The end of a Cabinet meeting
BRAVERMAN
I can say that I'm looking into having the Good Friday Agreement rendered moot because it was signed on a Bank Holiday. That sounds plausible enough to give us a few weeks breathing space while people look it up
JOHNSON
Sounds like a plan, now Pritti please, tell me that we can get some sort of grip on the Channel fiasco?
PATEL
I'm looking at fencing off 200 square miles of the Welsh valleys so we can hold anyone seeking asylum out in the open , where we can see them and its dirt cheap!
JOHNSON
But what about Rwanda ?
PATEL
That's the great thing about it. All you have to do is your standard 'Oh No It's Bungling Boris' routine and say that you mixed up Rwanda with The Rhondda!
Ministers bang the table in agreement
PATEL
They'll be rolling in the aisles laughing and the Mail and the Sun will lap it up. Meanwhile we'll have every immigrant behind barbwire where they belong, and the ECHR won't be able to say a f**king word
JOHNSON
Brilliant, now Rishi inflation? What do we do there?
SUNAK
We will be publishing a table showing how it would be at 48% if Corbyn was in charge
JOHNSON
Well it looks like we've got everything in order . If anyone wants me I'll be in Kyiv, but don't tell the Northeners
