British Comedy Guide

One of my (many) Newsjack rejections

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Travelling Lemon

  • Thursday 9th March 2017, 1:25pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 1 posts

Hello everyone. With so many brave souls posting their unsuccessful Newsjack attempts for all to see, it seemed like a good time for me to do the same. I sent at least one sketch in every week for the series that's just ended, but never managed to get anything on the show. Although in week two I received one of the "nearly but not quite" emails....but from then on it was all quiet. I've never had any feedback from anyone other than people I know and I'm interested in getting other people's take on my scribblings, so I won't try to explain what I've written too much beforehand. Except to say, it's a sketch I sent in for the last week of the show after the Stoke and Copeland by-elections. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now.? Cheers, Dan.

MUTINY ON THE BY - ELECTION

1. ANGELA: Jeremy Corbyn has come in for more flack this week after Labour lost
the Copeland by-election. In the aftermath everyone seemed to get
the blame except Jeremy. The establishment, careless Labour voters,
maybe some of the pencils were too short to reach the ballot papers
who knows? Tom Watson then gave Corbyn the dreaded vote of
confidence, which if you're a football fan, usually means he'll be out
within the week. Either way the sharks are circling for Jeremy.

2. GRAMS: OCEAN ATMOS AND RIGGING NOISES

3. D.ABBOTT: Captain Corbyn? We'll soon be landing in Copeland Harbour sir.

4. J.CORBYN: Very good, 'suspiciously womanly' seaman Abbott.

5. D.ABBOTT: You're sure that Copeland is the best choice of dock Captain?

6. J.CORBYN: I'm sure. They love us in Copeland. Listen, you can hear them on the
shore...

7. FX: LOTS OF BOOING AND JEERING

8. J.CORBYN: You see? I'm Mr popularity.

9. D.ABBOTT: Aye Aye Captain! (TALKING UNDER HER BREATH) I love you!

10. T.WATSON: Captain Corbyn sir, I must speak. The officers are revolting!

11. J.CORBYN: That joke's far too old Mr Watson.

12. T.WATSON: Just bringing the humour in line with party policies Captain.

13. J.CORBYN: This is mutiny Mr Watson! I'll see an ineffectual online petition started
against you for this days work!

14. T.WATSON: We already voted on your leadership Captain. But...you won. So we
had another...and you won again. But next time you're definitely toast!

15. J.CORBYN: And did you vote, 'obviously wearing a fake beard' seaman Abbott?

16. D.ABBOTT: No Captain. I came down with a surprise bout of the scurvy.

17. T.WATSON: In the end we decided "sod the votes, we'll make him walk the plank!"

18. J.CORBYN: But the people love me! They're still there on the shore, listen....

19. FX: LOTS MORE BOOING AND JEERING

20. J.CORBYN: Will the adulation never end?! Right Mr Watson, time you took a dip!

21. FX: LARGE SPLASH

22. D.ABBOTT: Captain! What are you doing?!

23. J.CORBYN: Simple 'unusually clingy' seaman Abbott. It's called 'uniting the party'.

END

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Godot Taxis

  • Friday 10th March 2017, 8:46pm
  • England
  • 5,243 posts

Lots of problems. Not funny, not accurate - Labour's policies are not perceived as 'old'. Characters all sound the same. Ship theme makes no sense and is wasted...