British Comedy Guide

Skit Comp 14 - 22.4.16


Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 14th April 2016, 6:31pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,565 posts

Phwoarsome stuff again so congratulations to OTTERFOX and GAPPY for winking. PM me with a subject apiss for next wank please.

Votes - Points - Name
2 - 10 - Gappy, Otterfox
1 - 5 - Tiggy, Scratchy
Special mention: Stylee

Your next subject is ANTS (suggested by Gappy)... I get blowjobs off all my uncles' wives. I get ants in me pants.

One entry/vote per person. Anyone can enter regardless of colour, sexual preferences or inside leg measurement, except Spanish geese.
Can be a sketch, joke, lyric or anything else as long as it's yours and vaguely linked to the topic. Please try to post just your entry/vote.
You can edit your entry as much as you want, up until the closing time.

Competition closes: 22.4.16

Scoreboard is now:
Position - Points - Name
1 - 45 - Gappy
2 - 25 - James
3 - 20 - Tiggy
4 - 15 - Stylee Ting Ting
5 - 10 - Otterfox, me
6 - 5 - Playfull, Scratchyr


Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 16th April 2016, 4:29pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,565 posts



PATIENT Good AUNTernoon, psychiAUNTrist. I'm AUNTony CAUNT and I wAUNTed to recAUNT my situAUNTion.


PATIENT I cAUN'T - AUNTually, shAUN'T AUNT wAUN'T - be AUNTIEsocial or AUNTIEpathetic or a twAUNT. But I'm dAUNTed, hAUNTed and distrAUNTed since I encAUNTed a gAUNT, elegAUNT, AUNTerprising womAUNT.


PATIENT She flAUNTs her extravagAUNTs in AUNTbundAUNTS on the dAUNTs floor; plAUNTs her bAUNTIE in an AUNTonomous glAUNTS; and enchAUNTS my AUNTire existAUNTs with her tits.


PATIENT GrAUNTed, you AUNT AUNTIEgonistic to tAUNTalising AUNTIEtheses, cAUN'T he fAUNT-hAUNTIEd in AUNTalysis and mustAUNT be flippAUNT bAUNT AUNTrepid.

PSYCHIATRIST Yerse, I see the problem.


PSYCHIATRIST Yerse, you're obsessed. With - your mother. Typical bloody man.




  • Monday 18th April 2016, 8:45pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,114 posts

1: Hi. Is this the University of Oxford? Looks like it. So, how do I go about naming a new species?

2: Erm, well, I'm, not really the right person to-

1: Yeah, great, we can sort out the subtleties later. I want to register a new species of ant. And [Chuckles] it's brilliant actually, because I've named it after Brian Wilson out of The Beach Boys.

2: I was actually just about to start my lunch so -

1: Yeah, it's a fire ant. Which is cool, because Brian Wilson totally wore a fireman's hat. That once. Also, the ant lives only in sand and a sandpit is where Brian Wilson went mental, and, like other fire ants it communicates by tapping the ground with its feet and picking up the "good vibrations".

2: I'm not certain I really-

1: I've called it Solenopsis Brianwilsonoutofthebeachboysii. What do I sign to get that official?

2: Look, it's not me that manages this, but to name a new species at the very least you'll need to supply a specimen.

1: Oh. That will be hard. I've not found it yet.

2: You've not found it?

1: Yeah, I don't know for certain it exists. But I thought it was worth booking the name first, and then double checking.

2: Hmmm. I can't believe I'm asking this, but, why don't you find a new species first, and then name it?

1: Because, if I did that I'd probably find an ant with a black head that makes it look like it's wearing a crappy hat, and then I'd have to call it Myrmicinae Thelatesirterrypratchettii. And all the new animals are named after bleeding Terry Pratchett. Terry Pratchett and ancient Greeks -do scientists just read the same two books over and over again, eh? Lazy buggers.

2: Well, good luck on your incredibly specific search.

1: Ha! Well, it's not just Solenopsis Brianwilsonoutofthebeachboysii I'm seeking, for your information. I'm also looking for a witchetty grub named after W B Yeats, which can be found in Sligo, or maybe Byzantium, a Birmingham-based salamander that looks like Benny from Crossroads, and an aardvark called Andy McNabb which lives on helicopters.

2: Best get moving, then; don't want anyone else to find your fire ant first, and name it after The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown, do you?

1: No, I do not! I shall catch the next plane to Kokomo!

2: Brian Wilson wasn't on that one.

1: Oh. Right. Never mind, Solenopsis Mikelovethecompletebastardoutofthebeachboysii would do just as well.



  • Saturday 23rd April 2016, 11:03am
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,114 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 23rd April 2016, 10:51 AM BST


Yes, let's assume we voted for each other: anyone else want to throw in any opinions?

Sorry if I picked a hard theme again, it gets dificult trying to think of things that are interesting, open and have not been done before. :(


Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 23rd April 2016, 11:08am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,565 posts

My mother is interesting and very open but done before.



  • Saturday 23rd April 2016, 1:26pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,114 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 23rd April 2016, 11:08 AM BST

My mother is interesting and very open but done before.

Laughing out loud



  • Saturday 23rd April 2016, 3:31pm
  • Reading, England
  • 195 posts

I've been on holiday.