All comments greatly appreciated.

EXT. DITCH - DAY

STUDENTS CARLY AND ADE EMERGE ZOMBIE-LIKE FROM A DITCH. RED-EYED AND WRECKED.

EXT. FIELD - DAY

EVERYWHERE IN EVERY DIRECTION THERE IS NOTHING BUT MUD.

CARLY
Horizontal hurts!

ADE
We`re parallel.

CARLY
And everything`s brown!

ADE
Must have been a great night!

CARLY NODS THEN GRIMACES.

ADE
So... we got pissed, fell in a ditch and mislaid the rest of the world.

CARLY
I suppose it had to happen eventually.

CARLY AND ADE START WALKING.

ADE
Maybe we`re the only humans left?

CARLY
Don`t be soft!

CARLY AND ADE REACH FOR THEIR MOBILES.

ADE
Damn, must be a network coverage thing. Too much brown.

CARLY
No credit.

ADE
We`re buggered.

CARLY
I`m scared...

ADE
Don`t worry Carly, there`s always non-stop sex.

SUDDENLY TWO BEAMS OF LIGHT FOCUS ON CARLY AND ADE.

ADE
What the!

A LIGHT FURTHER UP AHEAD, BRINGS DOWN A SMALL, ROTUND, HUMAN-LIKE FORM WITH OUTSTRETCHED ARMS.

CARLY
OmiGod! An East Midlands E.T!

ADE
Listen, if it`s female and basically human I`d be prepared to shag it, if you think it`d help?

CARLY SLAPS ADE.

ADE
Shit! It looks like my Aunt Edna!

CARLY
I take it the welcome shag`s off then?

ADE NODS.

ADE
What`s going on?

AUNT EDNA
The population was declared unsafe and rescued by aliens, while you two were (COUGHS) otherwise engaged.

ADE LAUGHS. CARLY SNIGGERS.

ADE
You expect us to believe that!

AUNT EDNA
There was a quick whoosh and boom, then a rather terrifying splat and it was all over.

ADE
Impressive, but we can`t be the only ones left?

AUNT EDNA
Trust me, it`s just you two. You were overlooked in that ditch. Hurry now, they won`t wait.

ADE
Well, I`m not going.

CARLY
But Ade, everything`s gone and I need shops, plenty of them! You know how I get!

CARLY RUNS OVER TO AUNT EDNA.

AS CARLY TAKES HER PLACE IN THE LIGHT NEXT TO AUNT EDNA, ADE SPRINTS FORWARD, GRABS CARLY AND PULLS HER AWAY.

THE NEXT DAY

EXT. DITCH - DAY

AS CARLY AND ADE EMERGE ZOMBIE-LIKE FROM THE DITCH, THEIR MOUTHS DROP OPEN.

EXT. FIELD - DAY

ALL THE MUD HAS BEEN REPLACED BY GRASS AND TREES.

CARLY
Hey! Wow! I`ll never take anything for granted ever again!

ADE
Give it a couple of hours and I`m sure you`ll be back to your old shallow self!

CARLY
Hey!

ADE
While I`m more instantaneous. So, how about a celebratory shag then?

CARLY
Ade!

ADE
Just kidding!

CARLY AND ADE WALK OFF HAND IN HAND.

BEHIND CARLY AND ADE THERE`S A GIGGLING SOUND.

A LITTLE FURTHER BACK, BEHIND A TREE, UNSEEN BY CARLY AND ADE, THREE STRANGE ALIEN-LIKE FINGERS TAP ON THE BARK THEN DISAPPEAR.

I don't get it, I'm afraid.

Best Wishes

That`s OK.

I like to try different things.

Is there a gag I'm missing?

It's OK Jude, I liked it. Not a great laugh out loud but enjoyable.

(Hope that doesn't sound patronising) - is this to be a one off or part of something longer?

It was a good read along the way, but didn't get the ending?

Is is more SF than sitcom. I think it's interesting and want to know what happens next.

Thanks Alan, David and Leevil

Students Carly and Ade emerge from a ditch (where they`ve slept the night), with killer hangovers to discover the world as they knew it has disappeared.

You know, everyone loses stuff at some point like an essay, some clothes etc, but losing the rest of the world after a night on the town is pretty careless.

While they were asleep, the world has been sucked up and spat out in a parallel universe.

That`s all it is really. The end mirrors the beginning, they wake up and think that things are back to how they were, but they`re not and they`re missing out on what`s going on behind them.

Nothing yet everything has changed, as they`ve been sucked up too.

Probably too much to get into a short slot and yes it probably is SF but I`m having a go learning along the way. At least I`m trying to develop my own style, trying out a range of stuff and not getting put off.

That`s why I think the Critique Section is valuable. You can put it up and see what works, what doesn`t and why.

One day I`ll make you laugh, maybe not yet, but it will happen, probably when I least expect it. These things are a skill that takes practise and I don`t mind writing loads of turkeys on a public forum to learn. It all helps.

Quote: Jude @ June 6, 2007, 11:58 PM

Probably too much to get into a short slot

View original

Yeah, I got the message, rub it in (lol).

Well I'm a sci-fi nut so I liked it. I laughed out loud at the stab at Orange's terrible network coverage:

"ADE
Damn, must be a network coverage thing. Too much brown."

Err... that was intentional, right?

I immediately got the concept of drunken night followed by loss of memory/things and, in this case, the Earth...

I agree that it's not 'trad' but seriously, where is the traditional sit-com going to work any more? I know there are a few still out there but the genre has moved on... things are so much more focused on the comdey-drama angle these days. I could see this working as a longer piece/series.

Keep on being experimental Jude...

Actually, I must be on a roll or something because as I was one of the few to get what the Fishter (Wildjesusfishkid) writes, I also got 'it' with Jude's surreal sketch. I liked it because it put me in mind of 'The Young Ones'. Although not many laugh out loud lines but there were some gems like: "Listen, if it`s female and basically human I`d be prepared to shag it, if you think it`d help?" It was pure Viv.

But, how do you get over making this sketch a little bit more lucid, if that's going to be an option. Well, you could write something a bit more obvious but that could work against you in very much the same way as the infamous shower scene in 'Dallas, when Patrick Duffy (Bobby) decided he wanted to get back on the 'Dallas'gravytrain.

You have a very nice style, Jude, and I look forward to reading your next post.

Thanks Darren and Baumski, much appreciated

It was a stab at Orange`s network coverage Darren I didn`t think anyone`d get it though (lol).

And Baumski I`m so pleased you `got it` and thanks for your comments.

I`ll keep on experimenting.