
Bennet Kavanagh

One random comedian, eight random questions; it's the ultimate test of funny person and fate. This week that funny person is keyboard wizard Bennet Kavanagh, who is about to make his full-length Edinburgh Fringe debut, with the show Crank up the Volume!! (to a Reasonable Volume).
As hinted in the title, the show is largely about a particular Jason Statham movie franchise. Or perhaps less than originally planned...
"I'm still working out the final details of the show, but from previews I'm shocked to learn that not everybody has seen Crank or even Crank 2: High Voltage," he says. "So I've had to tone down the Crank to only 80% of the show.
"Essentially, I talk about Crank and Crank 2: High Voltage a lot, but in a way that is still accessible to the small minority of people who've not seen either film."
Quite the high-wire balancing act - but Bennet has been aided in that endeavour by fellow keyboard wit Huge Davies, who knows a bit about channeling those skills into an hour.
"Huge has been great as a director," Kavanagh confirms. "I had some ideas in mind before we sat down and he was excellent at focusing in on what I really wanted to talk about - which it turns out was Crank and Crank 2: High Voltage. As a musical comedian, he also understands the right balance to strike between music and stand-up which not every director would have experience of.
"We also went to Alton Towers recently - not related to the show, although I did try and get some feedback as we went down Oblivion. I'm now expecting at least one theme park visit with every other director I work with."
Be warned, Scorsese/Spielberg/Snyder. But first, Bennet Kavanagh, your Random 8 await.

Who was your childhood hero, real or imaginary?
Early childhood it was Thomas the Tank Engine. I loved that guy so much. I was a strange lonely child and I would spend hours pushing Thomas and his friends around little wooden tracks - I remember putting my head on the tracks and seeing the train coming towards me, a habit that must have been incredibly concerning to my parents.
I'd spend hours watching the TV show, and to this day I think the revamp of the intro to the show is the greatest crime humanity has ever witnessed.
I was also a big reader of Anthony Horowitz books as I got older, so he was definitely a hero of mine. I got to meet him once at a book signing and he was really charming and funny.
I would also say a big hero later in my life was Jason Statham in the film Crank.

Which town or city should be abolished?
OK, as a straight white middle class male with a hairline like Matt Hancock's I've got to be extremely careful what I say here.
It would have to be Dover as I had one of the worst gigs in my life there. I was previewing material for a show in the corner of a cafe to four people, and one lady just would not be quiet for thirty minutes unless I answered her every heckle. Then afterwards she did the thing no audience member should do: she told me I was better when I went off-script. Still makes me furious thinking about it. Hence, Dover must suffer.
What's the best thing about Dover? The White Cliffs. But to see them, you don't have to be in Dover. And I would argue if the best part of your town involves you not being there, that's a red flag.
We should also abolish Los Angeles, as the criminals there make life incredibly difficult for Jason Statham in the film Crank.

What should be Britain's next national anthem?
Now I think of it, the Thomas the Tank Engine theme would be an incredible national anthem. It represents Britain's history with inventing the railways, the music goes all over the place (which matches the chaotic beauty of this island) and there's a real sense of momentum to it. Any country walking out at the Olympics to that would seem unstoppable and oddly daunting.
But barring that, I would have to say the soundtrack from the Jason Statham film Crank.
Your most interesting injury?
I was a liability as a child and twice cracked the back of my head open on a patio. It left me with a scar on the back of my head that looks like the Nike tick, which is very visible when my hair is short. If anyone from the Nike marketing team is reading this, I'm available for discussions.
There was another time when I woke up to find some surgeons working for the Triads had removed my heart and replaced it with a battery. Wait, sorry, that was Jason Statham in the film Crank 2: High Voltage.
Who's the most interesting person you've ever met?
It may be a cop-out to say, but genuinely it's my friends. I have a small group of close school friends who I hang out with a lot, and I really enjoy the unpredictability of what we'll discuss. I leave most pub sessions with tabs left open on my phone about the 1904 London Marathon or some obscure 80s fantasy film that was a box office flop or a new cover of a song I've not heard before.
I once also bumped into an LA-based cockney assassin called Chev Chelios. He didn't have time to stop and say anything, but I was interested by the fact he was riding a police motorbike wearing nothing but a hospital robe.
What's the weirdest thing you ever saw?
I once walked past a man on the street walking his pet ferret on a leash. I had so many unanswered questions. Where do you get leashes for ferret? How much walking do ferrets need? Why are you expecting no-one to stare? I've been told many people have them as pets, but not met anyone since that day who has.
I was once also walking through Chinatown and I saw a bald cockney man having sex with his girlfriend in front of everyone yelling 'I'm alive!'. Wish I could have known what was going on there.

Which film or show would you love to have been in (and which part)?
I'm a big Doctor Who fan, and I would love to be involved with the show. My dream would be to write an episode, but failing that turning up as an alien or villain would be amazing. They've had Simon Pegg, Frank Skinner and Lee Mack on it in the past, so it's the type of show that gets comedians on. And I don't want to be there as one of your 'I'm an alien but our biological make-up is similar to humans' villain. I want the prosthetics, the weird movements, the hissing, the whole lot.
And in terms of films? Nothing is coming to mind.
When were you most embarrassed?
I'll tend not to get embarrassed by things I should, and very embarrassed about things that are fine. I cringe with embarrassment about saying 'sorry' after ordering a pint or walking into someone because I was on my phone. But on the other hand, I feel no shame about the time I did a mime act as Ed Miliband, demanded a stage dive from the crowd then said 'electoral support' to silence.
But my most embarrassing moment has to be when I shot a gangster with a gun using the gangster's own amputated hand after saying 'wanna hold hands?'. But that's for another time...
Bennet Kavanagh: Crank up the Volume!! (to a Reasonable Volume) is at Underbelly Bristo Square at the Edinburgh Fringe, 30 July - 22 August. EdFringe.com
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