Here's another for you. Apologies about the formatting, etc, etc.
My other one, "The Carey's" is here:
https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/1830
FADE IN:
INT. BEDROOM. DAY
As the clock turns to 7:00 AM, the alarm goes off. DANIEL lies on the floor. He reaches up and turns it off. He is in his early twenties and would probably be more self-confident if he realised that.
He rubs the sleep out of his tired eyes, before noticing the stains all over his shirt. We hear his voice over:
DANIEL (V.O.)
So, you’re probably wondering
why I’m holding my chest. It
could be the strain on my
arteries after eating a tub of
chocolate and in the next few
seconds my heart is going to
burst out of my chest.
His shirt begins to turn blood red as if his heart is going to burst out.
DANIEL (V.O.)
Or I just have a mean of case of
indigestion.
Daniel burps and a smile comes across his face.
DANIEL (V.O.)
You see; I’m an artist and that
means I tend to drift off into
my own little fantasy world.
INT. - DAY
In Daniel’s fantasy, he enters the bathroom. He notices a puddle of water on the floor.
DANIEL (V.O.)
Like the puddle on the floor. Is
there a leak in the pipes or did I
sleep with someone and they’ve
been using the bathroom?
Crash! Thunder! Bang! Lightning!
Cut to close up on the shower curtain torn off the hooks.
A beautiful female steps from behind the curtain.
ANGLE ON Daniel’s eyes as they widen.
DANIEL (V.O.)
Wouldn’t that be great?
Daniel is pulled out of the bathroom and pushed full force onto the bed.
INT. BEDROOM. CONTINUOUS
ANGLE ON Daniel’s hand clutching the bed sheets.
DANIEL (V.O.)
The problem is that these things
stop before they have even
started.
TIME CUT TO:
Pull back to see Daniel lying on the bed, now dressed appropriately for work.
EXT. STREET. DAY
Daniel approaches a tall building. He’s smiling, excited.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING. MAIN FLOOR. DAY
The instant Daniel enters the music stops, like someone has ripped vinyl off a record player.
DANIEL (V.O.)
So, you probably want to know
something about me? Well, I left
home a year ago with none of my
parent’s financial support and I
came to the conclusion that I
must fend for myself.
A frantic MRS. WILSON surprises Daniel by tapping him on the shoulder.
MRS. WILSON
Great. Someone is waiting for you
upstairs. And could you pencil in
the date for when you finished the
last draft of Ronny Blaze.
Daniel stands there, nervous, clueless.
MRS. WILSON
Well, come on?
DANIEL
Do I know you?
She shakes her head and exits.
DANIEL (V.O.)
So, I don’t like talking to
people, that’s not a big deal.
INT. RECEPTION DESK. DAY
Daniel goes up to the reception desk. Sitting there is OLIVE, glued to her copy of Pride and Prejudice.
DANIEL (V.O.)
I work here at, Big Crime
Comics. And this lady is one of
the lovely receptionists, Olive.
She understands me.
DANIEL
Hey, Olive.
Olive glances but doesn’t bother to make eye contact.
DANIEL (V.O.)
In this place it can take a while
to get into the swing of
conversation.
DANIEL
I said hey, Olive.
OLIVE
Can’t you see that I’m reading
or are you blind?
INT. - DAY
In Daniel’s fantasy, he slams a fist on the counter.
DANIEL
(angry)
I said hey, Olive.
OLIVE
Can’t you see that I’m readi...
(raises head,
then realising)
Oh, Jesus!
She looks to Daniel. He is dressed in a black suit and is holding a box of chocolates and a gun.
OLIVE (CONT’D)
What the hell are you doing?
Silence. He puts a finger on her lips.
DANIEL
Dear Olive, l’amour est un. I
believe that personality and the
soul is what makes a person
beautiful, it does not always
have to be the physical
appearance.
OLIVE
Are you trying to say I’m a dog?
Daniel hands her a single red rose.
Olive, cautious, snaps it from his grasp.
OLIVE
A single red rose? Couldn’t you
afford a bunch of flowers?
He looks around clueless.
DANIEL (V.O.)
Oh, for god’s sake! Forget weak
at the knees and just realise
you’ll never be cool.
INT. HALLWAY. DAY
Daniel walks next to his friend, Josh, who is eating a saucer of delicious cake.
JOSH
You should try some of this. It’s
a double chocolate, fruit and
coconut cake.
DANIEL
No, thanks. I’m allergic to nuts.
JOSH
Both kinds?
Daniel and Josh turn a corner. A group of beautiful women come past in the opposite direction. For a long moment all of their eyes centre on Josh and nothing else. When they disappear, Daniel says:
DANIEL
How do you get gorgeous women to
look at you like that?
JOSH
Believe it or not my dad made it
all by himself. It’s the first
thing he’s ever cooked.
DANIEL
The big problem is that none of
them are single.
JOSH
I think you need to work on your
decision-making skills. You
always want something you can’t
have.
DANIEL
I’d just love somebody to love.
JOSH
You better find somebody to love.
Daniel stops and cocks his head. Josh looks confused.
DANIEL
What are you doing?
JOSH
Are we not singing Jefferson
Airplane?
