Just put up a new poem on my blog entitled 'Craig of the Night'. http://romeothepaphian.wordpress.com/2014/07/02/craig-of-the-night/

sorry Rupert , I read it and its quite serious to my mind .where is the comedy ? the humour ? the laughs ? sorry , just not my cup of tea old boy !

Quote: slarnder @ 2nd July 2014, 8:07 PM BST

sorry Rupert , I read it and its quite serious to my mind .where is the comedy ? the humour ? the laughs ? sorry , just not my cup of tea old boy !

View original

is it well-written and structured though... even if its not suited to this site

Quote: Rupert Nitrogen @ 2nd July 2014, 9:39 PM BST

is it well-written and structured though... even if its not suited to this site

View original

depends if that's your opinion or somebody elses lol

Quote: slarnder @ 2nd July 2014, 11:27 PM BST

depends if that's your opinion or somebody elses lol

View original

what do you mean? I asked you if it was well written

Quote: Rupert Nitrogen @ 3rd July 2014, 3:52 PM BST

what do you mean? I asked you if it was well written

View original

no. what you actually said was 'is it well-written and structured though... even if its not suited to this site ' . that , dear boy , is a statement , not a question .

Could you seriously not tell it was a question? Maybe use a little instinct... It was clearly a question, he'd just forgotten to use a question mark.

yep , I read it as 'it is ' not 'is it' so my bad lol . but its really not my sort of thing so I would see what the serious poetry lovers make of it.

It is well written, but there are lines that make me think, "you what?"
Only alive - ?
Dark as hell - at 9pm - are you having a laugh?
Breeze is too much - come on in then
Here comes the bride - the only line that can follow that is "all fat and wide"
Craig - Why did you pick that name? Sounds more chavvy than hippy.

Hope that helps!

Quote: Shirl the Whirl @ 4th July 2014, 10:20 AM BST

It is well written, but there are lines that make me think, "you what?"
Only alive - ?
Dark as hell - at 9pm - are you having a laugh?
Breeze is too much - come on in then
Here comes the bride - the only line that can follow that is "all fat and wide"
Craig - Why did you pick that name? Sounds more chavvy than hippy.

Hope that helps!

View original

Yeh thanks...

Only alive = he is just alive, but feels he has no worth
It sometimes is dark at 9pm in the winter, maybe even at 6pm

You're not defending Craig then?
Seriously, you've got a nice writing style, but you've got a few dodgy lines in there. It almost sounds like a parody of a "meaningful" poem, which is fine if that is what you intended, but disappointing if you didn't.

Quote: Shirl the Whirl @ 4th July 2014, 2:13 PM BST

You're not defending Craig then?
Seriously, you've got a nice writing style, but you've got a few dodgy lines in there. It almost sounds like a parody of a "meaningful" poem, which is fine if that is what you intended, but disappointing if you didn't.

View original

that is what it was meant to be I suppose, I obviously need to emphasise that more.