A man in tattered clothing and cuts all over his face is banging on the door of a darkened vicarage.
The lights then go on and the vicar comes to the door in his pyjamas.

MAN
Vicar, you have to help me, there's a poltergeist in my house.

VICAR
A poltergeist?

MAN
Yes my wife and kids are stuck to the ceiling and its killed both my Dobermans

VICAR
Killed your Dobermans?

MAN
Tore them to bits, I only managed to get out because it threw me through my front window.

VICAR
So do you want to use my phone or something?

MAN
No I need you to come round a fight it with your bible and crucifix.

VICAR
F**k that

The door closes the bolts go on and the vicarage lights go out.

Not sure this particularly goes anywhere, for me.

I think it might be more my humor than anything as it made me laugh because its what I'd say in the same spot. That said thanks for the read of it and I suspect you're right in that it's certainly not commercial grade comedy. On more for the album than the telly

I sort of like the idea of the cowardly vicar with the paltry tools of his trade facing down something that dangerous.
"We're going to need a bigger cross" was a line that popped into my head.

To be honest it reminds me more of the one that Rigsby got in to fight the Gray Lady, so much so I now feel like a fraud . I should steer clear of the classics.

With Keith Lemon as the vicar in Teddy's original sketch, it would get a BIG laugh, I'm sure.

Thanks for the read and as for Keith Lemon if he wants he can have it