British Comedy Guide



Richard Ousey

  • Wednesday 22nd November 2017, 1:38pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 14 posts

Chancellor Philip Hammond is widely expected to announce a new tax on slow walkers in today's budget. A leaked memo indicates a 1% hike on NI will be announced for 'street malingerers' alongside on the spot fines of £50 for 'stopper blockers'.

The move is expected to enhance productivity and public health, reduce stress and generate significant income for the embattled Chancellor.

"If correctly applied, the revenue generation potential from just a single Saturday at the Trafford Centre or Bluewater could run to the many millions" said a Treasury source

The new tax will not apply to the elderly, infirm and star-crossed lovers.