Is it just me or do you sometimes come up with what you think is a good and funny idea, only to not think it so clever later on?

This is my first attempt at a sketch on here and any comments, good or bad will be appreciated as I maybe have a lot to learn regarding techniques, formatting etc. as well as wanting to know if it's funny of course.

Anyway, here goes!

FADE IN:

INT. COURTROOM - DAY

A packed courtroom listens intently as the prosecution BARRISTER questions a PROSTITUTE giving evidence against the accused in the dock

BARRISTER
And what did the accused first say when he approached you?

PROSTITUTE
He asked me how much for a handjob

At which point two men in the public gallery stand up and shout out

TWO MEN
Oi oi

and start laughing and making wanker hand signals

The courtroom judge orders them to quieten down

JUDGE
(banging gavel)
I’ll have none of that loutish behaviour in court, now sit down and be quiet!

BARRISTER
So what happened after that?

PROSTITUTE
I told him how much so then he asked me how much for a blowjob

The two men start again, laughing and doing the tongue-poking-through-the-cheek, blowjob action, until the judge intervenes again to restore order.

JUDGE
(again banging gavel)
I’ve warned you before now silence!

After order has been restored

BARRISTER
And can you tell the court what happened just before the accused was arrested?

PROSTITUTE
He asked me how much for full sex and so I told him

TWO MEN
Go on my son

Shout the two men as they stand up laughing and do the hips thrusting motion and start high-fiving each other, until the judge has had enough and orders them to be removed from his courtroom.

At which point the two blokes say

TWO MEN
Alright pops, keep your wig on, we’re going anyway

And then they stand up, put on their police helmets and leave!

FADE OUT

Something I really wanted to happen as I was reading it was for the prostitute's descriptions of sex acts to get more and more elaborate and for the louts (who are just louts, not policemen) to have to go to ridiculous lengths to demonstrate them. The two louts could be all awkward and kak-handed trying to use a double-headed dildo, for example. There could also be costumes and other props.

That's just my idea, though, doesn't mean your's is wrong (plus, I don't know how mine would end whereas your's is tied-up neatly I think).

Thank you for your advice and comments and yes, I get what you mean and think your additional ideas have scope to play around with and that's the good thing about other people seeing what you put up, as quite often they can have their own ideas that either improve on the original, or act as the basis to come up with another joke but using the same situation.

I often have numerous ideas from the same theme and even jokingly considered in my mind's eye of having a skit in TV sketch show where after say two versions, have a spoof voiceover and phone number come up asking viewers to vote for their favourite and then have some sarcastic line about having gone over budget on the show and needing to recoup some money.

I also find that I tend to come up with an ending punch line and then try to work backwards in fleshing out the idea with dialogue and general scene set ups and even in its "finished" form, there is always room for improvement.

It also helps me to visualise things by imagining real performers playing the central characters in anything I write and in this case, I had in mind Mel Smith & Griff Rhys Jones. I also appreciate that it would have to be filmed and edited cleverly, so that you can't tell they are policeman until the very end, which would probably mean them having to be wearing just white shirts and black ties, so as not to show their uniforms.

Quote: ima_mazed @ February 25, 2007, 4:35 AM

I also find that I tend to come up with an ending punch line and then try to work backwards in fleshing out the idea with dialogue and general scene set ups and even in its "finished" form, there is always room for improvement.

View original

I envy you! I normally have a 'general concept' that makes me laugh then have to shoehorn this into a nice comfortable slip-on punchline (see my 'Sketch - newsagent' on the Critique forum for a reasonable example).

Quote: ima_mazed @ February 25, 2007, 4:35 AM

It also helps me to visualise things by imagining real performers playing the central characters in anything I write and in this case, I had in mind Mel Smith & Griff Rhys Jones.

View original

Completely agree, helps visualise. I did a whole pilot sitcom script (which is being mulled-over as we speak) and pasted pics from the internet at the top of the page. I found it really helped me in every way and the writing process flowed very easily (of course, the production company may well think it's shite!) Also, not just celebrities, but sometimes visualising mates in the scenarios can help too.

Ahaha thats really funny, policemen aren't slagged off nearly enough so i appreciate that

I suppose it's all on the theme of not being the normal behaviour or inappropriate behaviour from someone you least expect it from. There are so many ways you can use this theme and for so many types of people, such as the old/young scenario or male/female, gay/straight or even other professions like vicars or priests for example.

Seeing a priest dancing at a wedding could be funny under the right circumstance or I remember once being in a betting shop and two blokes who must have been in their late 60s started fighting which looked funny.......I was even tempted to ask the bookies if I could have a tenner on the youngest one to win?

i once had a fight with an old man in a pub in Teddington. That was inappropriate behaviour by everyone concerned. I was 26 at the time.