British Comedy Guide

Newsjack Sketch Reject - Olympic Diplomacy

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DeathbyMonkey

  • Thursday 15th February 2018, 7:31pm
  • England
  • 708 posts

I'll be honest I'm pretty gutted that I didn't even get close this week, I'm pretty sure this was some of my best stuff and probably even better than some of the stuff I've submitted in the past that actually made the show.

Anyway so that it doesn't feel like it's going to wast I thought I'd share it here:

Olympic Diplomacy

ANGELA: The Winter Olympics have helped thaw the frosty relationship between North and South Korea; the two countries united during the opening ceremony and Kim Jong Un even sent his sister to deliver a handwritten invitation to President Moon. This can only mean one of two things, either Kim Jong Un is ready to open negotiations again, or his computer is playing up and he's too cheap to buy a stamp. With the Winter Olympics proving more successful than UN sanctions perhaps the IOC should make international diplomacy an Olympic sport...

ATMOS: WINTER OLYMPICS

FX: BACKGROUND CROWD CHEERING

CLARE: Hello, I'm Clare Balding and I'm joined by Hazel Irvine and Radzi Chinyanganya. Welcome to the Winter Olympics, or as I like to call it, the live action remake of Cool Runnings.

HAZEL: The games have started tremendously so far, we've already seen the Alpine skiing, the figure skating, the other skiing, the third type of skiing and the other four types of ice skating. What a wonderfully diverse sporting event this has been.

RADZI: This year the IOC has introduced a new sport, International Diplomacy and though the athletes don't compete on ice but they do have to face some very cold shoulders.

FX: GUN BANG

RADZI: And they're off!

CLARE: The athletes must first navigate through the hundred-metre obstacle course. Wow the German ambassador is straight off the line and has already managed to negotiate her way out of a tricky Donald Trump handshake.

HAZEL: Now they're just approaching the sand trap, I mean the sad trap and... yes they've all avoided talking to Theresa May, that's very well done!

FX: WATER SPLASH

RADZI: Oh no the Greek ambassador is drowning... in Justin Trudeau's cool blue eyes, they will definitely lose points for that.

FX: CUT TO SEMI-FINALS

CLARE: Next up is the marathon, eight course dinner. This event is held quite close to the other tracks so the athletes will need to avoid the hurling, most of the ambassadors can't handle the rich food and forty bottles of Bordeaux.

HAZEL: Oh no the Greek ambassador has fallen into his soufflé au fromage. I would say he's out of the running, but that is a very soft brie.

FX: CUT TO FINALS

ATMOS: TENSE QUIET STADIUM

CLARE: We're now down to the final, and it's just South Korea competing against the United States.

RADZI: They're sitting down to the negotiation table and... that's a wonderful pass of the pen, really tremendous action there.

FX: IMPRESSED CHEER AND APPLAUSE

CLARE: And I think that's it, yes that's it, that's war. Very well done by the United States, they've ended this Winter Olympics with a bang.

RADZI: Or are just about to.

FX: BOMBS DROPPING AND EXPLOSIONS

HAZEL: Well good news for South Korea is at least they can save money on the fireworks.

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Paul Wimsett

  • Thursday 15th February 2018, 9:26pm
  • Folkestone, United Kingdom
  • 3,382 posts

I think the problem with this DBM is that isn't especially topical to this week. It's a bit general about the Winter Olympics and Brexit really.

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Yacob Wingnut

  • Friday 16th February 2018, 9:18am
  • England
  • 705 posts

I thought it was good. Very Newsjacky as well.

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spibbles

  • Thursday 22nd February 2018, 8:53am
  • United Kingdom
  • 3 posts

god dammit I have only just seen this but I sent in something kinda similar for this week :/ yeah I guess since the Olympics go on for a while they become less topical, unfortunately... What kind of stuff did you send that they bought?