One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate. This week our guest is the mighty Dina Martina, fresh - perhaps slightly fermented - from some of the most star-studded cabaret joints in the States, and now set to stun London and Brighton, in so many ways.

The mini UK tour began in Manchester on Saturday. Sub-Standards is the show. Could she give us a little flavour?

"Gosh, let's see... aside from 'song' and 'dance', there'll be lots of legroom, double-pane windows, black napkins, bespoke muffins, corn... it really just goes on and on."

That London run begins at the Soho Theatre tonight. Which does mean that Martina is in town for Valentine's Day - devastating for her suitors back home?

"Oh I haven't had a suitor for quite a while. My last one was named... well I forget his name, but his old college buddies called him Reacharound. He was an aspiring magician, so he was always doing his sleight-of-hand jobs all around the house."

That tricky chap dispatched then, how will she spend a romantic day in London?

"Not sure... is Body Worlds still open?"

Dina Martina, your Random 8 await.

Who was your childhood hero?

My grandmother, because of all the community service she did. She was an unsuccessful wet nurse her whole life, well into her 90's.

What's the most regrettable thing you've ever bought?

A pint of my grandmother's milk.

Who was your first celebrity crush - and ever met them?

Colonel Sanders, and although I never met him in person I meet him regularly in my dreams. We usually go to Subway.

Which TV show would you love to have been in, and which part?

There's a Baywatch episode where Pamela Anderson frees a sea lion that's trapped in a fishing net on the beach. I've often wondered if that episode was loosely inspired by my life, so I guess I'd say the sea lion from Baywatch.

What's the weirdest thing in your wardrobe?

I have a crotchless bra that's pretty weird.

Is there a book, movie or show that changed your life?

Weekend at Bernie's really opened my eyes to how good dead people look wearing sunglasses.

Ever met a particularly great or awful famous person?

I've never met an awful famous person, but the great person is Maya Angelou, who I met once at a platinum VIP event. It was during a really low point in my life, and when I asked her for some advice, she took me by the hands and looked deep into my eyes and said "Follow me", and then she headed for the door and I followed her. When we got outside, she said "I meant on Twitter".

Which town/city should be abolished?

The town of Florida and the city of Texas.