British Comedy Guide

Monster Collection Uncut

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gappy

  • Monday 14th June 2021, 6:33pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,234 posts

I wrote a sketch for the latest skit comp in which someone argues with Kermit the Frog, and which involves a verse from an alternate version of Rainbow Connection, advertising a B-movie box set.

Well, I couldn't help myself, and wrote the whole song. It took about 12 seconds to decide the sketch didn't need it, but I'd thought I'd share it with you for posterity. All together now...

Why are there so many films about monsters, and how they endanger the earth?
Monsters are scary, but sometimes endearing, and some of them only cause mirth.
I saw this one about these giant space ants, and one about men grown from seeds.
Someday you'll find it, the Monster Collection, a set of 18 DVDs.

Is there a kraken, with tentacles waving, destroying the Golden Gate Bridge?
Or is there a thing from another world thawing, that you'd better keep in the fridge?
Would you like a pink blob out of a meteor, or a date with Deadly Bees?
There's Hollywood chills in The Monster Collection; plus Godzilla, in Japanese.

Watch out for mummies, transported from Egypt, that suddenly come back to life,
Or Frankenstein's monster, built from cadavers (and so are his son and his wife).
Would you like to cue up a winged serpent, or give a big hand to Fay Wray?
You'll find them all on The Monster Collection, also released on Blu Ray.

Some of them come in a Martian invasion, and some in just one ship, marooned.
Some of them rise from 20,000 fathoms, and some crawl from the Black Lagoon.
Are the dead walking because of the voodoo, or is it a spaceman's 9th plan?
One thing we learn from The Monster Collection, the only real monster is man,
Klaatu barada nikto!
One thing we learn from The Monster Collection, the only real monster is man.

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Lazzard

  • Saturday 19th June 2021, 1:16pm
  • Ludlow, England
  • 5,462 posts

Lovely work.
Some very satisfying rhymes in there.
Scans beautifully too.

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gappy

  • Saturday 19th June 2021, 3:05pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,234 posts

Thanks, Lazzard.

Deep down I knew I'd never use it all in the sketch, but it was such fun to write. Once I realised "klaatu barada nikto" fit that final refrain, I just had to write it all.

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Lazzard

  • Saturday 19th June 2021, 3:18pm [Edited]
  • Ludlow, England
  • 5,462 posts

Lyric writing is great fun .

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gappy

  • Saturday 19th June 2021, 3:23pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,234 posts

I agree. Coming up with a good feminine rhyme or a jaunty rhythm is really satisfying, probably more so than lots of dialogue.

Plus, I've discovered audiences *love* a song or poem in with the sketches, so there's good impetus to write them.

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Firkin

  • Monday 21st June 2021, 11:26am
  • United Kingdom
  • 1,217 posts

Love it gappy , particularly the ending.

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Teddy Paddalack

  • Monday 21st June 2021, 11:52am
  • Everton, England
  • 3,546 posts

I missed this on its first posting, its not bad at all almost melodic and full of insights.

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gappy

  • Monday 21st June 2021, 6:51pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,234 posts

Cheers, Teddy - though I can't take any credit for the melody, that's all Kermit's work ;)