Adoption Agency

I'm not trying to be 'edgy' and offend, just an idea.
The first of two (although quite different).

ADOPTION AGENCY

STEPHEN AND AMANDA SIT OPPOSITE PAMELA (THE AGENT) WHO HAS A LARGE FOLDER IN FRONT OF HER.

PAMELA
So what kind of child do you think you'd like to adopt?

AMANDA
Ideally, we'd like to adopt a baby.

PAMELA
Anything more specific?

AMANDA
Well, it would be nice to make a real difference so possibly a baby with something like [LOOKS TO STEPHEN] autism?

PAMELA
[FLICKING THROUGH THE BOOKLET] Right. Well, we've got one little girl from Borneo who the agency has listed as 'problem child'. Ah, here she is. [SHE PASSES THE FOLDER OVER]

AMANDA
Hmm, yes, she does look a real handful. Very nice skin though. Do you think we could just look at a few more?

PAMELA
Yeah, sure, not to worry.

AMANDA
It's just, as I said, I really want to make a difference in a severely disadvantaged child's life.

PAMELA
Of course. Uhm... [STOPS FLICKING PAGES] Oo! I think I've got just the child for you. [TURNS BOOKLET TO COUPLE] This is Huang, he's 8 months old and he has lots of problems.

AMANDA
[LOOKS TO STEPHEN, INTRIGUED]Sounds promising, what's wrong with him?

PAMELA
Right, since he was born he's had a history of serious heart and respiratory problems. But possibly the most important thing you need to know is he will have double incontinence for the rest of his life.

AMANDA
Oh Stephen! He sounds almost exactly like the child of our dreams, doesn't he? [HE NODS]

PAMELA
Great! [SHE PICKS UP THE PHONE] I can contact our Chinese agency now to let them know...

AMANDA
I'm sorry to be a fusspot but I saw a baby a couple of pages back that looked particularly underprivileged, do you think I could...

PAMELA
Of course! We don't want anyone to make a rash decision because once it's made there's no going back. [FLICKING THROUGH FOLDER] What page did you see the baby?

AMANDA
Yes, that page there. He was just at the top right hand corner. [PAMELA SPINS THE FOLDER AROUND AND POINTS TO THE BABY] That's him!

PAMELA
But I thought you wanted one of our most disadvantaged babies?

AMANDA
Well, he's clearly got problems, hasn't he?

PAMELA
What problems?

AMANDA
Firstly, he's an albino.

PAMELA
Uhm, no, his hair's blond.

AMANDA
Oh. Well, he obviously has problems with his sight. I mean, his eyes are a very unnatural blue colour.

PAMELA
They're 'baby blue' eyes and the paediatric optometrist from the local hospital has said his sight is perfect.

AMANDA
So, was he born near here then?

PAMELA
I can't be too specific other than to say he was born in England.

AMANDA
We'll take him! Oh Stephen, we're going to have an adopted baby!

STEPHEN
[LURCHES FORWARD] Do you also arrange Au pairs?

END OF SKETCH

Hi Giggle,

I like the idea that the English child is the most disadvantaged, though I think you need to be careful that it doesn't turn into a 'brown baby' sketch.

You could trim a bit too, like 'paediatric optometrist from the local hospital has said his sight is perfect' could become 'his records from St. Thomas' say his sight is perfect.' 'oh so he's local?'

I'm confused about the Au Pair line, is it because he is doing a 'Jude Law', or is it because the baby is English they'll need an Au Pair?

You could take it further and they decide to adopt a slightly older child from overseas to be the white baby's au pair.

Yes! I like that! 'Buy one get one free'.

Quote: AngieBaby @ March 11 2010, 9:48 PM GMT

Hi Giggle,

I like the idea that the English child is the most disadvantaged, though I think you need to be careful that it doesn't turn into a 'brown baby' sketch.

You could trim a bit too, like 'paediatric optometrist from the local hospital has said his sight is perfect' could become 'his records from St. Thomas' say his sight is perfect.' 'oh so he's local?'

I'm confused about the Au Pair line, is it because he is doing a 'Jude Law', or is it because the baby is English they'll need an Au Pair?

View original

Thanks Angie.

It isn't that the English child is meant to be the most underprivileged it's that it is all done for appearance sake. She wants to appear as if she is doing the world a favour but she ends up going for the child that matches her (White, from England).

The Au Pair line is there because the child is just for show, so they need someone else to look after it when they adopt him.

Thanks for the 'records from St Thomas'' line.

Thanks for the Au Pair suggestion, too Dolly.

Ahhh, ok, now I read it back that makes sense, but a little tightening will help make that obvious.

ps I liked the 'rash decision' line too.

Nice one Took me a couple of reads to get the full picture but all good I thought. The Au pair out is very good.

The only very small complaint would be it isn't so obvious what the couple are actually doing (as in really looking for a white baby). Once I knew this it made the sketch ten times stronger. But, this is down to my brain, not your writing I think.

Cheers. So do you feel it needs changing to make it more apparent that the woman actually wants a white baby? I wanted it to come out that she is making excuses for wanting a white baby (rather than saying it outright), so I don't really want to be too heavy-handed with how it comes out that she wants a whity.

Thanks all.

No, don't change the tone. The obliqueness of the sketch is what makes it work. The only suggestion I might have is to use the dismissal of the first children a little quicker and maybe a little blunter. At the moment she seems to consider them too much to get the idea across that she's really looking for a white baby.

I'm worried that you'll change it and lose the heart of the sketch so tread carefully Adam. This is a goodun, so don't go too far the other way.

Thanks, Rich. I shall prune with little shears.

Being an annoying pedant, I'd question whether an adoption agency would have babies from Borneo on its books. And would it even use the term 'Borneo' - as the island is divided between Indonesia, Malaysia and Brunei. Brunei is so rich that it's unlikely to be putting kids up for adoption to foreigners. Indonesia and Malaysia do allow foreigners to adopt babies, but the procedures are very complex and can take years, especially in Malaysia, where there are long waiting lists for Malaysian nationals wishing to adopt. Child trafficking and bribes can make adopting an Indonesian baby a faster process. Also, being married to an Indonesian or Malaysian facilitates the process.

And if that's not annoying enough, I'd question whether autism can be detected in children under the age of three.

Quote: Kenneth @ March 13 2010, 6:20 AM GMT

Being an annoying pedant, I'd question whether an adoption agency would have babies from Borneo on its books. And would it even use the term 'Borneo' - as the island is divided between Indonesia, Malaysia and Brunei. Brunei is so rich that it's unlikely to be putting kids up for adoption to foreigners. Indonesia and Malaysia do allow foreigners to adopt babies, but the procedures are very complex and can take years, especially in Malaysia, where there are long waiting lists for Malaysian nationals wishing to adopt. Child trafficking and bribes can make adopting an Indonesian baby a faster process. Also, being married to an Indonesian or Malaysian facilitates the process.

And if that's not annoying enough, I'd question whether autism can be detected in children under the age of three.

View original

Hello Kenneth the pedant!

Adoption from any country is very difficult and can take years. In China, at least, the parents don't get to 'choose' the child - it's assigned to the adopters. Also there are a tiny, tiny number of British babies to adopt. - and these will usually not be white (cross racial adoption is discouraged in the UK). Those that are white will most probably have disabilities/ foetal alcohol synrome or born with drug addictions.

So damn you Giggle-o and your completely inaccurate sketch!

I sometimes forget that I'm posting on a comedy forum and that sketches are supposed to give accuracy/reality the finger.

Reality, schmeality to you!

Thanks for drawing my attention to some things Kenneth. It could be made more accurate, without affecting much.