British Comedy Guide

Lukulele - A Comedy Superhero Webseries

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Rupert Aspden

  • Tuesday 14th January 2020, 5:55pm
  • Southampton, England
  • 3 posts

Hi BCG community!

I have been reading these forums for many years but this is the first time I'm posting some of my own work! I've just started releasing my first webseries and I would love to know what you think!

I wrote the series which is the first of three intertwining comedy superhero series that I've created with two friends (the second is an animated series and the third an entirely different live action - I'm happy to give more info on these if anyone's interested!)

We have just started releasing, there are two episodes out with more to come every week. I would really appreciate it if anyone would be willing to watch the first two episodes and give me their feedback. I'd love to know your thoughts!

To add context the official tag line for the series is:

'An entitled YouTuber's ukulele tutorials are put on hold after a shocking incident is captured on a live stream. He must learn to adapt his life and his content before a vast digital audience with the help of his faithful cousin Simon. But internet trolls are the least of his worries...'

If you do lend me your attention for these episodes I will be eternally grateful and summon the mightiest of thank you's.

Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNmQthIkAM8&list=PLjpfDZ7G069y-2CCJFSyqFjNU9m9PgvHU&index=2

Thank you (this is just a regular thank you)

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Edward Picot

  • Sunday 26th January 2020, 3:10pm
  • Kent, England
  • 138 posts

This could develop into something interesting, but at the moment I think your problem is that you're not getting quickly enough to the real meat of your story, and the humour isn't laugh-out-loud funny enough to sustain the delay. I take the central premise to be 'nerdy guy who posts lame ukelele tutorials online gets unwittingly drawn into a sci-fi/spooky/extraterrestrial story (and is possibly unwittingly transformed into a comedy ukelele superhero)'. There's a high level of technical expertise being deployed here, but sometimes it's getting in the way - the intro at the beginning of the first episode seems to go on forever.

It could end up being good, but it needs editing.

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Rupert Aspden

  • Thursday 30th January 2020, 12:55am
  • Southampton, England
  • 3 posts

Hi Edward, thank you so much for taking a look and for your generous feedback! It's very much appreciated.

I'd like to give you some insight into the thinking behind some of the choices you've highlighted. We begin the series by setting up the ordinary world of Lukulele, a YouTube vlogger/ukulele tutor. The premise of the show is that this established vlogger's superhero origin story unfolds through his current content as opposed to him making vlogs about becoming a superhero (although that is what his content inevitably morphs into) after the incident has happened. We needed a reason for the camera to be on in the first place in order to capture the story. That reason is the ukulele tutorials. The audience is invited to watch as if they are witnessing the events unfold as they happen/happened.

So episode 1 is an example of his typical content and you're right, doesn't get us to the meat of the story. But it does set up this ordinary world and I believe lines the audience up to experience what is to come in a more exciting way.

We knew the danger of doing this, what with the notoriously short attention span of the internet! I'm sure we do lose some views because of it, but we wanted to make the story feel as organic as possible and believe those who do watch through are rewarded for it in the following episodes. Speaking of which, I'd love to know what you think of them! We are on episode 4 of 6, they are all in the playlist available in the link above. Let me know if what I'm saying bears out or if we failed (albeit spectacularly!)

Regarding the intro at the start... Lukulele is the first of three intertwining comedy superhero series (the second being an animated series and the third another live-action following a different character) so this sequence signifies our entry into this first world and at the start of the series only, not every episode thank fully!

Thanks again for taking time out to watch and share your thoughts, I hope you watch on and respond to continue the discussion!

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Edward Picot

  • Friday 31st January 2020, 8:08pm
  • Kent, England
  • 138 posts

Episode 4 - again, at least twice as long as it needs to be. The funny stuff is Lukelele heartlessly trying out his superpowers on Simon. The bit with Simon in the corridor hesitantly picking up the ukelele which Luke peeps round the door at him, and then getting blasted into the side-room - funny. The bit with Simon holding up a target and being blasted to the end of the field - funny. The bit with Simon floating face-down in the swimming-pool - very funny, especially the way it's left unresolved. But Simon needs to jerk more violently when he's electrocuted, rather than just fall to his knees and then face-down in the water. The stuff in the car - lose it. The bit where Luke tries to start the car - lose most of it, far too slow, the only good bit is where Luke discovers he's got lightning under his feet and suddenly shoots himself into the air. The question everyone will be asking is how come Simon is staggering around in a neck-brace etc. when Luke should have been at least as badly hurt via his flying experiments. Lose the whole bit on the roof - go straight to the gag with his shorts coming off, which is genuinely funny.

I understand what you're saying about wanting to set the scene and have the story emerge naturally into the YouTube videos, but you really do need to prune to the good gags and the proper story.