STEVE: Hi, mum!
MUM: Son? You're back early. You been to the market already?
STEVE: Yep. Well, no, I went sort of near the market. But I made the sale anyway, and this way, we have more time to enjoy our profits.
MUM: Good lad. What did you get?
STEVE: Look outside the window, mum.
MUM: Steve. That's a cow.
STEVE: Yep. A whole cow. Pretty good deal.
MUM: No it wasn't. Not as an exchange for some magic beans.
STEVE: There were only about 5 beans.
MUM: They're magic beans! Those beans are literally magic! They've got magical powers, they're beans that are magic and can do magic. [BEAT] Magic beans!
STEVE: I suppose when you say it like that...
MUM: And what will we get? A bit of milk of a morning?
STEVE: Ah, no. The guy I swapped with said the cow didn't milk anymore, and that's why he was taking it to market.
MUM: Jesus, son! So, you swapped some beans, with the power of magic, for a cow, that doesn't even have the power of a cow.
STEVE: It can moo.
MUM: Can it?
STEVE: Well, to be fair, I've got no evidence of that, I'm just assuming.
MUM: I can't believe it! Somewhere, there's a guy who's got some magic beans in exchange for a dying cow! What a deal. He'll probably be coming in to his mum now, and he'll be welcomed back, lavished with love and respect, and sent to bed with twice as much supper.
STEVE: What does that mean?
MUM: I don't know, it felt like the logical thing to say. But, what the hell are we going to do?
STEVE: Err...we could get some more magic beans off the giant magic beanstalk we have, and sell them.
MUM: Yeah, I suppose that would work. Or, you could climb up the beanstalk to see whether there are any rich but sleepy monsters living at the top.
STEVE: Mum, there's magic and there's mental.
MUM: Fair do's, son. [BEAT] Oop, I think the cow's dead.