One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate.
You may well be all-too aware that this week the Edinburgh Fringe returns, with all its comic wonders, dramatic weirdness and ludicrous offstage rip-offs. So who better to talk to than a right couple of cowboys?
That's the title of the debut show by Crizards, hardy souls who are doing every single night of the Fringe in a steamy post-watershed slot (22.15 in George Square). Are these Crizards absolute edgelords?
"Crizards are the UK's lowest energy double act," one of the Crizards explains. "We also sing songs to keep it spicy. We're two old friends (Eddy Hare and Will Rowland) who do it to make each other laugh really."
So, why kick off with Cowboys, boys?
"We chose to do a show as cowboys partly as a nice contrast to our deadpan selves. It's fun to watch us struggle to put on a Western. Also we enjoy writing country songs. Once we bought the cowboy hats (six pounds, Amazon Prime) we were committed."
Get stetson, go? Crizards, your Random 8 await.
What was your favourite TV show, as a kid?
Will: This is a deep cut but I was really into Mio Mao, a 1970s Italian claymation show (I was a pretentious child - when I was two I refused to eat dinner except by candlelight). Mio Mao tells the tale of two cats who roll around together. Look at it on YouTube please.
Eddy: I had a Portuguese VHS of Thunderbirds that saw a lot of action - no idea what they were saying but I loved it.
When were you most embarrassed?
Will: When I was a child I was rolling about on the floor in a cafe (inspired by Mio Mao) having a laugh with my friends and my t-shirt rolled up to reveal my 12 year old belly. My friend's older sister, whom I somewhat fancied, pointed at my tummy and shouted 'what the hell is that!'. So began the legacy of shame.
Eddy: To be fair mine is exactly the same situation but I was 27.
What's your favourite fact?
Will: This is my ex-girlfriend's favourite fact which I'm passing off as my own, but to be fair she got to keep the duvet so I should get the fact: Salvador Dali designed the Chupa Chups lolly logo.
Eddy: A couple of years ago I found out that the longest living vertebrate is this shark that is 400 years old - can you imagine being alive for that long?? I had a phase of bringing that up in every conversation for a couple of months.
Ever met a surprisingly great or awful famous person?
Will: I've not really crossed paths with many celebs. I've shaken hands with David Blunkett. Surprisingly great handshake.
Eddy: I met Craig Coates (Big Brother 2005) when I was 12. Me and the boys heard he ran a salon in Norwich so we popped our heads in and said "Are you Craig from Big Brother?" he said yes and carried on snipping, lovely man.
What's the weirdest thing you ever saw?
Will: I feel like just walking to the bus stop in South London I'm confronted with multiple truly weird things on a daily basis, whether I like it or not. I wish London had a pause button.
Eddy: I saw a man put his head inside a pelican's head to impress a woman in St James' Park (she walked off). The pelican was really trying to chew his head, he was so lucky it didn't have teeth. I posted the photo on Instagram and people didn't believe I'd actually seen it happen. DM for pic.
Which place you've visited was the biggest anti-climax?
Will: Sistine chapel. Very crowded. Hardly enough space to eat my lunch. Spilt soup on my chinos.
Eddy: I went to see the bronze Bugs Bunny statue they erected in Leicester Square when Space Jam: A New Legacy came out. Half of him is submerged in soil and he's dead behind the eyes. If I were mayor he'd have been 10 feet tall and full of life.
Ever walked out of a film, before the end?
Will: Yes, but only as a result of irritable bowel syndrome which arguably isn't as badass.
Eddy: I have, but only to cover for my boy's IBS. Feigned outrage at Space Jam: A New Legacy to create a distraction.
What's the worst thing in your wardrobe?
Will: During lockdown I bought an incredibly expensive bright yellow tie-dye t-shirt with a mad font that says 'my mind is open now my brain is gone'. It exists in my drawer as an eternal reminder of poor money management.
Eddy: I have a t-shirt that came with a delivery of (cringe meal replacement product) Huel. On the front it says 'Huel' and on the label it says 'Once a Hueligan always a Hueligan'. It will never be worn outside my flat.