British Comedy Guide

3 HANDER. OPENING TIME.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Saturday 10th February 2018, 8:29pm
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,495 posts

3 hander. An empty street outside the pub. Night. Could be radio or visual, recorded or 'live'. Or more probably remain 'in my bottom drawer'...

OPENING TIME

Narrator:
I'll just put this in.. Is it open yet? The pub silly... What do you mean, you never did this before, and you're asking me to grip you tight with my thighs, well.. I know it's an old jo.. oh, wait a minute, landlord's about to open.. "There seemed to be a howling wind blowing somewhere, is it coming from inside the pub? A cat screeched at two boys on bicycles and a running man stopped abruptly at the pub door, totally oblivious to the forces within.."

Man:
Phew, I can't wait to get a pint down me..

Narrator:
The man looks to camera, nods, winks then enters the pub and is immediately drenched in a deluge of stale beer... and by a howling wind, to boot.

Man:
Well, landlord do all your 'gusts' treat your guests in this manner? ..but either way, I could do with another pint..

Narrator:
And the author of this play, he's standing stage left, has just stated that he is in fact, '..saying nothing..' This might mean he has nothing to say, or that he has plenty to say, but isn't saying any of it.

Man:
Erm, and my pint?

Narrator:
And mine?

Landlord:
And mine?

Narrator:
At this point we really need more from the author but as stated, he is '..saying nothing..'

END

Laughing out loud

well, at some point writing this, I must have laughed.. ? Teary