IAN AND HIS WIFE SARAH ARE JUST A TAD PRETENTIOUS

INT: INSIDE THE SUPERMARKET.(WAITROSE, OBVIOUSLY)

IAN:
Babe...babe we aint some tattooed red necked gypo's on our monthly out of date giro shopping trip...it's your bloody 40th bash...not pancake day...crack open the Burberry vault...let's live a little...lets show off to the neighbours.

SARAH:
Babe...i aint spending no fortune on unnecessary food that's gonna be eaten by flies...or just flung inside the matching chrome Brabantia swing bins...we can create a master piece using our limited edition Cornish Ware serving dishes...its all about presentation...not ingredients.

IAN:
Well are you gonna explain to the neighbours.

SARAH:
Explain what.

IAN:
Why the parties got as much sophistication as a CBBC sleep over...you have to be carefull out here babe...one little mistake and the whole village starts neglecting ya...first the good mornings will go and before you know it we'll be known as number 27...the poor unfortunate family...the W.I will be over quicker than you can roll a ciggy...with their potted fish pastes...and peaches in tins.

SARAH:
I aint falling for that one again

IAN:
Babe...think M&S "this isnt just a 40th...this is a Barret-Jones 40th"

SARAH:
Think "This isnt a Paris Hilton 40th...this is my 40th" and let me get on with it will ya.

IAN:
ok ok if you want six buckets of marmite and chive flavoured E-number nibbles and ten litres of sparkling park bench loopy juice...then go ahead.

SARAH:
Shit.

IAN:
whats a matter babe.

SARAH:
its Marcus and Sophie...and their coming this way...quick start unloading.

IAN:
shit...unload unload unload...you get the nibbles i'll get the loopy juice.

SARAH:
you get A full case of Moet and ill get some fresh smoked salmon.

MARCUS AND SOPHIE JOIN THEM.

SARAH:
just a bit of last minute shopping...for my party.

IAN:
I take it you'll still be attending.

MARCUS:
will do if the Moets flowing...wont we darling.

SOPHIE:
sorry...oh yes its Sally's 40th

SARAH:
its Sarah.

SOPHIE:
So Sally what time shall we arrive.

SARAH:
About nine.

MARCUS:
Shall we bring anything.

IAN:
Just Sarah's expensive Prezzie.

SARAH:
Ian.

SOPHIE AND MARCUS LEAVE.

Sarah:
i Cant stand them two

IAN:
me either...did you look inside their shopping cart.

SARAH:
I know...the pretentious pratts.

IAN:
Right unload unload unload...i'll get the wine...you get the nibbles.

END.