I finally finished another draft (7th) a couple of weeks ago. I sent it off to the Comedy Unit, blah blah. Anyway, here's the first 10 pages...
FADE IN:
EXT. GOLF COURSE. DAY
The camera pulls back to reveal a golf course. Cut to a close up of Robert Carey, coming into shot.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is Robert Carey.
Chyron reads “Robert Carey, Male, Assistant to Ronald Carey Jnr.”
NARRATOR (V.O.)
He has a degree in business from
Cambridge University. He’s now
working for his father, Ronald
Carey Jnr.
CUT TO:
Ronald Carey Jnr leans on his golf bag and falls out of shot.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is Robert’s father, Ronald
Carey Jnr.
He hops back up and looks around, trying to regain his composure.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Up until 20 years ago he’d been
living off the royalties of
novelty music hits, which were
recorded for children’s
television back in the early 60’s.
Chyron reads “Ronald Carey Jnr, Male, Father and Company Owner.”
INT. - DAY
Ronald Jnr can be seen arguing with Ronald Carey Snr before chooking a cup of orange juice at his father’s crotch.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Ronald Carey Jnr quit the music
business at the age of thirteen
after a confrontation with his
father over royalties.
EXT. GOLF COURSE. CONTINUOUS
Ronald Jnr notices something in the distance causing him to look scared.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Throughout the last few months a
group of Animal Rights Protesters
have been invading the Carey
Family lifestyle, and rumours of
illegal foxhunting have been
profusely denied.
EXT. - DAY
Ronald Jnr cocks his gun. His wife Danielle and a large group of friends also carry shotguns.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Ronald Jnr did not shoot a fox...
BANG! Scream! Something caught is heard.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
He accidentally shot a local
Farmer instead.
Ronald Jnr grabs Danielle. The group quickly disband from a cornfield.
INT. COUNTRY CLUB. DAY
Danielle and her friend Gabrielle, sit together at the mini bar in conversation.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is Robert Carey’s
biological mother, Danielle
Carey.
Chyron reads “Danielle Carey, Female, Socialite and Big Spender.”
GABRIELLE
... And then what happened?
DANIELLE
We came into the living room and
poor Monty was there, scattered
across out zebra rug. I was
horrified to see him lying there.
We’d just had it cleaned.
GABRILLE
Monty was your cousin, correct?
DANIELLE
No, a Labrador.
GABRILLE
So, I take it he died naturally?
DANIELE
If by natural you mean cut up
into little pieces, then... yes.
GABRIELLE
He had such a lovely coat.
Danielle nods.
ANGLE ON: Naked flesh hitting the glass. Protestors surround the bar area outside.
Danielle covers her head with the fur coat she is wearing.
DANIELLE
Hiding under here is useless.
Danielle’s daughter, Jamie, approaches the bar.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is Robert’s sister, Jamie
Murray. She is married to Zachary
Don and together they have a
daughter, Alice.
Chyron reads “Jamie Carey, Female, Daughter, Mother, Lover and Compulsive Liar.”
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Just before giving birth Jamie
graduated with a degree in law.
PHOTO:
Of Jamie giving birth in her graduation robe.
We then see a picture of her holding baby Alice and her certificate.
CUT TO:
Back to the bar.
JAMIE
(to the
Barman)
A cosmopolitan, please.
(to Danielle)
It looks like the protestors are
back again. I also noticed
they’re all wearing leather
boots. Idiots.
DANIELLE
I don’t get why they have to be
so noisy?
JAMIE
For god sake mother, they’re just
expressing their opinions. It’s
not like they’re causing any
troub...
(then, shocked)
F**k... is that blood?
DANIELLE
Couldn’t they go on a hunger
strike?
JAMIE
Don’t you call that a diet?
INT. - DAY
Danielle lies on a reclining chair and a maid offers her a plate of salad.
DANIELLE
Oh, no. I’m on a hunger strike.
(then)
Is that lettuce?
(eats lettuce)
They can drain 99% of that water
out through botox.
EXT. GOLF COURSE. DAY
Back to the golf course. Robert approaches his adopted brother, Edgar Quo. Neither has noticed Ronald Jnr looks scared.
ROBERT
That’s a pretty long shot, huh?
EDGAR
I can make it.
ROBERT
Seriously, it’s like four
hundred yards.
EDGAR
I can make it!
Edgar goes to hit the golf ball but stops. He calls out to his French caddy, Jacques.
EDGAR (CONT’D)
Hand me a 5 iron please, Jackie.
JACQUES
Can I... do you think that is
sensible, monsieur?
EDGAR
(shouts)
I said a 5 iron! Danke.
Jacques hands over a 5-iron golf club. Edgar notices Robert continuously watching him.
ROBERT
You’re a little ignorant aren’t
you?
EDGAR
No, Robert. I’m just very
proud. Okay?
ROBERT
Right. Now, you’re just being
ignorant.
EDGAR
Ignorance, arrogance, is the same
thing. It just depends on how
intelligent you are.
Freeze on Edgar.
Chyron reads “Edgar Quo, Male, Adopted Son and Musician.”
NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is Robert’s adopted
brother, Edgar Quo.
PHOTO:
Of a serious looking Edgar, face covered in makeup.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Edgar recently became a member of
Kiss tribute band, Bliss.
The camera pulls back to reveal a serious looking Edgar surrounded by a group of other musicians.