DANIEL
No, no. I’m talking about the
girls in this place. They don’t
even notice me.
JOSH
You never talk to them. Are you
scared?
DANIEL
It has nothing to do with being
scared...
(coyly)
I’ve just added a slight hint of
mystery to my persona.
Josh laughs and shakes his head.
DANIEL (CONT’D)
What is it you have that I don’t?
JOSH
Oh, a lot of things.
DANIEL
Okay. Yeah. Apart from the pimp
cane that makes you look like
Huggy Bear.
JOSH
It’s nothing.
DANIEL
Can’t you be more specific?
JOSH
All right. It’s just that you
don’t really have much charm or
good looks... but that is nothing
for you to worry about.
DANIEL
You can talk. You’ve practically
slept with every woman in this
place. It’s astonishing to say
the least.
JOSH
(proudly)
Oh, I know.
DANIEL
It’s... that’s... that is
nothing to brag about.
JOSH
Why not?
DANIEL
Because you become some kind of
slut. You swoop in and then you
swoop back out of them again
with no concern for their true
feelings.
JOSH
(hand on Daniels
shoulder)
Dan, Dan. I’m not a slut.
DANIEL
Then you’re a whore.
JOSH
I’m all man.
DANIEL
(points)
You’re a man whore.
Josh exits and catches up with the group of women at the end of the hall.
DANIEL (V.O.)
I shouldn’t complain. I’m just
being bitter that’s all. He’s a
good friend and we’ve known each
other forever.
EXT. - DAY
Daniel and Josh, younger. Pictures are taken of the both of them holding up graduation certificates.
DANIEL (V.O.)
We drank and smoked out in
college.
INT. - DAY
Daniel and Josh sit on a couch, stoned out of their minds. They are holding a beer and cigarette.
DANIEL (V.O.)
We both left home at the same
time.
EXT. - DAY
Daniel and Josh carry their couch out of a house.
DANIEL (V.O.)
But with nowhere to go.
The couch is placed on the sidewalk outside the same house.
INT. DANIEL’S OFFICE. DAY
Daniel comes into his office and sees a beautiful girl sitting at a desk.
DANIEL (V.O.)
Oh, my God!
Music starts up. Suddenly the room darkens and spotlights appear shining directly on Kate and Daniel.
The office brightens back up as Kate says:
KATE
Uh, hi. I was just wondering if
you’re...
DANIEL
Single?
KATE
Err, no.
DANIEL
Yes!
KATE
What?
DANIEL
What?
KATE
(shakes head)
Sorry, but we seem to be having
a communication problem. So, I’ll
just go.
DANIEL
No, no. What were you saying?
KATE
Well, I’m looking for Daniel
Chaplin.
DANIEL
Oh, right.
KATE
So, are you Daniel Chaplin?
DANIEL
Yeah.
KATE
Great. I’m Kate.
DANIEL
(extends hand)
It’s nice to meet you.
(then)
I don’t what you’re doing here
but I better get to work.
KATE
Didn’t they tell you?
DANIEL
What?
KATE
You and me are going to be
partners.
DANIEL
Partners?
KATE
Yeah. Come on, you can give me
the guided tour.
INT. HALLWAY. DAY
Daniel and Kate come into the empty hall. Kate gradually increasing her pace.
KATE
My dad urged me to apply for this
job. You see he’s got a new
squeeze, and she keeps going on
about how I should do something
constructive in life. So, this
and the break up with my
boyfriend, Elton...
DANIEL (V.O.)
Yes! She’s single. There’s an
opportunity.
KATE
... Catapulted me into applying
for the job. I wanted to do
other things like becoming a race
car driver or a sniper.
DANIEL (V.O.)
Okay. Crazy people can be loving
people to.
KATE
That’s a joke don’t take it too
seriously.
DANIEL
Yeah. I would have called the
police if it weren’t.
KATE
Oh, and to clarify I’d never try
and kill Elton.
(responding to
Daniels nod)
Yeah. I’d get someone else to do
it instead.
DANIEL
(stops)
Are you joking now?
Kate gives him a look, then:
KATE
Maybe.
INT. HALLWAY. CONTINUOUS
Daniel looks to Kate. She stops in front of a door.
DANIEL
Yeah. So, the thing you’re in
front of is the door...
KATE
Yeah.
DANIEL
Okay. Good. Because I thought the
best thing to do would be open it
up and walk through but if that’s
too complicated then I
understand.
Daniel goes to open the door but Kate pushes him back.
DANIEL (CONT’D)
I’ll just go someplace else.
KATE
Hey, come on. Try and get past.
DANIEL
(serious, then
steps back)
Kate, I’m not going to...
Suddenly Daniel charges at Kate with force. Cut to:
INT. - DAY
In Daniel’s fantasy, he wears a gladiator uniform and holds a giant pugil stick.
A fight between the both of them ensues until Kate is knocked out.
Daniel is victorious and runs for the door.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING. OPEN PLAN OFFICE. DAY
Back to reality. Daniel and Kate run into another part of the building.
KATE
I let you win. You know that,
right?
Kate is not the least bit tired. She then says:
KATE (CONT’D)
So, where do we go?
Too tired to speak, Daniel points.
