British Comedy Guide

Plumber

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The Giggle-o

  • Friday 26th March 2010, 1:06am [Edited]
  • England
  • 1,489 posts

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

A ROTUND MAN STANDS AT THE SINK.

ROTUND MAN

That's it! The water's running away now.

A PLUMBER RISES FROM UNDER THE SINK.

PLUMBER

Blockage in the U-bend; looked like a load of blitzed up meat and there was this little green hat in it. (holds up dripping green hat)

ROTUND MAN

(NERVOUSLY) Oh, uhm, I don't know what that could be.

PLUMBER

Anyway, I think I'll head off now so if you want to pay me by cheque...just call it thirty quid.

ROTUND MAN

Don't you want to stay a bit longer? Have something to eat maybe?

PLUMBER

Uhm... (checks watch) alright, I am a bit peckish. (brief delay) I know it sounds odd but have you got any mushrooms?

ROTUND MAN

Ha, that's funny I've got some all ready here.

PLUMBER WALKS OVER TO THE DINING TABLE AND SUDDENLY JUMPS OVER SOMETHING.

PLUMBER

Whoa! There are loads of holes in the floor. I nearly fell through!

ROTUND MAN

Oh, ignore those. Here you go.

RM PUTS A PLATE WITH A LARGE MUSHROOM/FLY AGARIC ON THE TABLE AND ENTHUSIASTICALLY ENCOURAGES THE PLUMBER TO EAT IT.

PLUMBER

Hmm, it's lovely. I think my energy levels were a bit low. (With mouth full) Could you just write the cheque out; I've got another job in half an hour.

ROTUND MAN

Oh, ok. (He writes a cheque whilst the plumber eats with alacrity)

PLUMBER

(takes the cheque) Cheers...(observes name on cheque) Bowser?! (he looks down at the mushroom) What have you done? Poison Mushrooms...?

RM/BOWSER

Finally! After all these years of being pushed in fiery hot, lava!

PLUMBER

...and the green hat in the U-bend? Luigi? You've killed Luigi?!

RM/BOWSER BEGINS TO LAUGH MANIACALLY. PLUMBER CLUTCHES HIS THROAT. ENTER YOUNG WOMAN.

PLUMBER

(APPEALING TO WOMAN) Princess Toadstool...?! Help me!

WOMAN

(NOT IMPRESSED) Oh god, you're not doing your Mario role-play thing again?

PLUMBER

He's...killed...Luigi...and...poisoned...me.

WOMAN

What have you done, Barry? There are loads of bloody holes in the floor! (Barry/RM looks sheepish) Alright, look, Dave (Plumber) just go home now.

DAVE/PLUMBER STANDS UP AND WALKS OVER TO A LARGE MOCKED UP GREEN PIPE.

WOMAN

Not the pipe! Use the front door.

PLUMBER TRUDGES OFF.

THE END

uhmm.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Friday 26th March 2010, 1:24am
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,541 posts

I've only read it once but Laughing out loud
Didn't see the twist coming and It made me laugh.

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billwill

  • Friday 26th March 2010, 2:36am
  • North London, England
  • 5,820 posts

I'm obviously missing some context. It doesn't mean a thing to me.

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Jon Pearson

  • Friday 26th March 2010, 8:59am
  • Walsall, England
  • 101 posts

Brilliant!
I loved this, and I didnt see it coming!

THAT PLUMBER STOLE MY CHILDHOOD!!!! :D

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Badge

  • Friday 26th March 2010, 9:43am
  • London, England
  • 9,490 posts

I think you should lose the line about Mario and roleplay. The people who get the references don't need it and it doesn't help people who don't get the references.

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Jon Pearson

  • Friday 26th March 2010, 9:45am
  • Walsall, England
  • 101 posts

oh oh oh!
If this is going to be filmed you should get him to put some "mood music" on, which is the music from when Mario goes into bowsers castle!
Just an idea, but I love this concept!

I'm so excited! Lets do it! Lets do it now!

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Ric B

  • Friday 26th March 2010, 11:47am
  • England
  • 58 posts

Wow the concept is totally brilliant. Thats very thinking outside the box.

The ending for me let down. I think you need a better ending. It was going great until Princess Toadstool arrived. Then the sketch just kinda fizzled out and died.

Hmm, perhaps have Mario try escape down a green pipe, which is Bowsers back up plan in case Mario escaped, i.e. the pipe is actually a giant blender in disguise or the pipe leads straight to an crocodile pit.

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The Giggle-o

  • Friday 26th March 2010, 2:47pm
  • England
  • 1,489 posts
Quote: billwill @ March 26 2010, 2:36 AM GMT

I'm obviously missing some context. It doesn't mean a thing to me.

:O You've not played any Mario game(s) before?! That is worse than not knowing what a Roc is!! :D http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mario (a little information site called wikipedia) Oo, I'm so cheeky!

To everyone who read it thanks for your thoughts, very helpful. :)

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thelaughingsausage

  • Wednesday 12th July 2017, 4:42pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 12 posts
Quote: Badge @ 26th March 2010, 9:43 AM

I think you should lose the line about Mario and roleplay. The people who get the references don't need it and it doesn't help people who don't get the references.

Somehow stumbled across this while new to the site. Completely agree. Love the twist.