Helen Bauer

Written by: Si Hawkins
Published: Tuesday 20th February 2024

One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate.

This week it's a once Berlin-based talent who's about to take over Earth. Or rather, EartH (Evolutionary Arts, Hackney) - it's Helen Bauer, who rocks up at the epic East London hotspot on March 2 with her show Grand Supreme Darling Princess. It certainly looks an impressive event - how would she describe the show?

"Thank you, I hope it will be!" yelps the comic. Grand Supreme Darling Princess is, she says, "a chaotic ball of fun, it is my favourite show to do so far and I cannot wait to put it in such a big space. To describe it... hmmm. In many ways it is the classic mix of Disney Adults, Mother/Daughter Relationships and Dictators. Ya know, the norm."

Bauerful. Or Bauer half-full actually, as Helen is sharing the two-hour takeover with Olga Koch, who'll be doing her show Prawn Cocktail. Do the two stars have complimentary styles, or will they be secretly competing to win over EartH?

"Koch is my dream double," says Bauer. "We for sure share an audience. We've travelled a lot in the past year doing our solo shows and so many people would be seeing both of us it just made sense to split! Olga has such a magical show this year all about love and in many ways I am her perfect double as I am single Olga. I am the fridge to her horn."

Cool. Helen Bauer, your Random 8 await:

What was your childhood career dream?

I so wanted (and sort of still do) to work at a theme park. It was wild to me, growing up, how many adults would not want to go to a theme park every day.

I grew up close to Thorpe Park and would always look at the 'grown-ups' (they were all teenagers) working there and figured they had it made. My dad used to be a lawn-mower at Chessington and when I found that out I could not believe he had ever left that job behind!

Which unsung town or city should more people visit?

Fleet. It is my home town and so much more than a service station. We have two Costa's and a pond.

Who's the most interesting person you've ever met?

This is so hard, everyone is truly interesting if you ask them the right questions. I did go through the classic, 19 year-old, middle-class girl from Hampshire travel phase, backpacking around India alone and met some very interesting characters in hostels.

One thing I will say is a guy who wants to do reiki on everyone but has to 'touch' is not interesting, he is a creep!

Which live event would you most like to have attended?

The funeral of Princess Diana.

What's your favourite shop, ever?

TK Maxx. That should be everyone's answer forever and always. It has everything and nothing, you never will get anything you need but everything you have every wanted is there. 30 bath mats and purple salt? YES PLEASE.

Who are you most envious of?

So many people are so cool and so fun! I know you are supposed to love yourself but seriously no. That is so weird! How can I 'love' myself. I know myself too well, every weird thought I have ever had.

Right now at this moment it's probably Lena Dunham, she is so funny and is making another TV show that you know will just be AMAZING!

Also the girl in the Cafe Nero I am in who is also working on her laptop but smells so nice and despite it raining outside has no signs of rain on her or her stuff. She is magic.

Your favourite fact?

Oh my god, just panicked I was on some guy's dating profile. My personal favourite is that the Queen killed Princess Diana.

If you ask the men of London on Hinge, the most fascinating fact is 'Sean Connery turned down the role of Gandalf because he didn't understand the script.'

What can you recite from memory?

The Lord's Prayer. Sunday School stays with you for life.