mongoose 6 - 14.3.19

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 6th March 2019, 5:06pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,915 posts

Cule jumping beans so c**tgratulations to GAPPY and ME for winkin'. PM me with a subject for next wank please. I will PM myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
1 - 10 - Gappy, me

Your next topic is FREEDOM.
Rules: One entry / vote per human being. Anywank can enter regardless of sexual preference, inside ball measurement or humidity of testes, except Matt Cardle because he has kissed my favourite Spice Girl.
Can be a sketch, one-liner, song, whatever the f**k you like, as long as 'tis humourous and in some way linked to the topic.
Edit as much as you wank till it closes, i.e. 14.3.19.

Scorebored is now:
Position- Points - name
1 - 10 - Gappy, me

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gappy

  • Sunday 10th March 2019, 8:54pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 1,999 posts

1: [SHOUT] They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!! [SPOKEN] I'm going to shout that. What do you reckon?

2: Not bad.

1: Not bad? Bloody stirring, more like!

2: Yeah, I guess. It's just...anyone with the power to take your life probably has the power to take your freedom. Did you not think of that?

1: Of course. I meant, if they kill one of us, then they can't imprison them. [SHOUT] If they take our lives, they may not take our freedom!! [SPOKEN] Yeah?

2: Well, they could take the freedom first, then the life. Then they will have done both.

1: Jesus. [SHOUT] If they take our lives, they may not *subsequently* take our freedom!! [SPOKEN] Happy?

2: Sort of. I mean, they're not going to be able to take all of our lives. I don't think it would be feasible, even with the best of intentions.

1: I mean, surely that's inherent in the - no, alright, alright. [SHOUT] If they take one of our lives, they may not subsequently take *that same person's* freedom!! [SPOKEN] OK, so are we ready to go?

2: Yes. Or, perhaps no.

1: What is it now?

2: It's just "may". It sounds as though it's a question of permission. When it's not. It's a question of logic.

1: So you've amply demonstrated. This is the last time, then...[SHOUT] Should they take the lives of one of us, then they won't, ipso facto, be able to take the freedom from that same person!

2: Afterwards.

1: Afterwards! Obviously, afterwards!!

3: You alright, lads? Ready to go?

2: Yeah. We've just been honing the speech. Go on, tell it to Stuart.

1: [SIGH] Really?

3: I'd love to hear it. Go on, be a mate.

1: Fine. [SHOUTED, VERY QUICKLY] Should they take the lives of one of us, then they won't, ipso facto, be able to take the freedom from that same person!

2: [QUIETLY] When?

1: Afterwards! I was just about to say "afterwards". Give me a second to breathe.

2: You'd forgotten. You'd forgotten to say "afterwards".

1: I had not forgotten!

2: Well, mind you don't, when it matters. Shall I write it down?

1: No! It won't be stirring if I have to read it off a napkin. Tell him, Stuart.

3: Aye, he's right about that. It would be better shouted without notes. It would also, perhaps, be better, if it didn't sound like that bit from Braveheart.

2: Yeah, I was getting round to that point.

1: Oh, what? You're right, as well. I'd best think of a new shouty bit.

2: Yeah. Or, we could just pay the parking fine, and then we wouldn't need to go to court at all.

3: I prefer that option, it has to be said.

1: OK, give them a ring, we'll stay home and I'll pay the fine. It's probably easier, then we can relax all afternoon.

3: Exactly. After all, that's what St Crispin's Day is all about.

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Patrick Robinson

  • Monday 11th March 2019, 10:58pm
  • Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

Voltaire once wrote: "It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere". More fool him though: see his typing error at the end? It should read: "It is difficult to free fools from the chains they leave here". Bloody idiot.

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gappy

  • Friday 15th March 2019, 10:45am
  • Oxford, England
  • 1,999 posts

A comp with no Monkhouse entry? I hope the Fuhrer of Filth is OK...otherwise, who will snigger at my use of the word "entry"?

Anyway, voting Patrick, inevitably.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 15th March 2019, 7:37pm [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,915 posts

I spent all week at the hairdresser's. I'm totally lacquered.
Vote for Gappy.
I have to go all week without making any childish innuendos. It's long and hard, but I'll pull it off.

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Patrick Robinson

  • Saturday 16th March 2019, 12:00am
  • Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

Voting for Gappy. Or a vote to delay this for a year.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 17th March 2019, 4:35pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,915 posts

Shall we knock this on the proverbial head, at least for now? Apart from Gappy and me and occasionally Patrick... Compare for example https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/17017/
Plus I'm doing at least two Open Mics per wank, alongside Angelic family, (b) work and (c) absolutley no talent.,

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gappy

  • Sunday 17th March 2019, 7:24pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 1,999 posts

I'd be sad to see it go, but God knows nobody seems interested in playing any more, so I'd understand if you felt it was more effort than it's worth, Michael. If this is the end, thanks a million for your efforts in doing the admin *applaud*

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Patrick Robinson

  • Sunday 17th March 2019, 10:38pm
  • Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

(My "vote to delay this for a year" was a reference to current Brexit nonsense rather than a suggestion to fold the forum). My limited writing time was taken up not getting anything onto Newsjack recently. That's finished until September now. Would miss the forum if it went, hope it keeps going myself . Cheers for running it Michael.

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gappy

  • Monday 18th March 2019, 7:53am
  • Oxford, England
  • 1,999 posts

It's only this comp Michael's suggesting putting on ice, not the whole forum (Michael doesn't have that sort of power, thank Christ ;) )

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 18th March 2019, 6:33pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,915 posts

I'm happy to keep it up (as I told my dad) but it's no fun playimg with yourself (as I also...).