[HOST SKIPS DOWN SOME STAIRS IN FRONT OF A BIG VIDEO SCREEN AND STANDS BETWEEN TWO PODIUMS. A MAN IS BEHIND ONE PODIUM AND A WOMAN BEHIND THE OTHER]
Hello and welcome to another exciting epsiode of Sing a song of Sixpence, today we have a new challenger, Cliff from Nuneaton is hoping to unseat the reigning champion, Sandra from Guildford.
[HOST WALKS OVER TO THE PODIUM WITH THE MAN CLIFF STANDING BEHIND IT]
Hello Cliff, here's your lucky penny,
[HOST HANDS CLIFF AN OVERSIZED 1p COIN]
HOST: You have six questions to increase this to Sixpence, you can gamble as much or as little as you like on each question, and split your coins between answers if you're unsure. In a moment we will reveal your categories, what are you hoping to see on the board.
CLIFF: Well I'm a massive sports fan, so sport would be good.
HOST: Well let's see what we've got for you.
[THE BOARD LIGHTS UP AND A VARIETY OF SUBJECTS FLASH RAPIDLY ON THE SCREEN, EVENTUALLY THE FLASHING SLOWS REVEALING THREE CATEGORIES, ONE OF WHICH IS SPORT]
HOST: Well sport is there, are you going to go for it?
CLIFF: Yes I am.
HOST: Good man, lets reveal the questions and four possible answers.
[THE BOARD FLASHES AGAIN AND THE FOLLOWING QUESTION IS REVEALED:
Who won the 1966 Football World Cup Final:
C: Stoke City
D: A Pereguine Falcon
[THE HOST REPEATS THE QUESTION]
HOST: So Cliff, any ideas?
CLIFF: Yes, it's England!
[CLIFF PLACES THE OVERSIZED PENNY IN THE "A" SLOT ON HIS PODIUM]
[A VOICE CUTS IN FROM OFF-SCREEN]
[DIRECTOR STRIDES ONTO STAGE]
DIRECTOR: Cliff, remember what we discussed in rehearsal, Don't just give your answer, explain your thinking. We've got half an hour to fill and only a dozen questions. Go through each answer and explain why you're rejecting or choosing that answer.
CLIFF: Oh yes I forgot, sorry.
[DIRECTOR WALKS AWAY AND HOST REPEATS THE QUESTION AGAIN]
CLIFF: Well a pereguine falcon is a bird of prey, so it's not that one. Stoke City are a football team, but only national teams compete in the world cup. Germany were in the final that year but they were beaten by England. The answer is England.
[DIRECTOR STRIDES OVER AGAIN]
DIRECTOR: Better, much better, but I need you to seriously consider each answer, pretend you are thinking of choosing each one. Pad it out a little, don't immediately dismiss the wrong ones. Build some tension.
CLIFF: It's an easy question, I'll sound like a knob.
DIRECTOR: No, no, no, it'll sound perfectly natural, trust me.
[DIRECTOR STRIDES AWAY AND HOST REPEATS THE QUESTION FOR A THIRD TIME]
CLIFF: Well... A Peregrine Falcon is very fast, they'd cause problems for any defenders, so maybe it was the falcon. Stoke City have had some great players, It's usally only national teams in the World Cup, but maybe Fifa had different rules back then, so perhaps it was Stoke City. Germany have beaten us a few times on penalties, but was 1966 one of those occasions, hmmm, maybe it was. But... you know I think I remember something about England winning a world cup sometime, was that 1966? I'll take a punt and say that it was. I'll go for England.
[CLIFF PLACES HIS OVERSIZED COIN INTO SLOT A]
[A KLAXON SOUNDS]
HOST: Ah, we all know what that sound means, Sandra is playing her bad-penny bonus!
[HOST TURNS TO SANDRA]
HOST: Finger on your buzzer, the bonuses are about to flash on the screen.
[SANDRA PLACER HER HAND ON A BIG RED BUTTON AS WORDS RAPIDLY FLASH ON THE SCREEN, SHE PRESSES THE BUTTON AND THE WORDS "QUESTION SWAP" FILL THE BIG SCREEN]
HOST: Let's swap the quesssstionnnn!
THE BOARD LIGHTS UP WITH THE ORIGINAL QUESTION AND ANSWERS, THE QUESTION DISSAPEARS BUT THE FOUR ANSWERS REMAIN. THE QUESTION IS REPLACED WITH THE FOLLOWING NEW QUESTION:
"What is the worlds fastest bird of prey?"
HOST: Cliff has his answer locked in as A: England, you have a free choice of the remaining three answers, for the new question, What is the worlds fastest bird of prey? what do you think Sandra?
SANDRA: I'm going for D: Peregrine Falcon
[SANDRA PLACES AN OVERSIZED PENNY FROM HER PILE INTO SLOT D ON HER PODIUM]
HOST: Let's see if you're right.
[ANSWER D PEREGRINE FALCON LIGHTS UP GREEN]
HOST: Well done Sandra, you win the question and steal Cliff's penny.
[HOST GRABS THE PENNY FROM CLIFFS PODIUM]
HOST: Bad luck there Cliff, you're out of the game!
CLIFF: [THROWING HIS ARMS IN THE AIR] What The F...
DIRECTOR: [INTERUPTING] CUT!