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Some good dialogue in there you stopped at a good place to making reader thinking whats going to happen. All in all pretty good I think the bouncer section could be trimmed a little but you know that just me good work matey

Yeah. Good dialogue and you left me hanging. It's good, but try and cut down ont the description or atleast try to space it out a bit.

Very funny!
If you'll allow me to criticise anything, well sometimes it's better to minimise camera descriptions as that's for the director to decide during the shoot. Some great lines and visual gags!

Thanks for the comments. I've trimmed down the first scene description as I was never happy with having that much to kick off a script.

Trying to get across visual humour in a script is just one of those pains.

I thought it was funny too but agree that reading all the description was a bit like hard work. The ideas and dialogue seem original though.