He holds up a colourful sign, which reads, “Rock & Roll All Night, Bitch.”
NARRATOR (V.O.)
But a slight spelling mistake in
a popular music publication
resulted in complaints from Gene
Simmons.
The camera pulls back more, revealing a magazine article.
The headline reads, “Piss, Voted. No.1!”
CUT TO:
Back to the golf course.
Edgar sees his shot fly further and wider than he expected, crashing into the trees.
INT. SAUNA. DAY
Joseph enters the sauna and sits opposite a couple of good-looking girls.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
And finally there’s Robert’s
younger brother, Joseph.
Chyron reads “Joseph Carey, Male, Son and Science Fiction Fanatic.”
JOSEPH
Hey, hi.
GIRL #1
Yeah. Do you think you could
not, err... look in this
direction.
GIRL #2
Oh, be nice.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Recently, Joseph graduated with
honours from Georgetown
University in the United States.
PHOTO:
A postcard of the Georgetown University campus.
Joseph (photo shopped) is stood in the foreground. He points at the main church building.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Due to his quest for learning
Joseph studied everything from
Theoretical Modelling and
Optimisation to “Philosophy and
Star Trek.”
INT. - DAY
Joseph dressed as Doctor Spock addresses a class of Star Trek enthusiasts.
ANGLE ON: Distant group of Star Wars fans protest in the corridor.
A sign reads “Shatner Sucks.” Another reads, “Your resistance is puerile.”
CUT TO:
Back to the sauna.
JOSEPH
... Seriously, we only use 5
percent of our brains. Think of
what we could achieve if we
used, I dunno... 6 percent.
GIRL #1
(rolls eyes)
Do you have any breath mints?
JOSEPH
No, no. Not on me... I don’t
think so...
(then)
Actually, if I just...
GIRL #2
Oh, please. You’re fine.
GIRL #1
I meant for him.
Joseph begins to redden.
JOSEPH
Ooh, right here.
Joseph hands the girl as packet of mints. She cringes.
The other girl cocks her head in the direction of his crotch.
Pull back to reveal Joseph standing there in the sauna, completely naked.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
When nervous, he suffers from
intense sweating.
WILLIAM
Okay.
(gulps)
This is... not unusual.
PHOTO:
Of the Carey Family before hand. A flashbulb pops again and again.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
So, this is Robert’s family and
they’re great, right?
DISSOLVE INTO:
A photo of the Carey Family, which has been vandalised with illustrated devil horns and moustaches.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Well, not exactly. But before we
continue we’ll show you how the
day started.
INT. ROBERT’S BEDROOM. DAY
Close up on Robert in bed.
His eyes are open and he looks like he’s been staring at the ceiling for a long time.
Chyron reads “Earlier that morning.”
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Today, Robert would be
introducing his newest girlfriend
to the Carey Family.
Robert turns onto his side. Finally, he says:
ROBERT
‘You know what I love about this
relationship?
KRISTEN
Nope.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
But lately there’s been a dip in communication.
ROBERT
The closeness.
Reveal Kristen and Robert lying in separate beds. She opens her eyes.
KRISTEN
Oh, closeness. Right. I thought
you were talking about sex.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is Robert’s girlfriend,
Kristen Stevenson.
Chyron reads “Kristen Stevenson, Gender Uncertain.”
ROBERT
No.
KRISTEN
Can we talk about sex?
ROBERT
No, no. Later. I was trying to
explain that we get along really
good and we can talk to each
other without interruptions...
Robert speech is interrupted by the sound of loud drilling.
ROBERT
You see? Also, we never complain
about each other’s flaws.
KRISTEN
You snore.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Robert and Kristen met in a local
bar and soon realised they were
both afraid of drying alone. So,
of course they decided to start a relationship.
PHOTO:
Of Robert wearing a pair of plastic breasts. Kristen has a scribbled moustache on her top lip. They are both drunk.
INT. ROBERT’S BEDROOM. CONTINUOUS
Roberts tries to pull Kristen out of her bed.
ROBERT
Are you bothering to get up?
No response. Robert goes out of shot.
As he comes back into shot he sounds a rape horn close to Kristen’s ear. She jolts up.
KRISTEN
Jesus f**king Christ. What are
you doing?
ROBERT
Good mornin’?
Robert grins happily.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Are you ready for the day ahead?
KRISTEN
Excuse me?
ROBERT
We’re supposed to be meeting my
parents. I thought it’d look good
on my part if you came along.
KRISTEN
You never told me.
ROBERT
Of course I did.
KRISTEN
Let me think back.
(pause)
No, no. I don’t think so.
ROBERT
Did I mention they called last
night?
KRISTEN
No. You didn’t mention that either.
ROBERT
Huh. I see... they sounded like
they’re really looking forward to
it though.
KRISTEN
What do you mean by “sounded like?”
ROBERT
Well, there was a piggish grunt
and that was it.
Robert grabs her hands tightly.
ROBERT (CONT’D)
Listen to me, all right? They’re
going to absolutely love you, just
like I love you. I’m sure of it.
Kristen is touched. She says:
KRISTEN
Really?
ROBERT
No. No, they’re not. They have no
feelings.
She sighs and heads into the bathroom.
Apologies for that way it's formatted. Oh, and i wrote this before f**king Roman's Empre, lol. 
Good work