the Middle East.

Student; (trying to catch him out) I am no priest but I am pretty sure Jesus' greatest miracle was walking on water.

Prof; Actually you have a point there, My Shaman says he knows Jesus well and has seen him perform his show of walking on water, but when Jesus slept with the whore of Babylon he was playing with fire, the public were outraged and now the only gig he can get is Dancing on Ice.

Student; (shaking his head angry in disbelief) It's not just your marking I have an issue with, I have come to your office looking for you every afternoon but you are never here.

Prof; I watch TV in the afternoon's.

Student; Don't you think that's a bit irresponsible.

Prof; But one of the commandments is to love thy Neighbour's.

Student; (at breaking point) I want to speak to another academic in this department.

Prof; (looking sorry that he might have offended the Student) Sure ... you could see Dr Bellini but she is out sacrificing our worst student to make the rain come and the corn grow, and bring our average grades up.

Student; Is everyone in this facility religious? doesn't anyone believe in the Big Bang?

Prof; (smiling and looking relieved) ah yes, you want Professor Akbar. He believes in all that stuff. Ah here he is now....

Professor Akbar enters and is dressed in attire that clearly shows he is Muslim. the student has his back to him.

Prof; (speaking to Prof Akbar) Professor, we were just talking about the Big Bang.

Student turns around and looks surprised.

Prof Akbar; Ah yes you see it all starts with the big bang.

Student; (looking relieved) at last!

Prof Akbar; But isn't that a price worth paying for 72 Virgins?

END

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this
If you are religious would you be offended or would it make you uncomfortable at all if you saw this in a show? I really don't want to offend anyone and if it did I am sorry and I will dump the sketch and try and write something else.