Laura Lexx. Copyright: Karla Gowlett
Laura Lexx

Laura Lexx

  • English
  • Writer and stand-up comedian

Klopp Actually

By Laura Lexx

A hilarious diary of married life with the sensible, no-nonsense man of all our dreams: Jürgen Klopp, from critically-acclaimed comedian and Twitter sensation Laura Lexx.

Inspired by the viral tweet: 'If I ever met Jürgen Klopp I'd say "omg if we have a baby we should call it Klipp" just so he'd raise an eyebrow at me and tell me I'm a moron and I'd be so naked by the time he'd finished doing that...'

In these uncertain times we all need a coping mechanism. And Laura Lexx has found the obvious one - imagining life married to the sensible, no-nonsense man of our dreams, Jürgen Klopp. She thinks maybe he has something to do with football? More importantly, he definitely knows how to efficiently stack a dishwasher and would tell you honestly if you were being unreasonable about a colleague.

From job interviews to furniture shopping in IKEA to making a birthday cake for their daughter, Klipp, Klopp Actually is a hilarious, warm and deeply silly diary of life with everyone's favourite baseball-cap-wearing, bespectacled German football manager.

'I shiver, my skin breaking out into tiny goosebumps. "Are you cold?" He whispers, his lips brushing my ear, making the fine hairs ripple. "A little." I grin, pressing against his thigh. He runs a hand down the curve of my spine... "You should put a jumper on."'

First published: Thursday 3rd September 2020

The author's favourite chapter

Note: This video starts with no sound, but Laura soon turns the microphone on.

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