A Perfect Day for Spicefish 4 - 15.5.24

F**king Hell! C**segnalazioni to Otterfox and APlate for wanking it. PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Meanwhilst..
2 - Otterfox, APlate

Next topic: Communications
Leg closed: 15.5.24
Runners are nowt...
Position Score Name
2 2 - Otterfox, APlate

SOCIAL STUDIES

PUB.
TOM and DICK.

TOM Y'know Dick...

DICK How dare you.

TOM Shut up. I meant, y'know, Dick, I wanted to get social.

DICK Well I think we know each other fairly well...

TOM Shut up, knob head. I meant I wanna get social with computers.

DICK People are better.

TOM Shut it, knob breath. I wanna set up a Bacefook account.

DICK What?

TOM Your account.

DICK How dare...

TOM Shut your knob face. I wanna Bacefook account...

DICK Oh f**k off.

TOM That's not very...

DICK You can't use Bacefook. It's for old people. The elderly. The drecrapid... It's all Twitter now.

TOM Ok, set me up a Twitter account.

DICK Can't do that, Granddad! It's all X now.

TOM What's the difference?

DICK (thinks) About nine letters.

TOM All right, set me up an X...

DICK Ooooooh, you copse! 'X account', he says! Might as well have 'I am a boring old bogey' tattooed across yer forehead... It's all about InstaGram these days.

TOM All right, set me...

DICK And where's yer other foot? The one NOT in the grave? 'InstaGram', my bottom. It's IG nowadays.

TOM All right, set me...

DICK Can't possibly do that, mate. You'd look well past it. Gotta use TikTok.

TOM Okay, fine. Can you please set me up with a TikTok account?

DICK Sure. Can you think of a stupid name, lower your attention span to three billiseconds and dance like a dick?

TOM Yes.

DICK Then here were go... (removes a massive computer from under the table)

FADE OUT...
FADE IN: Six months later.

DICK That's what I love about the socials. Speed...

TOM You're a genius.

DICK So, whaddaya wanna say on your page?

TOM (shrugs) Dunno.

JONES:Good morning, doctor.

DOC:Ah, Mr Jones, come in. Now, what seems to be the trouble?

JONES:I've just got this pain behind my left eye - like, it's like a headache, but it's kind of...more focused.

DOC:I see. And has it seemed as though your vision is affected?

JONES:No, I can still see fine, it just hurts.

DOC:And when did this seem to start?

JONES:I woke up with it on Tuesday.

DOC: So, it seems as though it's been going on for 5 days?

JONES:What do you mean - it *has* been going for five days.

DOC:You seem a little upset, Mr Jones.

JONES:I don't *seem* anything! I am it. Why don't you believe what I tell you?

DOC:Now Mr Jones, why don't you seem to calm down, and seem to sit back on what seems to be a chair?

JONES:What?

DOC:It appears that there's no point in what I shall refer to as "you" getting upset, which is how I perceive your current state, because it won't help, if anything will help, and if either of us exist in the first place.

JONES:I don't know what's going on.

DOC: Oh, sorry Mr apparent-Jones-so-far-as-I-can-tell-through-my-flawed-senses. I - if we agree for the nonce that there is an I - apologise, or at least I believe I do. My stance is that nothing can be proved (assuming there is such a thing as nothing and that we could prove that anything could be proved).

JONES:What?

DOC:When I - see previous codicil - was apparently studying at what I understood to be university, I won an argument by saying that the other person was wrong, because they couldn't prove that anything existed and that we weren't in the matrix. Or I think I did. So, since then I've just carried on doing the same thing all the time, because it worked so well, brackets none of those words I said might have any meaning brackets and I might not have said them.

JONES:And what about my headache?

DOC:What is a head? What is an ache? See, I win the argument.

JONES:I don't see how we were having an argument!

DOC:There you go, you're getting the hang of it...apparently. You have to admit, it's a good system, don't you think?

JONES:I refute it thus!

SFX:GREAT BIG OLD WILL SMITH-LEVEL SLAP IN THE FACE

DOC: Now that seemed harsh!

Both good. It seems I vote gappy!

Yet again, Gappy beat hordes of competition. Well done.

Michael, after long consideration