- Friday 26th March 2010, 1:06am [Edited]
- 1,489 posts
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
A ROTUND MAN STANDS AT THE SINK.
That's it! The water's running away now.
A PLUMBER RISES FROM UNDER THE SINK.
Blockage in the U-bend; looked like a load of blitzed up meat and there was this little green hat in it. (holds up dripping green hat)
(NERVOUSLY) Oh, uhm, I don't know what that could be.
Anyway, I think I'll head off now so if you want to pay me by cheque...just call it thirty quid.
Don't you want to stay a bit longer? Have something to eat maybe?
Uhm... (checks watch) alright, I am a bit peckish. (brief delay) I know it sounds odd but have you got any mushrooms?
Ha, that's funny I've got some all ready here.
PLUMBER WALKS OVER TO THE DINING TABLE AND SUDDENLY JUMPS OVER SOMETHING.
Whoa! There are loads of holes in the floor. I nearly fell through!
Oh, ignore those. Here you go.
RM PUTS A PLATE WITH A LARGE MUSHROOM/FLY AGARIC ON THE TABLE AND ENTHUSIASTICALLY ENCOURAGES THE PLUMBER TO EAT IT.
Hmm, it's lovely. I think my energy levels were a bit low. (With mouth full) Could you just write the cheque out; I've got another job in half an hour.
Oh, ok. (He writes a cheque whilst the plumber eats with alacrity)
(takes the cheque) Cheers...(observes name on cheque) Bowser?! (he looks down at the mushroom) What have you done? Poison Mushrooms...?
Finally! After all these years of being pushed in fiery hot, lava!
...and the green hat in the U-bend? Luigi? You've killed Luigi?!
RM/BOWSER BEGINS TO LAUGH MANIACALLY. PLUMBER CLUTCHES HIS THROAT. ENTER YOUNG WOMAN.
(APPEALING TO WOMAN) Princess Toadstool...?! Help me!
(NOT IMPRESSED) Oh god, you're not doing your Mario role-play thing again?
What have you done, Barry? There are loads of bloody holes in the floor! (Barry/RM looks sheepish) Alright, look, Dave (Plumber) just go home now.
DAVE/PLUMBER STANDS UP AND WALKS OVER TO A LARGE MOCKED UP GREEN PIPE.
Not the pipe! Use the front door.
PLUMBER TRUDGES OFF.