VO
Sootyj films presents audio scenes cut from the films of David Attenborough.
THIS SKETCH IS AUDIO ONLY
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (DA)
And here we see the colony of Mountain Gorillas we visited yesterday. And there is the alpha male, he truly he is a magnificent specimen. A gentle giant a wise king of the few remaining wild areas in the world.
How has this creature almost come to the point of extinction?....it messed with me and my baseball bat.
FX SOUND OF DA FINISHING A BOTTLE OF BUCKFAST AND THEN THROWING IT AGAINST A TREE.
DA
Come on you black bastard, I'll endanger you! Ruffle my hair infront of 6,000,000 viewers you don't know who you're messing with I bummed a tiger!
FX SOUND OF TITANIC BATTLE OF MAN VS GORILLA MUCH GORILLA HOOTING
TV PRODUCER
No David leave it he's not worth it. Quick someone tranquilize both of them.
SCENE2
FX SOUND OF A BOAT PLOWING THROUGH AN OCEAN A WHALE BREAKS THE WAVES (EG A BIG SPLASH)
DA
The Blue Whales perhaps the most magnificent creature in all the world. It's heart is the size of a mini, a child could crawl through it's mighty arteries. And it's blow hole the exact proportions of a 12 year old boys anus.
PRODUCER
No come back David! Put your trousers back on.
FX SOUND OF DA JUMPING OFF BOAT AND LANDING ON WHALE.
DA
Time for me to free willy, you cephlapod whore!
