British Comedy Guide

Skit Comp 13- 21.11.16

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 13th November 2016, 8:54am [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,704 posts

Cool has-beans so congratulations to OTTERFOX for winking. Your prize is to PM me with a subject for next wank please. I am generous.

Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
3 - 10 - Otterfox
1 - 5 - Gappy
Speckled mention: Mighty Joe, SSTT, me

Your next subject is DETECTIVES (chosen by Gappy).
Rules:
One entry/vote per person. Anyone can enter regardless of colour, sexual preferences or inside leg measurement, except Italo-US mongeese.
Can be a sketch, joke, lyric or anything else as long as it's yours and vaguely linked to the topic. Please try to post just your entry/vote.
You can edit your entry as much as you want, up until the closing time.

Competition closes: 21.11.16

Scoreboard is now:
Position - Points - Name
1 - 15 - Gappy
2 - 10 - Otterfox
3 - 5 - Frankie Rage

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gappy

  • Sunday 13th November 2016, 4:55pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,019 posts

[MAN standing looking at a blank wall in a generic flat. Suddenly, inspiration strikes him. Montage of him tacking images to the wall - faces, photos of streets, newspaper clippings, maps, etc - and scribbling on them. Strings connect different sections, the whole Sherlock bit. Cut to him standing back, surveying it all. Enter WOMAN]

WOMAN: No, I think I prefer magnolia

[MAN dejectedly starts pulling it all down]

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Monday 14th November 2016, 11:15am [Edited]
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,495 posts

INT. LIVING ROOM. SIGN ON WALL 'ACME DETECTIVE AGENCY'.

DANNY:
Are you sure clients are just going to come and knock on our front door. We haven't advertised..

MART:
Don't need to, they'll come - you've seen it in every Sherlock movie. We just sit here ruminating and they turn up.

DANNY:
Mmm..

MART PUTS ON A DEERSTALKER AND STARTS PLAYING A MOUTH ORGAN THEN STOPS.

MART:
You'll see, the next time I stop there'll be a knock at the door!

MART STARTS UP AGAIN, THEN STOPS. THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. MART GIVES DANNY A KNOWING LOOK AND NODS TO THE DOOR. DANNY OPENS UP.

MAN:
Good morning, I'm from the Johavah's Witnesses ..and I want to help you find Jesus..

MART GIVES DANNY A SELF-SATISFIED LOOK.

MART: You're in exactly the right place mate, come on in..

CUT TO A CLOCK SWEEPING SHOWING SEVERAL HOURS HAVE PASSED. ALL THREE NOW HAVE JACKETS OFF, SLEEVES ROLLED UP, ETC AND ARE SAT AROUND A TABLE COVERED IN NOTES.

MART: So you're saying he's not lost because you've found him? But you still want us to find him... I dunno..

MAN:
Just open your heart and you'll find him..

MART:
Oh, it's open.. it's open.. but.. Danny, don't just sit there, you ask a question.

DANNY:
Er.. well, you mentioned loaves and fishes, so does he work in a chip shop or Gregg's maybe?

MAN:
No, definitely not!

MART: Well, that's us stumped then..

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 15th November 2016, 9:21am [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,704 posts

Don't you think if you were gonna murder someone, you'd do it when Miss Marple wasn't visiting? At least wait for her to f**k off first. Presumably you've been preparing this for months, what difference is another day?

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gappy

  • Tuesday 22nd November 2016, 8:34am [Edited]
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,019 posts

Michael's observation is good, but Frankie gets my vote.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Tuesday 22nd November 2016, 3:05pm
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,495 posts

Well, excellent entries both.

I had to toss... but you don't need to know that.

Now back to the skits, I'll go with MIKE.