INT. HOSPITAL WARD – DAY

JIM SITS UP IN BED. HE HAS TWO ROBOTIC REPLACEMENT ARMS. BY HIS BEDSIDE, HIS WIFE ROSIE CRADLES THEIR BABY.

ROSIE:
How do they feel?

JIM:
They're really natural.

THEY LOOK MONSTROUS. ALSO, THE HANDS ARE DIFFERENT SIZES. AND COLOURS.

ROSIE:
And they do what you tell them to do?

JIM:
I'm telling you, they're good as new!

THE HANDS SPIN 360 DEGREE REVOLUTIONS.

JIM (CONT):
Now give us a hold.

ROSIE:
Of what?

JIM:
The baby!

ROSIE:
I don't think…

JIM:
…don't think what? It's not… because of my disability?

TEARS WELL IN HIS EYES.

ROSIE:
No! Of course not.

SHE THINKS ON IT A FEW SECONDS.

ROSIE (CONT):
Here, you can hold him.

PENSIVELY, SHE HANDS OVER THE TOT. JIM CRADLES THE BOY WITH HIS ROBOT ARMS.

JIM (CONT):
See – nothing to worry about.

HE LEANS OVER TO PICK UP A BABY BOTTLE. THE MECHANICAL FINGERS CLOSE AROUND IT AND HE CARRIES IT DELICATELY TO THE BABY'S LIPS.

JIM (CONT):
Magic!

THE HAND SUDDENLY SNAPS SHUT LIKE A VICE. THE BOTTLE SHATTERS AND MILK SQUIRTS EVERYWHERE. IT SPATTERS ON THE ARMS AND SHORTS SOME SERVOS. OUT OF CONTROL, JIM PUNCHES THE BABY THROUGH A WALL.

ROSIE:
Oh my God!

INT. HOUSE – DAY

JIM AND ROSIE ARE SAT WATCHING TV.

JIM:
Look honey, he's walking!

A LITTLE ROBOT BOY TOTTERS ACROSS THE CARPET.

JIM:
Good as new!

ROSIE SNIFFS AND FORCES A SMILE.

In one way found it sad - but I was in stitches! Very funny.

Yes, i like that a lot. reminded me a little of waverley films, which is obviously a postive. lots of opportunity for visual comedy - like the robot baby walking. one minor issue, a typo:

PENSIVELY, SHE HADS OVER THE TOT.

tut tut.

Quote: Rob0 @ August 20 2008, 4:05 PM BST

In one way found it sad - but I was in stitches! Very funny.

View original

Cheers, mate.

Quote: Griff @ August 20 2008, 4:05 PM BST

That is very funny. Worryingly so. I may arrange to have you killed if we both get through to Sitcom Trials.

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I don't think I'm much of a threat in that regard. I've read Dan Sweryt's entry though. He's the one you need to bump.

Quote: Nick Rivers @ August 20 2008, 4:08 PM BST

Yes, i like that a lot. reminded me a little of waverley films, which is obviously a postive. lots of opportunity for visual comedy - like the robot baby walking. one minor issue, a typo:

PENSIVELY, SHE HADS OVER THE TOT.

tut tut.

View original

Yeah, I was thinking of having the baby say something in a mechanised voice too.

I take the Waverly comment as a real compliment - they've done some great work.

I've corrected the spelling error too, you motherf**ker.

OMG. There's a typo in my comment informing you of your typo. how ironic is that, yeah?

i have massive man crush of waverley's output too. check out 'human giant' as well. they're right up your funny street.

Quote: Nick Rivers @ August 20 2008, 4:22 PM BST

OMG. There's a typo in my comment informing you of your typo. how ironic is that, yeah?

i have massive man crush of waverley's output too. check out 'human giant' as well. they're right up your funny street.

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I think you mean "on" waverley's output. Can you believe they knock out a film a week? The f**kers.

I've had Human Giant on DVD for ages, which in many ways makes me way cooler than you.

It reads so well on paper too - love all the details which build the scene and the way you portray the emotions.

Genius a superlative skit and wonderfully dark.

You could get away with out having the baby punched through the wall.

The setup is so convincing the reader/viewer will buy into it.

Quote: sootyj @ August 20 2008, 4:44 PM BST

You could get away with out having the baby punched through the wall.

The setup is so convincing the reader/viewer will buy into it.

View original

I did wonder that but then I just went for broke.

Oh, and thanks very much Rob and Griff.

That was funny. Sick, but funny.

I think you've got to have the baby death to add the delicious wickedness and generate shock laughs.

Maybe have the baby fly across the ward instead of through a wall. The production would be cheaper.

I agree with some posts above that it's so strong you could just have the robotic arm shorting, then you could have the arm waving around violently. The shouting and noise could happen as it fades out, ready for the next scene. Just an idea, as I can imagine the screen becoming dark so the viewer just hears the final panic, and confusion.

Either way, it'll work, depends on the budget I guess, and inferring what happens might go down better with some than explicitly showing the violence.

A mate of mine was designing a robotic arm this year. I must go and warn him of the dangers!

I like this. Very good indeed.

Quote: Rob0 @ August 21 2008, 1:20 AM BST

I agree with some posts above that it's so strong you could just have the robotic arm shorting, then you could have the arm waving around violently. The shouting and noise could happen as it fades out, ready for the next scene. Just an idea, as I can imagine the screen becoming dark so the viewer just hears the final panic, and confusion.

View original

I think you're probably right. I'll write a less graphic version for sure.

As Stephie King says in Danse Macabre show some one a 100 foot tall monster and they'll say"Thank God I thought it'd be a 1,000 foot tall,"

Tell them it's enormous and they'll think it's 10,000 foot tall.