British Comedy Guide

Grand Theft Auto Parody

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Lee

  • Friday 29th May 2015, 10:32am
  • Lincolnshire, United Kingdom
  • 36,348 posts

Good stuff Gav. Finally references I get as I play GTA, unlike the other one.

The animations/art is great, although some of the faces might look better if they were more animated/emotive.

The female voice sounds to me like the voice of the woman from one of the original GTA trailers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj9N5lZodH4 - Ok, maybe only just but still, great voice!

As far as the script goes, lots of references for us to catch, although I'll be honest and say only one or two raised a smile, my favourite being the non mic player randomly shooting out of the window :D

I feel like you're almost there, amongst the other top Machinima style animations but the difference is, some of there scripts are really tight! Where as some of yours don't have that same punch. It's like you have good jokes on paper but then they don't play out as well. It might be something to do with your performances, where professionals would bring that extra depth you might be missing? Although I'm not sure because your voice and Jon's are still likeable.

One thing that I don't get with all these game parodies is that your character sounds like he doesn't want to be there, to the point where I'm thinking why doesn't he just log out? I think you need to think of a way to establish a reason why he would stay, even if it's something very subtle to drop in every episode.

Find a script editor who will tighten up your jokes or be more brutal in the editing and I think you'll be onto a winner.

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Gavin

  • Friday 29th May 2015, 10:47am
  • Wales
  • 22,778 posts

Cheers buddy good points there.

The miserable guy really is me playing GTA I wonder why I bother lol! But I paid like 30 quid so gotta get monies worth haha!

Good points about performance as well :)

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Nil Putters

  • Friday 29th May 2015, 1:47pm
  • A galaxy far, far away or, England
  • 28,689 posts

That's great. I laughed but, maybe, because it seemed like it had been scripted from one of our multilayer. :D Great. And made me miss the 3 amigos.

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Lee

  • Friday 29th May 2015, 3:51pm
  • Lincolnshire, United Kingdom
  • 36,348 posts

*holds breath for new Red Dead Redemption*

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Yacob Wingnut

  • Friday 29th May 2015, 7:09pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 705 posts

Hey Gavin. Here are my thoughts:

- I know computer games are very popular on YouTube but aren't there enough computer game parodies yet?

- There's a good amount of jokes in this and they're pretty good (e.g. I liked the vehicle recovery joke near the beginning and the crashing into the police car at the end). As Lee mentioned, the jokes could be made better with the voices being improved (I think some more editing and playing around with the animation would help too). I watched episode 5 and 6 of your h1z1 parody and the joke density and quality in those weren't so high (maybe you were in a rush to get them out). Hope subsequent episodes of this parody are as joke-heavy as the first one.

- I have a real problem with the voices. Please, please, please act or get in people who can.

- On the subject of the voices, I noticed there was a lot of small issues with the recording quality (e.g. plenty of popping p's). It's not the hugest of concerns but thought I'd mention it.

- The animation is functional and I can understand why you use it but it does come across a little dull and lazy. Be nice if you did more drawing.

- Be nice if the characters in this had similar designs to the characters in your h1z1 parodies - give your cartoons more consistency as they seem to be the same characters.

- Personally I would've made this 2 episodes instead of one. Episode 2 beginning at 1:30.

My thoughts anyway. For the record, I don't consider myself an expert at any of this - I'm still very much learning (and messing up :)).

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sootyj

  • Friday 29th May 2015, 7:32pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

I don't know anything about computer games, so I didn't get it at all.

Problem is Gav if you write topical stuff, there's a concept of "inherently funny"

So a sufficently funny sketch on Eritrean currency negotiations, should be funny to any audience.

Yours just doesn't feel funny if you don't know anything about the the subject.

Where as I've laughed at Minecraft skits online and I still don't know what it is.

You need to move away from 3 or 4 characters walk on and have a didactic conversation.

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Gavin

  • Friday 29th May 2015, 11:59pm
  • Wales
  • 22,778 posts

Thanks for the detailed feedback guys.

Yacob
At the moment video game parodies are the only thing bringing in any sort of audience, I enjoy playing them so it's a good exercise to produce content quickly. Total production time was 4 days.

I'd agree about the voices, I think I've reached my limit as a voice over so I will step aside and look for better actors.

The only reason the characters look different is to represent the online avatars in game more. But I understand where your coming from.

Sootyj

Thanks for the honesty on the writing front pal.

I can appreciate what your saying, and I would agree that it's very much targeted at a particular audience. But that shouldn't exclude the broader audience.

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gappy

  • Tuesday 2nd June 2015, 8:53pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,026 posts

Let me know when you do Chuckie Egg and I'll be able to comment. ;)