I'm getting really lazy here and know I'm probably seeting myself up for grief but before I'd ever looked into formatting (and still don't know the industry standard way, if there is such a thing) this was how I used to write things, just to get them down somewhere and I've just copied and pasted it here the same way again.

I tend to come up with a joke ending and once I get feedback as to if the joke itself is amusing or not, then I worry about dialogue and presentation.....see, I told you I was lazy.

I also wanted views outside of just family and friends' on whether anything I write is funny.........and that's mainly because they all said noooooooooooo!

This one starts with a suited a booted bloke who knocks on a door and when told to come in, asks?

"Sorry, is this the seminar for Running Governments Departments For Middle Management?"

"Yes" says the bloke running the course, "And we've only just started so if you quickly take a seat we'll carry on"

So the bloke sits down and the course provider continues...

"Right, so where were we?" he asks "Oh yes, that's right"

and with a volunteer standing beside him to demonstrate on, he uses a stick on his body to point out

"Arse.....Elbow!"

Maybe in the current climate this could be a Home Office Department seminar.

And again I know the wordings are clunky and that the name of the seminar can be altered but if the joke's punch line itself is deemed rubbish then I'll concentrate on something else and maybe come back to this one later.

Thanks in advance for any comments.

This would work better for me as a 1 panel comic strip in a newspaper not a sketch. With the arse...elbow demonstration and "Home Office traning day" written on a black board. You can set a punchline up visually without dialog.

Agree that a sketch may not be the best vehicle, but liked the joke.

I hope that you take the plunge and put your work into a proper sketch format. If you're not sure how to lay it out then go back into the critique and have a look at how others have done theirs. I reckon this is one of the best forums for advice and it would be a shame to miss out because of your self-proclaimed laziness.

Quote: imamazed @ March 1, 2007, 1:19 PM

And again I know the wordings are clunky and that the name of the seminar can be altered but if the joke's punch line itself is deemed rubbish then I'll concentrate on something else and maybe come back to this one later.

View original

I think that would be a mistake because that is a perfect example of you giving into your laziness. This has nothing to do with advice on wording needing to be ironed out when the whole sketch needs to be panel beaten into some kind of acceptable form otherwise it's just a gag, or have I completely missed the point because that was all it was ever meant to be?

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You open with "This one starts with a suited a booted bloke..."

Sorry, Ima. Baumski is bang on. Your role is to make it a pleasure for people to read your work. At present, it could be the funniest script in the world but you aren't giving yourself a fair crack. Your other sketches are generally formatted, so it's not that you don't know a useable format. Once again, I apologise for my cranky tone. But please can't you just spend a few minutes putting it into a more readable form and help us out a little?

Agree with all of the above. You've got to do a little of the spade work yourself. I know the editing can be boring, but it's a good lesson in self reviewing. I liked the idea, just needs a bit of work. Hope to see more of your stuff soon...Bobo

I have read all the points mentioned above and could reply to each and every one of them……but, I really can’t be arsed.

I’m just kidding honestly and I do appreciate all the help and encouragement, I’ve just been feeling a bit rough the last couple of days and it's that that has made meand put me in a lazy frame of mind.....please feel free whack out a tune on the violin by the way. LOL

As has been mentioned, with the previous dozen or so sketches I’ve put up, I have actually formatted it the way I thought best, whereas this last one and the Dragon’s Den one, I just cut and pasted.....although I didn't think it was all that difficult to read, but accept that a little bit of effort, is maybe called for, so fair enough.

I've had plenty of helpful and well meaning advice from many people in the short time that I’ve been on this site, it’s just that there's been quite a bit of it to take in and some of it differs from person to person and I'm maybe suffering a little bit from paralysis by analysis.

Originally it seemed like I was being advised to keep it down to a minimum and not too much descriptive stuff, then when I edited and trimmed things down, I seemed to get another view and while all kinds of views are what I need to hear, I don't know yet whose judgement to trust as I've maybe not really been here long enough yet.

I have actually downloaded SciptSmart but unless I’m missing something, it doesn’t really look that much more than a blank MS Word document anyway, apart from maybe a few title headings, so.....

I also struggle a little with getting visual jokes down in a written form when there isn't that much dialogue, as in the Citizens Advice Bureau joke or this next one for example:

Having a full clothed "Streaker" run onto the field and jump over the stumps at the Nude Cricket World Cup, while the nude fielders look on as the streaker is then rugby tackled by stewards, who are also nude apart from a wearing officials hats.....how do you write that up as a sketch?

When I did the Dragon’s Den one I also mentioned ideas about spoof reality TV shows and most of them are more descriptive rather than dialogue based. For example:

A houseful of Tibetan monks all living together with weekly eliminations until there's only one left as the winner and calling it Big Buddha

A judging panel based talent show, where spinach eating, pipe smoking contestants audition for the judges while dressed as sailors, called Popeye Idol

A gameshow for nymphomaniacs where each is given a box which might contain a sextoy and are then made offers for the box or they can choose to open it, called Dildo or No Dildo

I’m not really too sure how I write those up as a sketch either.

Download scriptsmart and read the instructions on the scriptsmart website. There very useful and also also read the other threads on this site.

I'm going to get philosophical now. A sketch withou a good structure will fall down like a building however if it has a good structure but shite contents its the millenium dome. I'd say your probably a semi-detached at the moment. I have no idea what that means but i hope it helps.

At the momnent i'm as drunk as a monk on skunk so thanks for your post SlagA, the first bit really helped my headache. [I would insert a smiley face here but don't know how, isn't that ironical, post ironical, i'm going to lie down.]

Sorry, AJP. I was trying to show that making the reader do the work can irk.

Ima, as I said it was a bad day for me and I was cranky. If you were not feeling up to it, I'd have left it a day or two before posting.

Yep, you'll get conflicting views as to what is / isn't good comedy. Only you can decide which advice to follow as you develop along your own chosen path. However, whichever paths you choose, some advice applies to us all.

Identifying and writing the essential dialogue / action is crucial whether it's a one-liner or (God forbid such a monstrosity exists) a ten-pager. Each line in comedy should be either a joke or a stepping-stone to a joke or plot development. At the same time, it should tell us something about the character. I couldn't comment on the dialogue in the above sketch when some of it was presented to us as 3rd party reporting.

AJP makes a good and balanced point between form and content. The content is the hardest part of all to acheive but there's no real excuse for omitting the easiest part, form. That is something every writer has control over. As AJP says, there are samples in ScriptSmart that show you how the final script will / should look.

As to sketches with little dialogue: the great Leonard Sachs won an award for a radio play that told a story through sound effect and no dialogue so it can be done. Again, ScriptSmart has an example or two of how to present pure action.

You seem to be producing a lot of writing but your eagerness to get it out may sometimes be a stumbling stone rather than an advantage.

I like your sketches but after wrestling with my own words, I want to put me feet up and enjoy reading other peoples.