British Comedy Guide

Skitcomp 19 - 27.5.17

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 19th May 2017, 1:43pm [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 2854 posts

Cool has-beans so congratulations to CRINDY for wanking. Your prize is to PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
3 - 10 - Crindy
2 - 5 - Gappy

Your next subject is GOING TO MARKET (chosen by GAPPY).
Rules:
One entry/vote per person. Anyone can enter regardless of colour, sexual preferences or inside leg measurement, except Italo-US mongeese.
Can be a sketch, joke, lyric or anything else as long as it's yours and vaguely linked to the topic. Please try to post just your entry/vote.
You can edit your entry as much as you want, up until the closing time.

Competition closes: 27.5.17

Scoreboard is now:
Position - Points - Name
1 - 50 - Gappy
2 - 35 - Playfull
3 - 25 - Patrick
4 - 10 - Crindy, me

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gappy

  • Friday 19th May 2017, 4:09pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 1832 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 19th May 2017, 1:43 PM

Cool has-beans so congratulations to GAPPY and CRINDY for wanking. Your prize is to PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
2 - 10 - Gappy, Crindy

I think Crindy actually beat me 3-2 :)

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 22nd May 2017, 7:21pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 2854 posts
Quote: gappy @ 19th May 2017, 4:09 PM

I think Crindy actually beat me 3-2 :)

In the words of my mother, are you entering that?

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gappy

  • Wednesday 24th May 2017, 9:09pm [Edited]
  • Oxford, England
  • 1832 posts

STEVE: Hi, mum!

MUM: Son? You're back early. You been to the market already?

STEVE: Yep. Well, no, I went sort of near the market. But I made the sale anyway, and this way, we have more time to enjoy our profits.

MUM: Good lad. What did you get?

STEVE: Look outside the window, mum.

MUM: Steve. That's a cow.

STEVE: Yep. A whole cow. Pretty good deal.

MUM: No it wasn't. Not as an exchange for some magic beans.

STEVE: There were only about 5 beans.

MUM: They're magic beans! Those beans are literally magic! They've got magical powers, they're beans that are magic and can do magic. [BEAT] Magic beans!

STEVE: I suppose when you say it like that...

MUM: And what will we get? A bit of milk of a morning?

STEVE: Ah, no. The guy I swapped with said the cow didn't milk anymore, and that's why he was taking it to market.

MUM: Jesus, son! So, you swapped some beans, with the power of magic, for a cow, that doesn't even have the power of a cow.

STEVE: It can moo.

MUM: Can it?

STEVE: Well, to be fair, I've got no evidence of that, I'm just assuming.

MUM: I can't believe it! Somewhere, there's a guy who's got some magic beans in exchange for a dying cow! What a deal. He'll probably be coming in to his mum now, and he'll be welcomed back, lavished with love and respect, and sent to bed with twice as much supper.

STEVE: What does that mean?

MUM: I don't know, it felt like the logical thing to say. But, what the hell are we going to do?

STEVE: Err...we could get some more magic beans off the giant magic beanstalk we have, and sell them.

MUM: Yeah, I suppose that would work. Or, you could climb up the beanstalk to see whether there are any rich but sleepy monsters living at the top.

STEVE: Mum, there's magic and there's mental.

MUM: Fair do's, son. [BEAT] Oop, I think the cow's dead.

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comedywriter dude

  • Saturday 27th May 2017, 10:01am
  • Australia
  • 59 posts

this is not funny its a game

monkhouse try the extended version of take a selfie with the stick

theres a song that goes with it

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Patrick Robinson

  • Saturday 27th May 2017, 11:56am
  • Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • 37 posts

I had planned to write loads of jokes about going to the market but kept stalling.

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gappy

  • Sunday 28th May 2017, 9:03pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 1832 posts

Patrick, nice pun. I can;t work out whether CWD's post was an entry or a criticism, it doesn't seem to make any sense either way.

Is this the first time ever Captain Michael has not entered a comp? if so, vast apologies for picking an apparently tough theme.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 29th May 2017, 7:00pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 2854 posts

Gappy.
PS Which shopping space is good with exams? Mark-it.
Which singer is good with exams? Mark-King.

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Patrick Robinson

  • Tuesday 30th May 2017, 8:44am
  • Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • 37 posts

Gappy gets my vote: "Mum, there's magic and there's mental" my favourite line.

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playfull

  • Tuesday 30th May 2017, 3:45pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1284 posts

Gappy. Nice little skit and i could see this in a Panto as one of those double headers in front of the curtain during a set change.

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