BLOKES
 
 
Int. Evening . Pub. Full of Jeremy Clarkson type guys including the bar staff . Leather bomber jackets , blue jeans , cowboy boots and big hair .
Wide screen television is on above the bar . Jeremy Clarkson  is on . The sound is muted.
 
 
Bloke One
He's great , isn't he? Old Jeremy Clarkson?
It's good to see a regular...bloke on the old goggle box , isn't it ...mate?
 
Bloke Two
 
Just an average bloke like any of us who went to an average public school like any of us blokes here and despite that managed to turn himself - like us - into  a top bloke and a  testosterone charged fanny magnet .
 
Bloke One
 
A top bloke !
 
Bloke Two
 
A bloke's bloke!
 
 
 Bar Bloke
 
Two more pints...mates?
 
Bloke One
 
Now you're talking ...mate.
 
Bloke Two
 
Two foaming tankards of your finest ale , my good  man  . None of that Johnny Foreigner Irish muck , though .
 
Bloke One
 
Oi'd loike a point of your stout , Patrick !
 
Both Blokes
 
Not!
 
Bloke One
 
This is great this ...mate ? Isn't it ?
 
Bloke Two
 
The best... mate. No Welsh , Irish , Scottish , environmentalists , beardie-weirdies or any Johnny Foreigners to spoil things with their endless whinging and moaning .
 
 
Bloke One
 
Tell me about it... mate . Funny non-English accents and continually banging on about rainforests and polar bears . Not a decent bloke among them .
 
Bloke Two
 
All we need is some top totty to make this the perfect evening .
 
The door opens and two attractive young women walk in . They look about then at each other as the Blokes puff their chests out . They quickly leave .
 
Blokes
 
Lesbians!
 
Fades
 

Enjoyed it 'mate' but it seemed to come straight from Men Behaving Badly. Totty Blokes and Lesbians were their stock in trade.

Really liked the way they talked, and the awkwardness of their faux-commoner blokey lexis. Could really do with a punchline, though.

I thought it was read nicely but didn't really go anywhere - as Gappy says, it could do with building to a punch line.

Thank you all.I didn't even like Men Behaving Madly.I thought Is It Legal by the same guy was a lot better.

Liked the way it built, but as others have said, needs a stronger finish.

You've got a real eye for dialogue, mate - even though you're Scottish.

Hmmpf!At least I'm not in Spain.So there!Funnily enough it's like Spain here in Glasgow just now.Scorching and the guy across the road's Spanish.

really enjoyed this one - made a good comment and was very funny.
reads very well and the characters are well formed - could see it as a recurring sketch - like 'tim nice but dim' but more 'brash blokes in pubs'

It's decent banter, but is it an exert or is that it?

An excerpt, Teddy?I'll take the "decent banter" as a compliment.No ,it's a one off.I was just even more annoyed than usual at Clarkson's big stupid face so wrote this in a fit of pique.By the way,shouldn't it be Everton Nil-their full name?They're not exactly Celtic are they?Only banter honest.I know as much about football as I know about comedy writing.That's why I feel right at home on this forum.(Straight nick from Frankie Howerd.)

Anyone can be a Celt all you need is a bottle of leccy soup and a VO to see yar dar in the the bar.

I had two tickets for the final at Maine Road, we never got there so I put them up for sale and there was more Bears aboot than Yogi could get with three bags of chisel and a slut.
I had one offer me eight hundred but I wanted a bag of sand so I strung him along by email for three days, then said I make my mind up after I got back from mass, he hit the roof!

Really like this, wouldn't change a thing, presuming you're going for just a short, snappy sketch.

It's a bit obvious, has been done before.

The dialog is good. Why not try come up with a twist on the cliche that women who do t fancy you are all lesbians instead?

Thin, weak and tired. But enough about me...