Quote: Jennie @ 8th January 2015, 8:46 PM GMT

Personally, I am not a massive fan of rape jokes. But each to their own.

But with stand up, there is no substitute for getting out there and doing your stuff. If it flops, scrap it and write something better.

I would also work on your persona - on the basis of those three jokes you are a violent, house burgling sex offender.

Do you need a lawyer at all?

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There's only room for one violent, house burgling sex offender act on here, and that's me I'm afraid.

Stand up's not my thing but I'll have a go.

Quote: connor King @ 8th January 2015, 8:09 PM GMT

Sound everyone!
I know what your thinking as I swagger onto the stage. Yes, I look like Marv from home alone. This subject was brought up on a date I had, she says to me, "you remind me of Marv from home alone" confused I ask "whys that?" She replys "your hairstyle and fashion sense" I told her to "suck her nan" because I'm nothing like Marv from home alone, so next night I burgled her house.

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I know what you're all thinking, "isn't he the cute one from Home Alone?". I get it all the time. "Oi, Mate. Wet Bandits!". I wouldn't mind so much but it's ruined my dreams of being a plumber. I mean, who wants to hire a bloke famous for flooding basements.

That said, looking like a D list movie star from the 90's can be a big hit with the ladies. Or so I thought. I've had my fingers burnt too many times, literally. Why people still find red hot door handles funny 25 years later baffles me.