V/O:
Are adverts really getting on your tits? Do you find the advertising standards authority a bunch of toothless oiks? Then what you need is the advert assassin.

TESTIMONIALS:

MAN:
I detest tacky adverts, especially ones where the voice over guy speaks incomprehensibly fast. I contacted the advert assassin and before you could say 'micro machines come in collections of five', he had put his boot through my telly. What a guy.

WOMAN:
If there is one advert that drives me nuts its 'we buy any car.com'. The music is bad enough but then they refused point-blank to buy a dodgem car I was flogging... c**ts. Anyway, the advert assassin got onto it and even though he didn't buy the dodgem, he consoled me, the smooth-talking studmuffin that he is. You rock out with your cock out advert assassin.

MAN:
L'oreal have a lot to answer for. My wife had been getting highfalutin ideas about her hair and beauty in general, so much so, that she was spending way too much on futile attempts to make herself beautiful. After I called the advert assassin, he murdered her just outside Superdrug, and in cold blood as well.. bonus. Big up the advert assassin.

V/O:
Are adverts making your life uncomfortable... Go to DFS, actually don't bother. The advert assassin burnt down their warehouse.

An Advertising Agency meeting.

Max : We need a great advert for this one Brian.

Brian : That's what me and the boys do Maxy. So what's the product?

Max : Adverts.

Brian: Yeap. But what we doing it for?

Max : Adverts.

Brian: We're doing an Advert for Adverts?

Max :Yeap.

Brian: Where is it going?

Max : The advertiser.

Brian : An Advert for adverts in the advertiser? F**k me.

Max: Can you handle it?

Brian : Of course we can. I see big, bold in your face stuff - "Get your advert in the advertiser." That sort of thing.

Max : No.

Brian: Okay then. Something more subtle. Little writing - "Get your advert in the advertiser!"

Max: No.

Brian : Fine, tits then. Get some bird with massive knockers with advert written on them.

Max picks up phone.

Max: Sue? Yeap Ring the advertiser. I've got a job advert to place.

End

Mike:
Hi Dave, You look a bit down! What's wrong?

Dave:
It's Friday night, and I wanted to get really drunk.

Mike:
Well what's stopping you?

Dave:
I just can't face the thought of drinking 10 or 12 pints of strong lager

Mike:
Why don't you try spirits instead mate.

Dave:
I would do mate, but Spirits always make me violent, and a little bit Rapey

Mike:
I know what you mean!

Dave:
If only there were a way of getting completely shit faced without the effort of having to drink anything

Mike:
Have you ever tried Alcopills!

Dave:
Alcopills?

Mike:
Yes Alcopills! it's Alcohol in the form of a pill.

Dave:
In the form of a pill you say?

Mike:
That's right, they come in three strengths 5 pints, 10 pints or Scotsman. And the great thing is that your breath doesn't even smell so they're perfect for that boring meeting, or stressful school run

Dave:
School run? Does that mean it's ok to drive when you take them.

Mike:
As long as you're a good driver & you remember the way then why not? And if you do happen to have an accident then nobody will ever be able to prove that you were drunk

Dave:
Wow! That sounds too good to be true, but do they actually work?

Mike:
Like a dream, I'm actually off my tits right now.

Dave:
I did wonder why you were pissing in the Wardrobe earlier

Mike:
That's Alcopills!

V/O: ALCOPILLS - The Pills to Pop when you don't touch a drop

Advertising Standards Authority
71 High Holborn
Mid City Place
London
WC1V 6QT

Dear Mrs Whitehouse

Thank you for your most recent complaint regarding an advertisement for 'Go Compare' car insurance broadcast on Channel 5 during an episode of Live from Studio 5. Your complaint has been scheduled to be considered by the Authority at their next monthly meeting. I have summarised the main points your 36 page letter:

- The word 'Go' is Hebrew for Stick it in
- 'Compare', when recorded in Yiddish and played backwards, sounds like vagina
- Large men with moustaches bring you out in hives
- You do not have any lucky stars to count

Whilst not wishing to prejudge the board's findings It may reassure you to know that chances of anybody else having seen the offending advertisement are extremely slim.

Yours sincerely

J. Marshall

My vote is for Mr Sunshine. Different class.

Badge for me but Steve Sunshine's is excellent too [but I'd have put stink instead of smell...LOL

I had been going to go with bushbaby, but STEVE SUNSHINE sneaked in with a late winner.

I liked Angie's but for me CRAIG H just pips it.

Sunshine.

Steve Sunshine.

The Sunshine was good but my vote is for the 80's inspired Timbo

Steve.

CRAIG H just pips Otterfox for me.

Liked Leevil's, Craig H and BushBaby's but it's got to be the Birthday Boy, Mr Sunshine.