British Comedy Guide

hgsbkflk 30.3 - 7.4.19


Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 30th March 2019, 1:28pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,561 posts

Cold beans so c**tgratulations to GAPPY for wanking. PM me with a subject for next wank please. Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
2 - 10 - Gappy
1 - 5 - Patrick

Your next topic is BACKWARDS (suggested by Gappy).
Rules: One entry / vote per human being. Anywank can enter regardless of sexual preference, inside ball measurement or humidity of testes, except Matt Cardle because he has kissed my favourite Spice Girl.
Can be a sketch, one-liner, song, whatever the f**k you like, as long as 'tis humourous and in some way linked to the topic.
Edit as much as you wank till it closes, i.e. 7.4.19.

Scorebored is now:
Position- Points - name
1 - 30 - Gappy
2 - 10 - me
1 - 5 - Patrick

AvatarBCG Supporter


  • Tuesday 2nd April 2019, 3:00am [Edited]
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,918 posts


Twas the night before Brexit and all through the House,
All the MP's were arguing and Soubry was soused.
King Bercow was shouting "Orderrrrrrr!" from the chair,
As the MP's agreed," there'll be no agreeing here."

The nation exhausted, fell into their beds
While visions of the Maybot danced in their heads
"Just one more vote on my deal" she cried.
"I promise It's different and much better," she lied.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter.
Twas Osborne the twat, and Cameron who's twatter.
Both wanted to come back, but only to big jobs.
May said "try Stormy Daniels she's used to thick knobs."

"If Brexit's no Exit" May said, "then I'm not to blame!"
She stood at the dispatch box and called them by name.
"F**k Corbin! F**k Abbott! F**k Grayling and Hunt!
F**k Johnson! F**k Farage! F**k Rees Mogg, the c**t!"

Barnier was waiting, so May sent Davis to do all her talking
Roughly Equivalent in Boxing to Mike Tyson vs Steven Hawking.
First negotiating a deal and then asking MP's what they want in it.
Is like a football manager picking his team in the 89th minute.

But remember our good friends, Barnier, Juncker, Merkel and Tusk.
Have our best interests at heart, and in them we should trust.
It's true that they love us, or at least love the money we send.
So, they will make us keep voting till we get it right in the end.


Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 7th April 2019, 12:58pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,561 posts


REPORTER Hi listeners and welcome to 'Pop Goes The Weasel' - lucky old weasel.


REPORTER Now out here we're big fan of great pop music - Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Spice Girls... Only joking, Pink Floyd were shit. Anyway we're gonna discuss a lesser-known band you probably never heard of. The Beatles. And the issue of plagiarism regarding the Monkees.

I'm sorry to say but yes, the Beatles would not have existed without the Monkees. Notice incidentally the strange spelling of 'Beatles', echoing that of the superior group. Fact is, when John - what's his name? - and Paul McCarthy saw that sitcom, they immediately decided to create 'a Brit Monkees'. In fact, if you watch said shitcom and 'A Hard Dick's Night', you'll see that they used all the visuals from that bag of shite com. Indeed, the first Beatles single 'Paperback Writer' borrowed heavily from The Monkees' classic 'Last Train To C**tsville': What's-His-Name even used the same chord structure but in the same order.

Remember, The Beatles were not a band in the same sense as The Monkees, rather fuctional characters in a TV show. There were obvious parallels in characterisation, comedy and filming, but the four Beatles were contracted as actors not musicians, even though What's-His-Face and McCarthy had experience with musicians and Ringo Starr. Early shit was recorded using top session musicians and Ringo Starr, with vocals from the Beatles and Ringo Starr. No big deal there, no more so than realising that the Thunderbirds are not real people. (earphone) Sorry? I'll explain later... The problem came when Parlophone tried to imply the Beatles and Ringo Starr themselves were playing on the records. By this time the group had already started making live appearances where they did play their own instruments so they then insisted on making their own records. It's worth noting that the Monkees accepted friendship with the Beatles and not in the Facebook sense.

This is in no way denigrating What's-His-Thing, McCarthy, George Harrison Ford and the other one. Some of their stuff was good shit, especially 'Let It Be Me', 'Imagination' and the other one. But there was a desire to cash in on the success of The Monkees and in the words of Rory Bremner, imitation is the sincerest form of flattening.


Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 8th April 2019, 12:35pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,561 posts

Another knockout response. Playfullllllllllllllllllllllll.

AvatarBCG Supporter


  • Monday 8th April 2019, 1:35pm [Edited]
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,918 posts

Tough one this week but it has to be Mr Monkhouse - if only for the lesson in subjective time line analysis. This raises the question though, why is there no 'Bootleg Monkees'?