Nearly finished now. Please have a look at this and tell me what you think.

SCENE 18: EXT. DAY OUTSIDE THE CHURCH.

BARRY IS HAVING A CIGARETTE; DEREK IS GETTING SOME FRESH AIR.
Derek:

If you don’t give those up I’ll be going to your funeral soon enough.

Barry:
At least I’ll be in that box for real. It pains me to think of me mate Ray in that coffin, with everyone laughin at him.

HE TAKES A SHARP PULL ON HIS CIGARETTE.

Derek:
I didn’t see anyone pointing at the coffin and laughing, Barry. I’d be quite offended if they did, as they thinks it’s me in –

DEREK IS CUT SHORT BECAUSE KELLY FRANCIS, DEREK’S MADE OVER EX, COMES THROUGH THE DOOR LOOKING MILDLY DISTRESSED, FUMBLING IN HER HANDBAG.

Barry:
Like a fag, love?

Kelly:
Love one, thanks.

DEREK STARTS TURNING HALF AWAY.
KELLY LIGHTS HER CIGARETTE. TO BARRY:

Kelly:
Who’s the shy boy with the piratey beard?

BARRY CHOKES ON HIS SMOKE.

Barry:
Oh, this is me mate, Der –

Derek:
RAY, at your service.

DEREK EXTENDS A HAND.

Kelly:
What you offering then?

SHE LAUGHS AND TOUCHES HIS BEARD. HE FLINCHES.

Kelly:
You’ll have to excuse me, I’m a bit emotional. I went out with Derek for a while. It ended badly.

Derek:
Oh, what happened?

Kelly:
Long story.

Derek:
No, we’re ok!

Kelly:
Oh. He wasn’t committed enough. Didn’t have enough time for me. Too busy with his work.

Derek:
That’s rubbish!

Kelly:
What?

Derek: It must have been rubbish..for you.

Kelly:
Well. Shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but he had this strange habit of sticking his teeth out when we were, you know...

BARRY STARTS LAUGHING RAUCOUSLY.

Derek:
You can’t say that –

Kelly:
Like Freddie Mercury

SHE MIMES FREDDIE MERCURY STRUTTING WITH HIS TEETH STUCK OUT. BARRY LAUGHS EVEN MORE.

Derek:
That’s it, I’m going back in.

Barry (to Kelly):
Ray’s still misses Freddie. Big Queen fan.

AS DEREK MOUNTS THE STEPS, KELLY SHOUTS, ‘WAIT!’ AND HE STUMBLES. SHE TRIES TO PREVENT HIM FROM FALLING BY GRABBING HIS BEARD. THE BEARD COMES LOOSE TO REVEAL HIS FACE. CLOSE UP OF KELLY LOOKING AT DEREK’S FACE; CUT TO CLOSE UP OF DEREK LOOKING AT KELLY.

CUT